AIBU to ask if any of you are very slim with secret binge eating disorder? It's ruining my life

[Eury]

As the thread title says, I would love to know if anyone else is suffering from binge eating disorder but is very slim. I have had a terrible relationship with food all my life, regularly secretly bingeing from teenage years.

From about age 40-50 I had the binges mostly under control maybe bingeing once or twice a year but kept my weight under control by disordered eating which I know isn't great but felt better than bingeing, both emotionally and physically as I would feel so tired and sluggish in the days after a big binge.

Now age 50 I have started to binge again. I think the trigger is that it's suddenly become really hard to maintain my weight since meno and so I self sabotage whenever I notice I have gained a pound or two. It's a terrible way to live. It has ruled my life and I feel so much shame and like I will never be free of it.

If you are slim and therefore not eligible to something like WLI that might stop food noise - and have managed to quit bingeing, I would love your advice.

Hi OP, I sense your distress. Have you gone into therapy for binging? My therapist told me that binge eating was only binge eating if you gained weight and continued to binge.

If you are constantly restricting, and then 'binging' or overeating, it's not truly binging because you're just trying to get the calories in that you've been restricting.

That's not meant to minimise or dismiss the feelings and severity. It's to show that there is a solution which is to stop chronically restricting calories, food choices etc.

Have you seen a dietician? Do you know what balanced eating means? Have you sought advice from a professional before?

I'm sorry you're going through this. I know it's hard and we all have so much pressure to look like we don't enjoy food. It's a constant thing for me, too.

Hi @TubbyNugget thank you so much for replying and for being so kind.

I haven't had therapy but I know I need it. I do know a lot about balanced eating and healthy food but I have never been able to eat that way because unless I pretty much starve myself I put on weight. I'm not skinny but I am slim. I must have ruined my metabolism by being like this all my life because I put on weight as soon as I eat a normal amount.

I do think what I do does count as a binge because I eat a crazy amount at once until I feel sick and I keep going and then have to sleep it off. I don't purge at all.

Can I ask what sort of therapist you saw?

An ED specialist. I saw her for just over a year. In that time, she was very helpful realigning my thought patterns and what I saw as punishment and reward, healthy vs unhealthy and rebalancing eating due to restriction versus overeating and binge eating.

She did suggest I go to overeaters anonymous, which I considered, but then moved out of the area.

I used to eat a crazy amount too, promised myself to 'fast' or 'try harder' the next day when I felt bloated, embarrassed and sorry for myself. But, again, the trigger was from chronic restriction. The difference between binge eating disorder is that people with BED don't restrict. They binge despite eating up to maintenance, or overeating regularly, according to my therapist.

I was diagnosed, at the time, as having EDNOS or eating disordered not otherwise specified.

But, I don't think the label matters as much as how the behaviour affects us.

Therapy was very helpful for me. I have managed to lose and maintain my weight loss in healthy ways after therapy which was a good few years ago, now.

I had to find other hobbies (I was treating weight loss and maintenance as an obsessive hobby) and other dopamine hits (to replace binging).

There are still times when I overeat, massively, because I restrict sugar and I love Jammie Dodgers. But, having a really high calorie day is not as encompassing and distressful as it used to be and I don't beat myself up for eating a little too much some days.

❤

Therapy with a suitably trained practitioner will help to promote a more helpful and healthy relationship with food and your own body, OP. Try the National Centre for Eating Disorders for therapists. You can recover from this and life can be better for you. 💐

PS-restriction, hunger and suppressed body weight are driving what you describe as binge-eating episodes.

Me again, OP.

Just wanted to stop by again and say that, even if you don't fit a certain diagnosis, don't think your therapist or professional isn't hearing you or doesn't take you seriously. There are a lot of people who think EDNOS means they aren't valued in the same way as someone who is diagnosed with anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder etc and this is simply not true.

Here is a link for you to consider:

Unlike other eating disorders such as anorexia nervosa or bulimia nervosa, people with binge eating disorder will not necessarily ‘compensate’ for their bingeing in other ways. For example, by:

• purging (vomiting)
• fasting (not eating anything or eating very little)
• exercising a lot

It is possible for people with binge eating disorder to have experienced other eating disorders. However, it isn’t possible to be diagnosed with binge eating disorder and another eating disorder at the same time.

Binge eating disorder

that's so helpful, thank you. I'm glad you are better now

thank you, I will look up therapists.

When you say 'restriction, hunger and suppressed body weight are driving what you describe as binge-eating episodes.' this is partly true but a lot of it is to do with a kind of self-sabotage I think and an absolute obsession with being slim and looking slim.

This is me. People assume I’m naturally slim and find it all easy but every day is very controlled because there’s a beast inside me. I manage it by letting myself have 1 binge day per month and it gets it out of my system. It really works for me

@TubbyNugget that's really helpful. I see that people with BED don't fast, for instance