AIBU to be at my wits' end with where I live?

[Bluewhitefloral]

Just a rant. I feel like I’m starting to hate where I live. 3 bed semi in a suburban area, where my DH was keen on moving to be close to his elderly parents/our friends. I love the house but just wish I could pick it up and move it somewhere else.

I posted a few years ago about the neighbour’s kids kicking balls over the fence and being noisy early in the morning/late at night. Although the ball situation has improved slightly as the kids get older (it was up to 5 a day, now probably about 3 a week), they are still so, so loud and inconsiderate. Every night when I put my DD to bed (7-8pm) they are smashing a basketball around the garden or battering a punch bag. This went on until 1030 last night. She has to have her white noise on full blast and it still doesn’t drown out the noise.

I’m constantly seeing posts on our local community page about anti social behaviour in the area and witness this myself. We live on quite a busy road and every day see groups of kids in balaclavas intimidating others on their bikes/scrambler bikes. I hear about kids in local parks being beat up/robbed/threatened.

I just feel regret at moving here. There are plusses to it (being close to the schools, shops, restaurants/bars) but just feel trapped and miserable. The area we live in is classed as a nice one and as such the house prices are high but I can’t help but think we have made a mistake paying so much for somewhere where I’m so unhappy and I now have to just deal with it.

My DH thinks these things are merely an annoyance and that it could be a lot worse which I agree it could be. I just can’t shake feeling so negative about it and constantly wishing we had the money to afford a detached house in a quiet area with no immediate neighbours.

Just finding it so hard to put things into perspective.

Realistically, what are the chances of you moving? Life is too short to be that unhappy.

I didn’t think any area classified as “nice” had balaclava-d kids intimidating people in the local park, maybe I am hopelessly naive!

Blimey I live in an inner city area (cheap for housing) and have never seen kids wearing balaclavas roaming around!

Have you got a neighbourhood watch? If not could you start one?

@AlphaApple very unlikely that we’ll be able to move to anywhere without immediate neighbours- we are just about making ends meet.

Our road is right opposite a bit of a rough council estate so we’re kind of classed as on the edge of the ‘nice’ part! We also have rougher areas bordering on our town. That’s not to say the balaclava’d kids aren’t from our area. I could just be being naive in saying it’s nice when it’s actually not. I genuinely do believe it is a sought after location to live in though as the house prices reflect that.

Is the issue that it's a newer estate where houses are built closer together and people are living almost on top of each other?
There are lots of new estates near me where the perception is they are 'nice' because the houses are newer but the lack of space I can see could lead to these issues plus the fact they will attract families.
As another poster said, would it be realistically possible to move and also based on the sort of property you would like/be able to afford would you encounter the same issues (e.g. new housing estates attract families).

@BMW58 it’s a regular sight round by where I live - in the city and some suburbs! It’s quite scary.

I’m not sure if we have a NW - I’ll have to check it out!

We have local community Facebook pages but I don’t think they actually do anything useful in that area.

Hopelessly naive.

There's no way you wouldn't call where I live nice.

This problem has crept in locally over the last two years.

I can only draw the conclusion that if it's here, it's just about everywhere in the UK now.

It sounds horrible. If I were you and I was able to move, I’d not hesitate to move.

@Moonnstarz it’s a 1930s semi - so more space than the new build type houses but still surrounded by neighbours at the sides and back.

When we viewed the house before buying I could see that there were kids living next door but as we were planning on having our own family it didn’t really seem like an issue. Never anticipated they would be so inconsiderate though. There are actually 3 kids one side and 3 kids on the other side of us, but the other side isn’t a bit of bother.

I know in most cases you never really know what your neighbours are like before moving in so wherever we went there’s always that risk. Unless we moved to a detached with nobody in the nearby vicinity. That would sadly be out of our price range though, but it is the dream.

It sounds like you live on the outskirts of the nice area and are actually closer to the not so nice area?
Personally I would be selling up and moving closer to the 'actually nice bit' even if it means a smaller house/garden.
I live in a town that is regularly described as a shit hole but my kids have never seen kids hanging around in balaclavas! That is sink hole estate behaviour, definitely not something you find anywhere nice!

I'd advise against joining a NW or facebook groups about the area. These groups tend to be overwhelmingly negative. We had one for our new build estate and it was the same 10 people moaning about trivial shit over and over again. If anyone read the posts they'd think we lived in a complete shit hole! It magnifies everything and it will make your feelings even more negative.

I'd recommend moving; but get the idea of a detatched property in the middle of nowhere out of your head if its unrealistic. Instead, I'd start looking for semi-detached in nice roads, away from busy streets, shops etc...

I was really naive when we bought our house to the joys of living on a new estate having never lived on one. I cannot wait to leave and will never live on one again. Some people are just arseholes who really don’t care about anyone else.

I felt that about a house I bought 20 odd years ago. Nice house and nice area really but ex council with some council owned properties mixed in. I had egg thrown at my window the first week and I felt intimidated and paranoid from that moment on. Looking back it was for 99.9% of the time absolutely fine apart from my car getting keyed and people fly tipping next to my garage. But I was not comfortable there, ever. So when I moved out I was relieved. So I understand how youre feeling and I dont think YBU. If your house doesnt feel like a home then you have to move for your mental health.

Local Facebook groups are insane.

I have one friend who joined a bunch of random ones for entertainment purposes to see people who are supposedly middle class, respectful and intelligent completely losing their minds and sanity on them. (Why he thinks it's that entertaining I don't know, our local one is only entertaining because I know the area and issues well).

This doesn't mean we don't have a problem locally. The shops have had to install anti theft stuff and the police have been involved. There's an antisocial behaviour order in place nearby.

Very much not a sink hole here. Indeed some of the problem is known to be kids from the sink hole five miles away targeting a new county lines market because it's a nice area and there's a bit of money here.

@TropicalFishAreTwats yes we are right on the edge and on the other side of our road is the start of the rough estate.

We viewed so many houses before falling in love with this one and it was so rushed as it was a really popular property and it was like we panicked. So we didn’t really think about the immediate surroundings at the time, only that it was the area we wanted (affluent, close to the coast, close to DH’s parents and friends, great schools) and the house itself was beautiful and just what we wanted. Now I just wish that we weren’t so fixed on the area as it’s certainly not been all it was cracked up to be.

I would definitely be spending a huge amount of time on Rightmove!
Do loads of research, find properties you like the look of , DO NOT book any viewings but drive around the neighbourhood at all times of the day (morning, lunchtime, school finishing time, early evening and late evening) and see who's out and about at those times. Only when you are comfortable with that limited area should you think about putting your home on the market.... when buying do not deviate an inch from the area you have researched and definitely don't panic buy!

We have a community police person round here - don't know if you have. Might be worth a word.

I know some people slate cpos off but our community police woman was really helpful where I used to live. She was quite formidable and got things done. The group causing problems were sorted out and their parents involved. One was a local doctor's son and another jp's son so not exactly a group of rough families.

I disagree.

i haven't seen any kuds in balaclavas here.

i live in a nice area, but fairly 'normal' with a mix of housing. Including new build estates with some SH.

the kids can gather together & be rowdy outside the local shoos, having stupid screaming matches, the sheer number if them can be intimidating sometimes, but they're not threatening or wearing face disguising clothing.

@Bluewhitefloral I'd be moving, even if that meant a less nice house, but jn a better area. I woukdnt want to be bringing DD up there.

So your DH finds this just an annoyance?

That's because he's near HIS family. So it's in HIS interests. The status quo hand changed for him.

It has for you though. You made sacrifices and have ended up in a shit area.

Where do you live?
If it was me, I would move, I would even move countries

Lucky you. Cambridge - surely the popular definition of 'naice' - is overrun with the little scrotes. Bike theft from properties and off the streets, increasingly at knife point; hooning round the city on Surrons and ebikes; drug dealing in the open; zero respect for anyone and anything.

Life is too short to live somewhere you don’t feel safe if you have the option.
I genuinely don’t know anyone (well) who has those experiences in their area.

Yes, I do feel lucky it's not an issue here. I didn't say it wasn't anywhere, I disagreed with her stating it was everywhere.

i used to live in Mike End when it was as rough as a badgers arse!!

It's because he's a man. It's not the same for the vast majority of men.

Yes I'm afraid that ex-council houses or houses close to the estates are always much better value, though you often don't realise why until you actually live there. They usually look fine during weekday viewings if the children are at school. I suppose the one bonus for you is that it is the children who are noisy, not agressive older family members who are causing trouble and can be so much worse.