AIBU for confronting an aggressive driver who then drove dangerously?

[bluebunny1]

Had what I think was the last straw that broke the camel's back today with crap men drivers. Was driving back after dropping my kids off at school. I do this route every day and know it inside out. Was waiting at a traffic light when a guy behind me started ranting and raving and shouting out of his open window. I don't really know what his problem was. I live in Italy so the driving standards are even worse here.

Anyway, I had enough of this so whilst the traffic light was red I put my car in park, went over to him and shouted at him to shut the fuck up and wait patiently like everyone else. Showed him the middle finger and walked back to my car. When the light turned green I drove off normally to the next traffic light shortly in front. The guy accelerated and jammed himself in front of me. The road then becomes a dual carriageway. He basically tried to trap me behind him, changing lanes every time i tried to overtake him, swerving really dangerously from one side to the other. Then he suddenly stopped completely right in front of me. On a busy dual carriageway. It was an absolute miracle I didn't go into the back of him. Or anyone else didn't go into the back of me.

Why is it that misogenistic men feel they are entitled to express their anger at whatever non-existent issue they think there is? And when you express that anger back at them they become completely unhinged and produce a totally disproportionate response?

YABU: You should not have escalated the situation by shouting at him
YANBU: He got what he deserved

Should have waited the entire green cycle, then driven off just as it turned red and left him there.

I get you OP and I have done the same in your situation where the red mist has descended and I've let rip at some selfish bellend who has behaved badly. It made me feel good getting it out at the time but afterwards I have thought about it and I agree with PP- it's not worth the risk of escalation. Of course men shouldnt get away with it but thats little comfort if you end up in hospital stabbed is it?

9 times out of 10 that wont happen but if there is even a small chance of being attacked or your children being hurt, the satisfaction of having a go back simply isnt worth it. Also, it's not like these idiots will change their ways as a result anyway. I think dash cam and legal consequences are the best way to tackle it

@DiamondsAndDenial thanks for sharing your thoughts, agree that feelings in the moment and afterwards can be quite different.

The man was a dick, no doubt about it. You were also a dick!!

Thanks everyone, it has been helpful to hear others' perspectives. I like the idea of dashcams and also parking somewhere for a few minutes. I think having an option of potentially taking a legal action if needed is good because it would mean that they are not completely getting away with it if they do something stupid, but without taking an immediate risk. And I am a small, petit woman so definitely not in a position to win any physical confrontation!

Need to get on with my day now, hope you all have a great one. x

You say he just started ranting and raving but you don't know what about. You were both stationary at lights so it might have been nothing to do with driving. He could have just had a phone call or text message that wound him up. So you didn't even know if his behaviour was directed at you yet you were the one that got out of your vehicle and swore at him.

He absolutely shouldn't have responded in the way he did but I think you were the one that started this not him.

Even if this was the case, he put OP's life in danger. You really think that makes it ok for him to drive like a maniac and put not only OP's life but other random drivers lives at risk because he was pissed off? 😳

Like, causing a car pile up and multiple deaths is all fine because technically "OP started it"? I have had people have a go at me before and I have never put someone's life in literal danger because of it- this man is a fucking moron

@DiamondsAndDenial no as I said in my post he absolutely shouldn't have responded as he did. At the time the Op confronted him he wasn't putting anyone's life in danger. He was sat in a stationary car having a rant to himself about who knows what so the Op's behaviour was completely unjustified as well.

Was he just having a general rant at the lights being red and you having stopped at them? He would have done that whether you were male or female.

In that country I've had verbal abuse various times from both sexes, for not going through a red light. Attitudes are shocking and the police won't give a toss. Just stay calm and watch them make twats of themselves.

Escalating it was madness

I get cheesed off with aggressive driver behaviour and I’d have been annoyed in your situation too. What I tell myself is that I’ll never see this person again so it’s not worth getting wound up by them.

No I don't think I misunderstood him--his anger, body language and gesticulation was clearly directed at me. When I approached his car he wound down his window and continued shouting at me before I even opened my mouth.

I'm curious about your post possibly equalising those two things--me shouting at him in response to his rant versus him engaging in dangerous driving with possible multiple fatalities. Do you think they are the same?

In a more extreme example, if I spat at him and then he killed me, would those be equivalent too?

Aaaaaah, now he was ranting at you whereas in your Op he was simply ranting and raving out of his open window.

Yes, some behaviours are really annoying but don't put yourself at risk. I've been known to pull over and just let idiots go their own sweet way

It sounds mental, honestly. I'm sure it felt cathartic but what if he had beaten you up, run you off the road into a tree, or stabbed you in his rage? Would they carve "But I Was Right!" on your tombstone? Would they explain to your children that it's very sad that you're not there anymore, but at least you gave a driver the finger? He's not going to learn anything from an angry woman telling him off--it will probably just make him madder and escalate the confrontation because his ego cannot tolerate losing face to you. You can't escalate or stoop to a level low enough to change his behavior, so all it did was put you in huge danger to no good end.

Where I live, this is just asking to get shot. Not worth it in any way.

In the UK it's illegal to leave your vehicle parked in live traffic. It's an obstructive offence - is there no such law in Italy? I wouldn't have left my car - I might have glared out the window but generally I don't take other people's aggression on board and just get on with my day as I don't know who they are or what their motivation is. They could be highly dangerous. I would rather seethe for the hour after than put myself into a situation where I could come to serious harm.

Two things can both be unjustified without suggesting that they are equally as serious as each other.

I get your frustration but honestly these aggressive fuck head drivers are best ignored. There are some who only love to bate someone into a road rage incident, they do it for sport.

Dash cam is absolutely essential in a car these days. Especially with young adult drivers inntge house. I have pointed to mine a few times when I have seen bad behaviour.

I agree about the dash cam.

Cannot comment on Italian drivers from any experience.

Too many men like this and usually driving faster than speed limit. I normally just swear loudly at them (unless kids in car) and deliberately drive at speed limit which seems to be 20 everywhere except motorways! I then wave madly at them when they overtake me. I feel it’s karma if they have to obey speed limit for lengthy periods in towns and shout all the swear words I know when they eventually overtake and give them an exaggerated wave. Stupid I know and they probably never notice but makes me feel better!