Why am I so friendless?

[ThatNimblePeer]

I know everyone’s different - and I know comparing your life to others via social media is an absolute fool’s errand - but I’m just looking at the feed of a good friend who is on about his third holiday this year with a group of about 7 friends (different friends each time). How does he have so many different big groups of friends who want to go on holiday with him?! What have I missed?! In my whole life the biggest number of friends I’ve ever been away with was 3, once, and then I’ve been away with individual friends a handful of times. Mostly when I go away it’s with family or on my own. What an absolute friendless loser I am.

You're not a friendless loser, I'm sorry you're feeling low about this. What about school friends? Hobby friends? Do you have kids? Can you do playdates and socialise with the mums/dads?

It's especially hard if you are comparing yourself to others. That way madness lies. Just switch off social media for a bit, remember your friend will be displaying the absolute best version of himself on his social feed; that's what it is for, to show off.

I don't think you are a friendless loser. Plenty of people have only been on holiday with family. You might find yourself with friends who want to go on holiday when you reach a later life stage. It really isn't worth stressing about.

I have lots of friends but there are maybe only a couple I'd consider holidaying with. Some people find themselves in groups where it works but for most people it's too demanding!

People who like group travel tend to find a tribe of people who also enjoy it, may br friends only because they've met that way, and have developed an unwritten code for making it work.

Not having friends you'd go on holiday with doesn't make you friendless, it just means your friends aren't the type

Get off social media!!

Christ I’ve been on holiday with friends and it was a shit show. Never doing that again

I agree with this

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Some people have a lot of acquaintances. People they can have a good time with but it’s pretty surface level and shallow. They aren’t the people you’d call in the middle of the night when you needed someone because something terrible had happened.

Try not to compare yourself to others. It’s better to have fewer friends and the relationships be of better quality rather than being a social butterfly but all the connections are shallow and surface level.

also stop thinking social media is real life. I know a girl who has hundreds of thousands of followers and you would think by looking at her page that she’s living the life of luxury and couldn’t be happier when the reality is she’s on anti depressants, has been in and out of mental heath facilities and is a huge amount of debt from trying to keep up the facade of this life style.

Maybe it's like meet up groups he's going with? Or hobby groups. Like the twitchers society 🤷

Personally, one of the reasons I like having a husband/partner is there's no need to go on holidays with groups of people/friends. Those things are never much fun, even when you are under 25.

Do you actually enjoy being in big groups? I don't like it, I much prefer 1:1 or small groups.
I have a friend who sounds a little like yours, got several big groups of friends and goes on holidays and nights out with them. She is the type who will just invite herself places. If someone says they're doing x, she will say she will come. What some people may call a CF, but she is a nice girl and can be good fun so people just let her tag along.
None of the groups are groups of her individual friends, they're other friendship groups that she gets in to as she is friends with one person in the group.

It’s a cliched response but GET OFF SOCIAL MEDIA.

If you feel you don’t have friends, what are you doing about it?

I don’t want to be harsh but sitting waiting for something to happen isn’t going to lead to three holidays a year (if that’s what you want).

Also, not every friendship needs to be some intense “call at 3am” relationship. It’s perfectly fine to have superficial friends whose company you enjoy.

What age group are you? In my twenties I felt the peer pressure to go out with friends even though I wasn’t part of a friendship group. I have always had individual friends. You get to your thirties, forties and fifties and don’t tend to feel the pressure anymore. There was no social media in my young day however.

@ThatNimblePeer he’s probably signed up to groups like extreme day trips, singles club, hiking groups or whatever and he’s on the group’s annual holidays. These groups and many others are available to you too, you just have to make the effort!

Oh I remember that pressure. You knew come Monday everyone wanted to know what you did at the weekend, so you had to keep going out so you didn’t look friendless and that you were a super fun person!

I’m so pleased that ship has sailed. I much rather a book these days.

Me too!

I only enjoy holidays with my mum or my partner. I have never been away with my best friend and that would probably be good too as we are very similar but I have not enjoyed girls holidays.

This!! Haven’t been on a group holiday for (20 ish) years have a couple of weekends away coming up this year with family and one with friends and slightly dreading it. My honest advice would be to delete social media