Hi all, I’ve not posted a thread ln MN for a long time so please be patient with me.
back story, dd 10 is starting secondary in September. She’s gone to the same primary since reception, for many years there was a girl, dd and this girl used to be really close but I found the girl was often over bearing, intrusive full on, but a lot went over dds head. Fast forward said girl become really nasty and dd definitely started noticing how awful her ‘friend’ could be, I think she was taking any anger she had from home etc out on dd, dd was her only friend and I felt like dd missed out on other friendships as she’s always been a popular member of her class. I posted about the kind of stuff this girl was doing on here 2 or 3 years ago and everyone agreed I wasn’t going mad and yes she was a bully - it wasn’t stereotypical bullying, she was very sly so often school staff didn’t take me seriously. The girls mother was a ‘not my kid’ mum and in her eyes her daughter was never in the wrong. The girl also started bulling other members of the class for various reasons. It got to the point dd was a shell of herself, refusing to go school and ended up with poor self esteem and had to have mental health intervention from a professional because the bullying was bad but the teacher was dismissive. My dd also has some additional needs, the girl preyed on dds vulnerabilities. The bullying was often physical but she’d get away with it saying stamping on dd’s feet was purely accidental (once might be accidental, not several times) or kicking her when sat behind her in class but pretending it was accidental. We all knew it wasn’t. It was also emotional blackmail and bullying. For a young girl this girl was very clever how she got away with it.
anyway, sorry that might be long and apologies for any typos but last year this girl was moved to a nearby school by her mother as her mother thought her daughter was the victim, which in hindsight was great, things settled down, dd has some great friends in her class and generally gets on with everyone.
however, this girl is still living in the same area and very likely going to the same secondary, I couldn’t be certain but I’ve found out today that she is.
Not a surprise she’ll be at the school, but months ago I have told the school numerous times that if this girl is going to the school, they need to be on opposite sides of the school, not in the same lessons and not in the same form group. The senco who I have spoke to (already have ds at the same school!) reassured me they would try their best and I’m sure it will be no problem to keep them out of the same form and lessons at least. I have them plenty of notice to this issue.
but today I found out they are in the same group to have lessons together. I am gutted. Worse being in the same form groups. It’ll be literally every single lesson together. I know some of the other girls in the teaching group will not be happy either as their parents don’t want said girl in the same groups. The kids she’s been put with from her current school is great so I don’t want dd removed, I want the bully put in another group. AIBU?
what am I meant to do? Tell dd to suck it up and hope her old ‘friend’ has grown up a bit?
because they haven’t seen the issues and not started yet I don’t think they see the absolute need for this. Kids fall out but it’s not that, the girl is plain nasty and sly. I am gutted for dd. It might be the difference being going and not going. She already finds school hard!
I feel like the girl would be sly enough to act all nice to start, dd being dd will probably soften and ‘forgive’ her and then it will all go downhill again - I have witnessed this before. I also don’t want dd to lose the solid friendships she has.