To be ashamed of oversharing with children’s school - update

[Itsfinallyspring]

I posted my original thread, the only time I’ve ever posted, a few months ago with a name change to avoid outing.

Many, many people took the time to comment, some with very personal experience and many with fantastic advice. I took the vast majority of this advice and wanted to provide an update to all of the people who gave up their time to help me.

I continued to speak to school.

I went to the police.

I fitted a ring doorbell, cameras etc.

I told a real life friend who lives locally (by showing her the thread on here).

I have on several occasions refused my ex husband entry. Since mid April, he has had no entry to my home and I have communicated with him in person only when dropping off my children, at a distance at the end of his garden path / my driveway.
I’ve put plans in place in my children’s school when we both have to be there for us not to be near one another.

It’s not been plain sailing but it’s infinitely better than it was.

Thank you all.

I'm so pleased you've found the strength to do all of those things. They will build up the barrier between you and him brick by brick.

I'm 25 years post abuse and I sometimes wonder why I didn't go to the police at the time then I read stories like yours and remember my desperation to hold everything together in front of other people. Letting that guard down with people who care about you is that first step in making yourself whole again, taking the pieces of him and throwing them away. No longer having to mould yourself around his moods and behaviour will feel so freeing. Your shoulders will relax. Millimetre by millimetre. Until one day you'll realise how safe and relaxed you feel.

I promise one day you'll get there 💐

I’m still in the position of one minute being pleased that I’ve told them and the next minute being terrified that they know and therefore other agencies will soon know.

My rational self knows it’s positive. The rest of me STILL wishes no one knew and I could go back to ‘before’.

Of course. You're still in terrified mode. I was for over 2 years and I had no children with him so didn't have to retraumatise myself every time I saw him. If you have access to counselling e.g. through work I really recommend it. Then you can tell it all to someone with no judgement or fear. Once you realise it's not your shame to hold it's so freeing. You'll be in my thoughts.