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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to expect household jobs to be finished properly?

37 replies

SharpBlueBear · 11/06/2026 10:32

Not a major issue, but something we disagree on so just trying to see if I am being unreasonable or not. DH says I am being controlling/ungrateful when he does a chore/job in the house but doesn't finish it fully & I am then a bit annoyed that I have to.

Some examples are:

  • Will take out kitchen bins if they are full but then doesn't put a new bag in which inevitably I end up doing as need to use the bin.
  • Will get the vacuum out & use it but then leaves it out, not back in the cupboard where he got it out from.
  • If he unloads the dishwasher (not very often) will leave half the bits out on the side as he 'doesn't know where they go' - we've lived in the house for 9 years now & the kitchen has always been the same!
  • If he loads the dishwasher (again not often) does it very haphazardly so not much fits in or won't get cleaned properly so I have to reorganise it before it can go on.

Just a few examples off the top of my head. However there are often times when he will absentmindedly leave cups/mugs/plates/drink cans/clothes around that I also have to pick up/tidy away.

For context, both 33, 2 kids - 5 & 1. DH works full time self employed, I work part time 2 days. Nursery/School runs are shared but I do majority.
I do most, if not all life/home admin. I do all Nursery/school admin, I take care of getting all kids clothes/shoes etc.
I do all meal planning, shopping & 95% of cooking. All laundry & most of the cleaning etc in the house is on me too. We both contribute to bills etc.

So AIBU to expect if DH does jobs/chores in the house that he actually finishes them? Or am I just being picky & ungrateful?

OP posts:
SpaceRaccoon · 11/06/2026 17:35

Make him finish them properly. He's quite capable, he just doesn't give a fuck because he knows you'll do it, it's really disrespectful.

competentadult · 11/06/2026 17:47

Mine does this - he knows where everything goes in the kitchen but chucks dishes and pans in the cupboard haphazardly even though he knows messy cupboards piss me off immensely.
He takes the rolls of foil, baking paper etc out of their boxes to cut some and then puts empty box + roll back in the drawer separately.
Leaves his wet clothes in the washer sometimes for days, forcing me to deal with it so I can use the machine, and then says "I could've done that!"
It makes me rage.

Feetballislife · 11/06/2026 17:50

SharpBlueBear · 11/06/2026 10:32

Not a major issue, but something we disagree on so just trying to see if I am being unreasonable or not. DH says I am being controlling/ungrateful when he does a chore/job in the house but doesn't finish it fully & I am then a bit annoyed that I have to.

Some examples are:

  • Will take out kitchen bins if they are full but then doesn't put a new bag in which inevitably I end up doing as need to use the bin.
  • Will get the vacuum out & use it but then leaves it out, not back in the cupboard where he got it out from.
  • If he unloads the dishwasher (not very often) will leave half the bits out on the side as he 'doesn't know where they go' - we've lived in the house for 9 years now & the kitchen has always been the same!
  • If he loads the dishwasher (again not often) does it very haphazardly so not much fits in or won't get cleaned properly so I have to reorganise it before it can go on.

Just a few examples off the top of my head. However there are often times when he will absentmindedly leave cups/mugs/plates/drink cans/clothes around that I also have to pick up/tidy away.

For context, both 33, 2 kids - 5 & 1. DH works full time self employed, I work part time 2 days. Nursery/School runs are shared but I do majority.
I do most, if not all life/home admin. I do all Nursery/school admin, I take care of getting all kids clothes/shoes etc.
I do all meal planning, shopping & 95% of cooking. All laundry & most of the cleaning etc in the house is on me too. We both contribute to bills etc.

So AIBU to expect if DH does jobs/chores in the house that he actually finishes them? Or am I just being picky & ungrateful?

Friend had your issue and she went on ‘strike’ for the things that weren’t don’t correctly … 2 weeks and it’s was all sorted apparently! She didn’t do laundry except her own, left the dishes, didn’t empty the dishwasher, didn’t put the bin bag back in etc etc

unsync · 11/06/2026 18:58

Does he do half the job for his clients too or just in the home? If not, he knows exactly what he's doing.

You are just another household appliance to him, the one that cleans up after him. Perhaps it is time for you to have a malfunction?

MutheroGod · 11/06/2026 19:02

Oh yes, I could have written this, I call mine 'half a job'! It's not done in malice, but just doesn't seem to see that if you're the one cleaning up kitchen after dinner you need to do all of it and not just leave parts undone, like wipe the worktops or not wash the saucepans cause they didn't fit in the dishwasher. Yes to also unloading dishwasher and leaving some of things on the table as he doesn't know where they go! He does lots of things around the house in fairness, but yes this drives me mad too!

GSDLOVER · 12/06/2026 08:54

Gigglegiggle · 11/06/2026 11:39

I call mine "Arthur Job" because of this.

Mine is called half a job Harry 😂

TheCurious0range · 12/06/2026 08:57

DH does some things like this, if isn't rare that he's doing chores though, he probably does the dishwasher more than I do for example and the bins. He does leave cupboards open, the hoover out, doesn't always put a new bin bag in. I don't do it for him though, if I see it I just say to him did you get distracted while doing x? He'll roll his eyes at himself and finish it. He does have ADHD though so I don't interpret it as being wilful.

TheCurious0range · 12/06/2026 08:59

AmberTigerEyes · 11/06/2026 14:41

Unless he has unmedicated ADHD there is no excuse for this. If he has unmedicated ADHD, he should get medications.

Try, DH hasn't been able to get meds since he was diagnosed last year due to shortages

sunnybaros · 12/06/2026 18:59

Buy him a copy of This is How Your Marriage Ends by Matthew Fray - it's very eye opening.

JJWT · 13/06/2026 00:32

Omg how is my OH finding the time to live with you as well as me?! Literally could have written every word of this except the ages!

BEAchDays2 · 13/06/2026 08:11

Google strategic incompetence

mumindoghouse · 13/06/2026 13:44

I started calling DH half-a-job Harry at one point. It was meant and received as a gentle tease, but it did improve performance 🙃

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