To be wishing time away on Mat leave?

[Orangelover]

Baby is nearly three months. It’s been an effort with feeding, undiagnosed tongue tie has meant it’s been tricky to manage breast feeding and also challenging to bottle feed resulting in a fairly unsettled baby who feeds little and often.

I love him to pieces and he was very very wanted but i keep finding myself looking at older babies thinking I can't wait until he’s that bit bigger and hopefully more content after he gets his tie snipped (waiting for appt) and we progress towards weaning. But then I feel dreadfully guilty for wishing his little life away!

When I’ve managed to get plenty of milk into him he can be a delight. But generally any trips out (I’m talking just to a supermarket, nothing grand or overambitious..) usually end up with screaming because he just wants to be back on the breast. I’m going to baby classes which is fine as I can just sit and feed him whenever as anything goes and I’ve met some nice other mums.

I suppose I’m just looking for validation that not everyone enjoys every minute. In fact rather the opposite. We keep being invited out for days etc and I just know it’s a no go at the minute and I just feel a bit.. housebound. We’re due to go away with family in a few weeks and I’m kind of dreading it because I feel like everyone will be subjected to my fussy baby and I’ll just be stressed trying to wrangle him constantly with everyone watching.

I keep seeing friends/others jetting off on holidays and living life as normal etc with small babies and whilst i wasn’t expecting my life to stay the same I was hoping things might have been getting a little better by now.

Anyone else in this boat and finding themselves ticking off calendar weeks looking forward to things getting easier one day?

I really didn't enjoy the baby months, and neither did several people I know so you're not alone.

8-16 weeks was really quite difficult, especially with cluster feeding ALL THE TIME. But it does get easier - I found those first 4/5 months relentless.
By about 6 months it got infinitely easier. Although I don't know how much that is down to me going back to work.

That said, really try to enjoy and note small moments of happiness. Looking back (mine is 2.5 now) I struggle to remember anything joyful about those first months and it is a big regret of mine.

I think you need to adjust your expectations a bit OP. The number of people who describe their life as "living life as normal" when they've just had a baby is surely very rare! Are these people social media influencers by any chance?

Try to stop feeling guilty - it's absolutely normal to find it hard.

Oh hon when I was on maternity leave with my babies (twins) I hated every minute. It was awful, reflux, bad sleepers, it was gruesome and much as I wanted and loved them I used to pray for it to end so I could go back to work. I had at bed 2 hours sleep a night for 18 months.

It was many years ago now and when I look back I wished I could have enjoyed it. I also would give anything to go back to that stage just for a day as you end up weirdly missing it. I'd love to cuddle them as babies again. Write down the good days to remind you so you don't just remember the bad. It feels like a long time when you're in it but I promise it'll be gone before you know it, and you will miss it 🤷‍♀️

I love baby days but 6-7 can frankly get in the bin thus far 🤣
What I'm saying is 3 kids in and there's always some wishing it was a bit easier at different times, don't stress over not "loving every minute"

I had two very difficult mat leaves. DD1 came out of NICU so masses of follow up appointments, 0.4th centile, loads of feeding issues, PND for me. Generally a bit of a shitshow. DD2 had undiagnosed tongue tie (snipped at 12weeks maybe? I forget), a lot of complications after the division, 1hr plus feeds whilst trying to manage a toddler, never slept overnight until we started cosleeping at 9months. Both had reflux. I HATED weaning! I was glad to go back to work both times.

Having said that, I have found the toddler / preschool years to be much better! Yes they are challenging in a different way, but I love my DDs personalities, the conversations we have, the joy they find in exploring the world. I also felt that by being back at work (PT) in the day gave me something for me. I found a bit of myself again. I think for me, im just not really a baby person. You might be the same, and thats ok. Everyone loves different stages for different reasons.

I had twins.

i survived the baby year. No better.

I didn’t expect to enjoy it and I was totally right

What you're feeling is totally normal. Parenting is bloody hard, relentless and exhausting at times. Especially with a new baby. There will be small moments of joy, but most of it is a grind! All stages are different and some are more enjoyable than others. You're doing great x

OP, your feelings are normal for many and valid. You are not alone.
Take care

Agree with this!

There’s nothing wrong with you OP! Try not to compare yourself to others. We all have different babies and we are all different.

I have three children. Even with an unwell first baby, I fave loved my maternity leaves. BUT I’ve really struggled every time with returning to work and I find one year olds way trickier than newborns. Most of my friends are the other way around. Ebbs and flows!