Help!!! Child nursery meltdown

[irishchick93]

Hey. My almost 3 year old has been attending daycare 2 x days a week for a full year. A full year of crying every single time we go. Has started recently saying "no puddleducks" everytime we get into the car ... any day of the week. He apparently settles okay and has a bap and his snack there although wont eat there food. Its actually giving me such anxiety every morning we go as I only sent him to socialize and have a bit of a break as i work nights but honestly just thinking of pulling him out.

We jave an option for a pre pre place 2 hours 3 x times a day from september but are they just going to cry going going there too.
Or should i perservere or any tips?

Amy advice welcome please!!! 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

I used to work in a nursery. I would never send a child for any less than 2 days otherwise they aren't there long enough to get used to it. I absolutely think there's a benefit to them going after 2 years though as it's good preparation for eventually spending the whole week at school.

Which 2 days a week is he going? This matters as there could be a huge gap between sessions which affects them settling in.

What does drop of look like? Is it a quick goodbye, do you sneak out, do you go in and try to help him settle?

What does pick up look like? Tears, relief, happy?

What is the room like when you drop him off, I used to pick my DS up at 12:30 and he would be playing in the dark on his own while all the other kids sleep which i don't think would be very nice at the start of the session.

@Floppyearedlab She has another nursery option.

I think dc are ok with less time at 3. Mine just went in the mornings. Seemless into school.

My DD hated going to nursery and reception class but settled when she was there and then would complain when I picked her up that she wanted to stay longer!

I'd say try doing the full day for a few weeks. At both nurseries I used the mornings were more structured and they'd start activities which would carry on into the afternoon as most children were there from 8-4 or later, and then afternoons were a bit of a jumble in the toddler room as some kids went for a nap while both of mine didn't sleep so would play instead. You're paying for it so you might as well use it!

My DC1 hated their nursery and cried everyday. It was very difficult as we needed them to there two days a week due to work but they definitely weren’t impressed. I wish I had explored other options, something like a term time only pre school (which I think are sometimes a bit quieter and less overwhelming) or a local childminder. Do you have the option for either of these things OP?

Saying all of this, my DC1 immediately settled at school. We never had any crying and they hugely thrived in that environment - part of it was the quieter set up, part of it was going 5 days a week and having consistency and part of it was just being older. You are not doing anything wrong sending your child to nursery, guilt is a very hard emotion but try not to let it overwhelm you as it sounds you’re doing your absolute best by your little boy.

I think he’s telling you he doesn’t like it. I’d see if you can try him somewhere else. It can be any reason, like maybe the smell of the cleaning products they use or a cupboard that looks scary that you’ll never know. Maybe he just needs somewhere else.

My brother is in his 30s and still remembers the trauma of being made to go to a nursery he hated. We persisted sending him (i cared for him a lot, long story) because it was a lovely place! Nice staff nice facilities. As an adult he explained it was something with the routine / setup that he hated, some kind of rule he always got wrong and stressed him out. Something that would have seemed totally innocuous.

My youngest ds cried everyday of nursery, for 3 years, every day of reception, every single day of year 1 so far, its absolutely relentless!!

It’s just not suiting your child at all. I would definitely pull them out. find somewhere else that may be a better fit. Perhaps a Montessori nursery or a forest school or childminder /nanny.

Take him out. Aim for a preschool in September. Mine is going to a mornings only one, just three hours. He's also got a childminder who he's very attached too - nurseries just aren't for everyone?

We had this when our little girl started what helped was splitting her 2 full days into 4 x mornings for a few weeks and she settled after about 3 weeks of doing this!

So maybe little and often for preschool would work- is it in another setting? If it is a fresh start might be good?!

Thx for all the replies. Ill have to persevere over the summer as all my shifts are night shifts and the older ones are at summer camp but ill try leaving him in earlier in meantime and then come september hopefully little and often days will help ij pre pre