What would you do?

[Glitterballofdreams]

My child is in reception. He has been hit by another child in his class for months. The class teacher is very inexperienced, I believe she is a student as the main teacher went on maternity leave straight away.

We have repeatedly reported our concerns to the teacher, and escalated it to the head teacher who reassured us they were taking measures. Nothing stopped and the physical abuse has continued.
I have met with the head, and they said measures are in place. Yet my child keeps getting hit.
By abuse I mean cuts, bruises, slap marks, hit with large wooden toys, pushed over. It’s really affecting his mood and he is uncomfortable going to school. He’s a tough lad, and takes a lot of it without crying. And he won’t hit back as he doesn’t want to get told off by the teacher.

What would you do? I don’t feel that the school is dealing with this effectively. But I’m not sure what the next step would be.

Write to the chair of governors, detailing what has happened, what the teacher/head have said, and telling them that your child will not be attending until the other child is withdrawn from the class.

But that is not going to happen.

If this was my child I’d demand the hitting child be expelled. If the school refused I’d remove my own child. That’s it.

They are responsible for your childs safely and wellbeing, if they can’t guarantee it, it’s up to you.

I’d say I want it sorting immediately. If they don’t, I’d remove my child.

So you've seen the head teacher in a face to face meeting? If not, do that.

Start keeping a detailed log of what's happening. When you go in to see the HT ask what the measures are. They can't speak specifically about the child, but they can speak about measures to keep your child safe.

Say you are going to go ahead and escalate this to the governors if the measures don't work.

Make a note of what is said and, importantly, follow the meeting up with an email back to the HT detailing what was said. Including the bit about contacting the governors.

If your child is hit again send a copy of the email to them and say the measures still aren't working and that you would like a meeting with one of them.

Check out your local Education Authority website for contacts to go higher still.
Good luck.

Agree with escalate to the governors.

You need to follow the complaints policy.

Thank you. Yes I have had face to face meetings with HT

Can they move to a different class, is it a big school?

Sign your child up for Tai Kwondo classes. He can then defend himself. Anyone trying anything will only do it once. Its worked well for my DGC

Unfortunately there is only one class per year group as it is a small school

That’s a good idea to boost his confidence. He knows how to fight back but he will not do this in school for fear of being told off

She can't be a student if she is officially the class teacher (obviously student teachers do teach alone, but they can't be maternity cover), so while you are right to complain, I wouldn't say you think she is a student.
Admittedly they let unqualified TAs take classes, but there you go (yes, a TA friend told me this, and is annoyed that the government cheaps out on cover staff, as back in our day they needed to pay qualified supply teachers).

Thank you. A family friend works at the school and it was she that told me the teacher is a student

It will boost his confidence and confident children are less likely to be picked on. My DGC about to enter high school and has the tools to manage any bullying behaviour. I always recommend martial arts to parents whose children are being relentlessly bullied and the teachers not stopping it

The best thing you can do for your child is to move them to a better school. Talk to people in the area to find out where has a good rep, preferably in a nice middle class area.

My DC went through similar and abuse was part of their everyday school experience. The school did nothing. I moved my child who has since flourished in the new school where this kind of behaviour is practically unheard of. Best thing I ever did but took some courage.

This is awful, why is a child allowed to stay in the classroom attacking others? Speak to the head teacher again and ask how they are going to keep your DC safe going forwards, and that you’ll escalate it to the governors if it happened again.

Not the popular opinion but I always chat to the parent myself. I'm friendly and I do it in front of the kids. Just ask if they're aware of issues between the kids as yours has been hit a few times. Ask if their child has complained that yours is doing something (even if you don't think they have) I do it in front of the kids and usually it stops it once the kid knows ill talk to their parent. Sometimes we've even had play dates to help the kids get on. Never been a nutcase parent though so guess I've been lucky.

Just to add, he has been attacking other pupils in the class too. The parents are very much aware as the teacher has to speak to them daily regarding the behaviour.

moving schools isn’t our first choice, I’ve been taking my children there for 15 consecutive years. And it is the best feeder school to the prestigious high school my older children attend.

Could be special needs but no diagnosis yet so no funding for a one-to-one.

I know it’s not popular these days but my kids hit back and they’ve been taught how to throw a punch. DS was being terrorised last year and he was a bit reluctant to hit back, but after that the kid just moved on to another target.

Yes we have told him to hit back in the hope that the child would be warned off, but he is scared of getting told off

Well yeah. Parents can't make decisions to permanently expel students from class?! That's not their decision to make. It would just mean her kid wouldn't go in. Why not ask if her kid can switch classes instead?

DS had the same issue, I just had to tell him several times that mummy and daddy would back him up ect and that even if he got a time out sometimes we have to be brave for our own good. It did take a lot of convincing him that we would back him up and eventually I just said “well you can tell Miss that she can call mummy and tell her off because she told you to do it” which I would never normally say, I always back the school when they get in trouble but on this occasion I just thought fuck it.

Do you think it will give him the confidence to use his voice to shout at the other child to leave him alone if he’s not happy to punch him on the nose? A really loud, vocal ‘leave me alone’ and a chat with the teacher that you’ve instructed him to do this and that if she tells him off for doing so, you’ll take it up with every professional body and local media source you can find and kick up a stink the likes of which she’ll carry with her into retirement? Otherwise, you either need to get your child over the fear of being told off and be prepared to tell the teacher that you’d told him to fight back, or let it carry on like this until they both get up to high school and one of your elder children can put the fear of God into the bully.

Where I am, this would be resolved either by the children themselves, an older sibling stepping in, or by one parent approaching the other and warning them that they weren’t going to mess about with the head teacher anymore and that their child had been instructed to batter the bully senseless if he came within ten yards of their child again. Words might be exchanged at the school gate, but it works more often than not. But if you’re talking about prestigious high schools, I suspect this may not work in your setting.