Baby/toddler don’t sleep please help

[tiredalways111]

My boy is 18 months old
me and my partner take it in turns to get him to bed at night. He goes down fine after his dinner & bath at 7.30pm
he sleeps until midnight. Then he’s up crying every hour or so.
ive tried self soothe (as much as I can) as the screaming wakes the other children up and my partner is up at 6am for work.
I’ve slept next to his bed I’ve tried it all. We’ve tried every bed you can imagine. Cot, travel cot, even toddler bed!
I know he’s not ill or anything because as soon as he has contact with mum or dad he’s fine and goes back to sleep. Admittedly after a while we put him in with us because we’re exhausted. I know this is totally wrong but how do we break that cycle at the stage of exhausted?
any tips are very welcomed and if I’m doing things terrible be honest I’ve had enough. He’s a lovely baby he’s brilliant we adore him but the nights are nothing me down

Mine was like this, we resorted to cosleeping for a bit so we got some sleep.
We would put her down for the night, then when she woke, tried again to put her down in the cot. If that didn't last then we would cosleep for the rest of the night. We had a bed in her room so one of us either slept on the bed with her in the cot, got a pillow and slept on the floor next to her cot and held her hand or one of us of us slept in the bed with her (following cosleeping guidelines).
Eventually she started sleeping longer or would successfully go back in the cot on her own. It got easier when I stopped breastfeeding overnight.

Why do you think cosleeping is ‘totally wrong’? It’s clearly what he needs and everyone gets to sleep. What’s the problem?

Thankyou. I don’t think co sleeping is wrong just gets cramped up as toddler fidgets a lot and my partner ends up on the sofa because of it and I feel bad

We had a sofabed out in the nursery pretty much the whole time between one and two. We'd take turns cosleeping in there with him if he woke.

There's nothing wrong with it, generations of toddlers have slept with their parents. The Catholic church led the vendetta on cosleeping because some very poor women suffocated babies they couldn't afford, so they mandated the cot.

But it's totally normal for baby mammals to mostly sleep with a parent. The first 5h in the cot is great - just do what you have to after that.

Cosleeping in one bed is hard with 2 adults, thats why we kept the bed in the room with the cot, so it was only one of us in a small double bed with a toddler. Or put something soft like a blow up mattress next to the cot so you can be next to toddler in the cot without having to cosleep properly.

We’ve had a bed alongside the cot for when our toddler wakes up so we can settle our DD by co sleeping - it’s saved our sanity as couldn’t have coped the amount of nights she’s woke up.

I put my DD in a single bed with rails so when she woke i could lay down with her until she fell asleep and then sneak out, she still gets up 2-3 times a night but atleast she is in her bed and i am in mine without a fidgety toddler.
Do you still feed to sleep? My DD still does this (not at bedtime but overnight) and i think its definitely why she is still waking but same as you there are other children in the house so i try to settle her quickly before she wakes them so there is only so long i can hold off before giving in and breastfeeding her.

I would probably start with changing the bed time either earlier or later, but personally, I would probably try later. You will need to do this for several days in a row before it will set any changes with the body clock. If this doesn’t work, the second thing to try which is a scientific theory, if they are waking up at a similar time in the night you should go in shortly before this time and gently stir them. This will settle them into a new sleep pattern which in theory means they won’t wake up through the night. Again, this must be done for several nights in a row before it will take affect. But I will say, nothing wrong with co-sleeping if it means you’re all getting a good sleep!

18 months is genuinely one of the hardest sleep stages, you are not doing anything wrong. The waking every hour after midnight sounds like he's hitting the end of a sleep cycle and needs you to resettle rather than being able to link cycles himself.

The fact he goes down fine at 7.30 is actually a good sign, the issue is just that middle of the night resettling.

One thing that helped us was going in before he fully woke, like at 11.30, to do a quick resettle while still drowsy. Breaks the cycle a bit. Also worth checking the room is dark enough, 18 month olds get very sensitive to light.
Hang in there, it does pass.

It’s not “totally wrong” it’s sad to hear cuddling and bedsharing with your child called this.
it is how human children the world over sleep. Next to a parent. Their safe place.
just get a big floor bed and sleep in with with them from their first wake up. Way less stressful. No crying. They’ll grow out of it eventually. Enjoy the cuddles.