Sex education

[wowsah]

My son (12) has just begun sex education in year 8. He's come home for lunch in absolute bits, angry, sad and disgusted at the video on reproduction he was shown. Males and females touching each other, males ejaculating, child birth. He had to leave class in distress. I will add that he has Autism and Adhd. Is this a normal response? It seems quite extreme to me. What should I do going forward?

Have you never talked to him about sex?

Not in depth. Bits here and there yes, as much as he was willing to listen to because he's not at all interested in learning about it.

It's not a normal response. A lot of kids will go 'Ew' at the idea, but its not normal to have to leave the class in distress.

You might not have spoken to him much about it before, but you are going to have to do it now. He needs to know these things and realise its normal and not disgusting. He needs to be able to talk about these things.

Has he not had any sex education prior to year 8 as usually builds up from
year 4/5?

Not a normal response, no.

Yes in year 5 and he had the same response then.

I’d contact the school and ask whether prior to future classes you could review the materials so you can help prepare DS ahead of time for what he’s going to see and what it means. His reaction isn’t the norm for the average 12-year-old but if he’s ND and emotionally young for his age, that would explain his reaction.

I’d be surprised if what he saw was as graphic as he’s explained it as tbh: was it not cartoons and very PG images of a couple rather than real ejaculation and full nudity etc?

If you look on Amazon there are books on Sex ed for ND kids.

That's diabolical. It's not educational at all, it's pornographic. I would never allow my child to watch such things. I would withdraw him from the lessons completely.

not allow a year 8 to learn about child birth and ejaculation?

it’s a totally normal age to learn about it these things.

op, it’s not a normal reaction no but he is ND which may explain it. I would speak to the school about how he can be taught in a way that is less stressful to him going forward. Or remove him and you teach him

He is very emotionally young for his age. He said they weren't cartoons but real people. Im waiting for a call from his teacher to discuss what to do next. That's a good idea though, will definitely ask.

Of course it's not pornographic. You do realise they didn't actually show him a video of real people shagging, don't you?

This is a class of 12-year-olds. Some of the girls will already be having periods. Some of the boys will already be having wet dreams. Most of them will be having sexual feelings of some sort or another. How on earth do you expect them to cope with puberty if they don't know what any of this stuff means?

How is it 'not educational' to explain ejaculation and childbirth?! They're literally biological processes.

Not a “normal” response no (at least not as far as I know) but my son also has ADHD and autism and did not enjoy sex education at school at a similar age. IIRC he put his hands over his ears and refused to listen. He wasn’t distressed but talking about sex made him uncomfortable. A few years later and he’s fine now and will come to me or a teacher with any questions (he goes to special school and the staff are brilliant at taking randomly asked questions in their stride).

I would keep a suitable book in reach at home for your son to flick through whenever he feels like, and be ready to answer any and all questions as honestly as possible as and when he asks them.

When you say males ejacualting, I'm going to guess this is some sort of animation or moving diagrams rather than an actual human being doing this on screen right?

But that’s because of your Gypsy/traveller culture isn’t it?

I doubt @ThejoyofNCwould've said it wasn’t educational and called it pornographic if OP had simply said that they had explained ejaculation and child birth to 12 year olds. But OP said they were shown video of men and women touching each other and a male ejaculating.
If that is the case then I’m with her and that sounds vile and inappropriate for children.
They need to learn the facts but they don’t need to see adults acting out pornographic content to learn.

Any idea why he has such a negative reaction? Maturity? The fact that he's ND?

That isn't such a rare reaction.

My ds was so disgusted he stuck his fingers in his ears, turned his back to the screen, looked out of the window and refused to take part. He was 9.

It's difficult, my ds wasn't ready to hear about it until about 12. He had no interest before that and regarded girls just as boys with longer hair and pink sweatshirts.

I left it a couple of years and then put a strictly factual book with diagrams in the sitting room. Told ds it was there, and to ask if he wanted to know anything else.

No. Showing pornographic videos to children should be vile to anyone. Not sure how the education system has managed to brainwash parents into thinking that this is beneficial to their children but I think it's grotesque.

I think it’s the ND, I look after many ND people and the idea of sex is just too strange for them throughout their whole lives

Speak to gp and senco.

Why the gp?