To expect DD's nursery to at least HELP my willing and seemingly able DD to potty train? Bit long, but lots to say...!

[MillGuff]

I would really appreciate some sage advice here - I really don't know whether I'm being a precious first-time mum or whether this is actually quite shoddy.

Bit of background. DD is 2.1 and after a few months of leading up to, we're going for the potty training full-on. She started last Wednesday, to get maximum run-up for her nursery days which are Mondays and Tuesday. She's doing great - lots of stars in the chart and wees and poos on the potty - as well as a couple of accidents. Yesterday, she was totally dry, although she did a poo in her nappy when she had a kip after lunch. So far, so normal. She's clearly ready for this.

This morning, off she goes with DH to nursery, along with her star chart, stickers and several thousand pairs of pants, trousers, socks, raincoats, etc. We'd warned them that we'd be doing it, and they assured me that this would be fine and dandy, especially since a couple of her buddies were doing it too, so potties a-go-go.

DH runs through how she's doing, says that she needs to be asked and put on the pot sometimes and be given a standing ovation and a sticker when she does one etc etc. He also said that she was probably due a wee as she hadn't done one yet this morning, expecting someone to, well, go and get a potty. Cue drippy smiles and assurances that that would happen, before he has to leave to avoid tyrannical boss rant.

Anyhoo, he turns up at 5pm to be told she's had loads of accidents, has used all her clothes (whilst at the same time being told how great she was at asking for the potty - so then why's she weeing herself - WTF?). So he scoops her up, asks if she'd like a wee before going home, whereupon she performs like a pro, pulls her trousers down and climbs on, leaving one of her carers going, "Wow, that's great that she can do that." YES!! WE KNOW!! Sounds like she never even gave DD the opportunity to show her she could, IMO.

So my question is, given that said carer was allocated the task of helping her out with the potty today, AIBU to expect them to be able to keep tabs on DD so she can do the 7-8 wees she has been doing in the potty at home, at nursery? Or am I being a complete twat to expect that?

I've just realised I'm quite angry typing this - I guess it's just that I'm so proud of her so far and don't want her progress stunted because they can't, or forget to, attend to her.

Clearly, at home, she has me sounding like a broken record asking her whether she wants to do a sodding pee, and she's had DH at home all weekend asking the same question. I fully appreciate that this can't happen at nursery, but honestly, not ONE time? And apparently it was "quiet" today.

Any thoughts welcome...!

I think YAB a bit U to be honest.
I am in exactly the same position. Ds1 started training last Thursday and is doing about as well as your DD sounds like she is doing.
His nursery have assured me that they are happy to carry on where I have started with him but that I must expect him to have more accidents there. Both because they have a 1 staff to 4 children ratio at that age and they might be dealing with something else at a crucial moment, and also because it is just so distracting for DS to be there playing etc that he will be less likely to remember to go.
He has had more accidents at nursery, but i dont think it is setting him back at all. He needs to learn to go on the potty in different situations and learn to go when he isnt constantly reminded.

Your DD sounds like she is doing great. I'm sure she will continue to do great even with a few more accidents at nursery.
Keep up the good work!

YABU slightly.

when you get to nursery, you or dh ask dd if she needs a wee. that way you know she has started the day well.

Message withdrawn

Thanks for your thoughts all. I genuinely think her nursery is brilliant and they are lovely, but I am quite disappointed by this.

I'm going to see how she gets on tomorrow. If it's the same story as today at home time, then I'll have to raise it with someone I think.

Will ask DH (he does the nursery run on his way to work as I work at home) to do just that in the morning, Misdee.

2point4, I agree with everything you say, and I would say I was BU if they'd specifically raised those concerns, but they hadn't. Thanks for the encouragement, we'll get there!

Much appreciated

Accidents at nursery are far more likely because they have more going on and are more easily distracted and forget. Also, some children don't feel confident to ask anyone other than the parents when training.
YABU. The nursery staff ratio of 1-5 children, 3 potty training would be a major struggle (I tried 2 at once which was hopeless as a CM.) If you are putting a child on the pot and another one needs to go, they don't have the control to be able to wait. This results in accidents.
You would be bettern to wait a month until the other 2 children have got it and then your dd can be kept a better eye on. Also, speech is a factor in that parents can usually understand their children better than an inexperienced nursery nurse, so they might not understand the first time she asks.
HTH (PS not meaning that as a slur on nursery staff but childrens pronunciation of words can vary widely and since she only goes 2 days I would suggest you undrestand her better.)