Who should pay for the dog?

[JollyGreenLemur]

So my mum bought a dog 7 years ago and she already had a dog, her other dog then had an operation on his leg and couldn't play so I put in 2 weeks holiday at work to have her new dog at my house while the other 1 rested, this turned into 6 or 8 weeks then she had her new dog back, I paid for her new dog some training as she wasn't good on a lead (part spaniel) and took her out for walks.
A few years later her other dog then got cancer and maxed her pet insurance and my mum doesnt work so i paid for her "New" dogs dog food, pet insurance, vet bills and for her to go to the groomers, I didn't mind as she didn't have the money and I was in full time work with my bills and mortgage getting paid without struggling.
Now I have 2 kids, a toddler and a baby, im on maternity while January, my partner is in full time work but we are having to be very careful with our money especially as I won't get any money the last 3 months of my maternity, my mum still doesnt work and shes waiting for her pension which I think she gets next year, her other dog has now died and she refers to this dog as a shared dog, I pay and she has her kind of share.
Aibu to stop paying for this dog?

It’s unclear what you pay? You say that a few years after the first training you paid for insurance, food etc but not what you pay now? And why you pay anything now?

Really as it's your mum's dog she should pay. I think the problem is she has expectations that you will pay because you always have. It's time to make it clear that your circumstances have changed and you just can't afford it.

I currently pay for vet bills, dog food and groomers and i take my mum and her dog to these appointments, me paying for her dog never stopped after her other dog died

Why are you paying for your mum
to have pets she can’t afford-she sounds a very irresponsible owner! How old is she (59? 66?) and is there a good reason why she can’t work and pay for this dog?

Why?

Shes 64, she doesnt have a good reason

Originally it was to help her out but its carried on and now I can't afford it

Just tell her that—when you had 2 dogs, I was in full time work with no dependents, and that has changed. I’m on unpaid maternity leave with 2 dependents now, so I’m no longer in a position to subsidise your pet care. I’m sure this won’t be an issue Mum, as I was initially helping you with two and now you only have one. Then go silent and stop talking (sales technique).

I would tell her that your circumstances have changed and you cannot afford to subsidise her dog any more. How is she likely to respond?

Just stop!

My question is why has it carried on?

Poor dog. Maybe re-home it with someone that will actually value it?

😂

Then stop funding her…

It's not a shared dog, it's your mother's dog, who you kindly helped pay some bills for and, for some reason known only to you, you didn't stop. But now you can't afford to, so she needs to pay her own bills. If she starts with that shared bullshit you need to point out that all you get out of her owning the dog is the bills.

I've rung my mum and I've used this speech, she said oh right, let's hope you find a way to free up some money and then said she was off because she has stuff to do

Just stop paying. Cancel the insurance, don't buy the food and stop taking the dog to the groomers. Why are you being such a walkover?

So she knows she's being cheeky, and it hoping if it's needed, you'll find a way to cover expenses for her.

You need to say what you are and are not willing to do for her, OP. She won't know if you don't tell her clearly.

Your mother is being very manipulative. There is no reason why you should subsidise her lifestyle , especially with a pet she does not seem to care for.

Just stop paying. If your mum won’t step up, then contact the local shelter and surrender the dog.

Sorry Op, that’s not how a mum should behave towards you or her grandchildren.

"let's hope you find a way to find some money then, mum, because I'm not paying for your dog any more."

Then you message her.

"As per our conversation earlier, I am no longer in a position to subsidise your dog so there will no more payments. Unfortunately I won't be able to put any money aside either and save up:.

Then leave it.

She’s given you an “oh well” attitude. Time to match it. Don’t pay for anything further and match her energy, “Oh well—I hope you can come up with the money.” (Shrug.)

Taking money from your child (through manipulation) who is on unpaid maternity leave is a disgusting way to behave.

After 7 years, you became part owner.
She can take over the payment.

Bloody hell, OP, your mother is one cheeky cow! This has gone on for so long she now thinks a favour is an entitlement!