To be sad that I'm not a stay at home mum

[Plasticflowerduck]

I work full time in a relatively high management position. I've worked hard to get to this position but balancing work with motherhood is stressful.
This week I had minor surgery, recovery time was 2 days post surgery but my doctor signed me off work for the week.
It has been bliss. I got to drop and collect my kids from school every day and could take them to the playground after school. I got to schedule a playdate for my daughter as i met her friends mum.at drop off.
On weds I was able to attend a school event during the day and everyday I could clean the house and prep dinner while they were in school so the evenings have been lovely no stress with loads of time as a family. I'm absolutely dreading going back to work on Monday. My kids keep saying how great this week has been. I am so envious of mums that can manage to stay at home while their kids are young. If we could afford it, I would be home full time in a heartbeat :-(

If you stayed at home, would you become financially dependent on your DH? And, how would your income fare? Also, would you miss aspects of work? Thinking about all these factors, and you decide that being a SAHM IS what you want, well then, go for it.

You can create opportunities for stimulation. It doesn't have to be boring. Just needs a bit of creativity.

Can you go part-time and have the best of both worlds?

It’s like comparing being a tourist and permanently living in another country

you might feel differently if you were a SAHM full time, with financial dependency on your husband, or in some cases lack of money, and having a continued slog of SAHM days.

id love not to work if I could be one of the ladies who lunch and some cool hobbies but I personally don’t enjoy domestic tasks to do them full time

You were on holiday, OP.

I did it and then went back to a career at 54!! I do not regret a thing, having all that time with my children has been the greatest gift. I do not subscribe to the paranoia about being reliant on someone else financially as it turns out I will still be working when he retires and I didn't see that coming... Nobody lays on their deathbed wishing they'd put more hours in at work. I am also acutely aware I have had this as a privilege but we made a choice and it's been the right thing for us.

I always assumed they're just quite dull people

Some of us are able to create our own intellectual stimulation, thanks.

Do it then and change your lifestyle to match. If you lose your salary you may need to move house and give up holidays etc We all make choices about what works for us.

I’m a single parent so had no choice but to go back full time. But I’ve deliberately kept my outgoings low despite being on a high salary. My DD is 9 now and I’m just about to take a 20K paycut to go part time. It would have been impossible years ago but it isn’t now. There will be no new car, no big holidays etc but I’ll be less stressed and have more time at home.

It's understandable that you feel a bit sad now that you have seen how much easier life could be if you were a SAHM. Of course, being a SAHM is more relaxed and much less stressful than working in a high powered role, especially once the DC are in school.
It is rather a luxury nowadays those. Most people can't afford it. Also, would you really want to give up a successful career that you have worked very hard for? Would you get bored after a few months as a SAHM and craze challenge? Would you really feel happy giving up your good salary and being fully reliant on your DH? It's not all black and white.
Could you drop a day? Might that be a possibility?

Part time is the sweet spot.

I worked throughout. Bloody glad I did

Is a person who has achieved a senior management position going to enjoy being a SAHM ? Maybe. I’m not sure what other activities you could introduce into your life that would give you enough stimulation ( because play groups are maybe not it ) but I can definitely see why it might look appealing.

But you could choose to do it.
You have to decide if you are willing to take the financial hit and the disruption to your career.
You could choose to downsize, change cars, choose different holiday plans etc.
There really isnt a right or wrong answer, you choose to do what’s best for your family.
I chose to work, very, part time, but still within the same company. It absolutely was detrimental to my career, we couldn’t go abroad every year and only ran one car but for me, and I’m not saying this would be everyone’s choice, I absolutely do not regret it one bit, I never missed a sports day, play, school outing or drop off or pick up.

I am a SAHM to 4DC, have been for 18 years now. It's got its ups and downs but lucky to be around for them all.

Think of your pension OP!

It’s not all or nothing op.

I work 80% and pick my kids up every day.

I took a few months off work during dds reception year as I was made redundant. I found it quite difficult after a few weeks tbh. I even got a puppy, took her to training class etc but she slept a lot too so I was still quite bored. There's only so much housework I am willing to do on a day to day basis. That said, I have always worked part time since DD was born so I still get to do all the after school stuff

So true!!! There are so many posts where women are blindsided that their husband/ partner has left them, and they aren’t financially independent.

Completely agree. Keep your hand in, but have more time at home with the children

Each to their own. Someone up thread mentioned how much she enjoyed cleaning and batch cooking. In which case yes SAHM is a good choice. If that’s not your bag then maybe another approach is in order.

OP, I was so jealous of friends who were SAHMs when my kids were little. I went p/t to 4 days and was exhausted,.it was pre covid so there wasn't such the flexibility there is now so I missed a lot of school stuff. After school action were a military operation. My life was just one logistical exercise.

Forward to now, to my early 50s, kids are 17 and 20 and I am.sooooooo glad I stayed in work. My career is going from strength to strength and I love my financial independence from my husband. I love that I have a life that does not purely revolve around kids ...which makes it easier as they leave home. The kids have no idea that I missed stuff when they were little. They are actually really proud of me., they've both come into work with me for experience and have loved seeing be someone else, not mum. I'm in peak menopause/ skin sagging/chin hair mode yet I have great working relationships with people half my age and it keeps me young and energised. I've kept my identity, my sense of me and am thriving. I'm seeing friends my age really struggling who gave up work. I think my relationship is better as I have another side to me as.well mum and wife.

As another OP said...think of your pension!