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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this is strange?

17 replies

TowerRavenSeven · Yesterday 20:34

A co worker of mine and I are friendly, I would call us ‘work friends’. Last year she was working on a course that was very difficult. I was as supportive as possible, listened (endlessly) to all the trials and tribulations regarding passing this course, genuinely encouraging, etc.

A year later and she passed the course, we were all very happy for her, in private I gave her a small congratulations gift and told her we were all proud of her. She told me, “I hope you can be there to see me get my award”, to which I responded I would be happy to. Two weeks ago she told me the ceremony was last week, but she only got 10 tickets to the event, but that she was going to have a party afterward to celebrate with those that couldn’t attend. I said, “I totally get it, all is fine”.

This week I get to work, asked her how the ceremony was, she told me it was awesome - and so was the party a few days later! I totally get that maybe numbers were tight and someone had to be cut from the guest list. But she kept mentioning it! On four or five different times yesterday she mentioned about the gifts she received, how they borrowed equipment from work for the party they had to return, how her presentation went very well, etc.

AIBU or was this just strange behavior? Did she want me to ask her why I wasn’t invited? If not, then why did she keep mentioning it?!

In the end I just brushed it off with her and didn’t bring it up. I’m not sure if any other co workers were invited or not - our boss was because privately I asked her and she said she was but hadn’t attended - I didn’t ask anyone else. I’m honestly not really bothered to not have gone, just baffled I guess!

Was this strange behavior? I must put it out there, this isn’t the first experience I’ve had with flaky behavior from her. This kind of took the cake though!

OP posts:
Sweetbeansandmochi · Yesterday 20:38

It has come to my attention in life that there are life’s takers. And she is one of them.

Now you know.

Glitchymn1 · Yesterday 20:41

Sweetbeansandmochi · Yesterday 20:38

It has come to my attention in life that there are life’s takers. And she is one of them.

Now you know.

^This.

vincettenoir · Yesterday 20:43

Yes, definitely odd. She sounds self absorbed and it was rude of her to say you were invited to the party and then omit to actually invite you. I’m glad you’re not too bothered I doubt you missed out on much.

AnonymityAnonymity · Yesterday 20:51

I don't think it's strange OP. It is unpleasant and ungracious behaviour by an unpleasant and ungracious person.

I think your attitude in not being bothered is absolutely brilliant.

Kingdomofsleep · Yesterday 20:54

She thinks of you as an NPC, just a human nearby to listen to her ramblings. She forgot to invite you because she doesn't even think of you as an individual in your own right. How much does she really know about you?

I've known colleagues like this.

Kingdomofsleep · Yesterday 20:56

If you're not a gamer, an NPC is a computer generated character who only exists to provide more game-story for the main character (the player).

WaltzingWaters · Yesterday 21:01

It was horrible of her, she sounds very self absorbed. I’d just be civil rather than friendly with her going forward.

Kuga26 · Yesterday 21:18

You are her work friend only I’m afraid. She has no plans to ever invite you to anything in her personal life. Never the twain shall meet so to speak.

If her actual friends worked with you both, she wouldn’t be chatting to you. If you’re happy with that then just understand that you don’t need to be so supportive of her ventures in the future, it isn’t and will never be appreciated.

Kuga26 · Yesterday 21:20

Kingdomofsleep · Yesterday 20:56

If you're not a gamer, an NPC is a computer generated character who only exists to provide more game-story for the main character (the player).

This is a great analogy of this situation.

Empress13 · Yesterday 21:21

Obvs loves drama ! Ignore OP don’t pander to her

Firesidechatter · Yesterday 21:23

I think she is one of these people who says things in the moment, likely out of misplaced kindness but then doesn’t follow through with it as you’re not huge in her mind. I know it’s not pleasant but just move on,

andnowwhatdowedo · Yesterday 21:44

It is strange, but deserves no more of your time and energy. You sound fine without her invitations.

UndertheBeard · Yesterday 21:51

Honestly, I think it would have been quite normal to say ‘Hey, did my invite get lost in the post?’ when she kept bringing up the party, but if she originally said she wanted to invite you to her graduation ceremony before also flaking on that, I’d just file her under ‘Someone who throws around invitations unthinkingly and doesn’t follow through’.

TowerRavenSeven · Yesterday 21:53

Thank you every one!

OP posts:
TessSaysYes · Yesterday 21:54

She sounds like a lot of drama waiting to happen...step back perhaps,?

T1mesAreHardForDreamers · Yesterday 22:00

Work friends are such an interesting dynamic. I had a woman at work befriend me, we spoke all the time and supported each other and in some ways it was quite intense. Spoke all the time, we would share so much and she seemed so close.

One day she just disappeared, and it turns out she had gone on mat leave. I was floored, she never even mentioned she was pregnant or would be taking any leave.

Of course, I am in no way entitled to know this information, it is completely non of my business and colleague was under no obligation whatsoever to share. I just found it fascinating, the juxtaposition I suppose. Work friends are a really unique and weird dynamic and I have reminded myself not to be too invested in people on a personal level.

Mumtobabyhavoc · Today 16:30

I'd be wary. I think she's a user. Beware of her as a colleague. Don't be anything other than polite. Don't offer extra help, tips, anything to help her get ahead as it will be at your professional peril. She'll step on and over you at the first chance she gets.

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