Vasectomy worries

[Beesandpollen]

Hi,

My partner and I have 2 children who both have long term medical problems. I've also had 2 terminations due to failed contraception which changed my life. I've tried to avoid sex due to the fear of being in this situation again and told him to get a vasectomy. I've tried various forms of contraception- condoms, pill, patch, copper coil and I've had enough. He's always been very against having a vasectomy, i believe due to fears of complications. We've reached a point where every intimate encounter ignites a trauma response and it's not enjoyable 80% of the time.
I think he's seriously considering a vasectomy and whilst it's what I wanted, am I being unreasonable to be scared in case something goes wrong?
I'd never forgive myself and I don't think he'd forgive me if there were complications but I don't know what else to do at this point.
Could you please share any experiences of your partner having a vasectomy? Anything to be aware of? Anything that may help recovery?
We've been together nearly 20 years, he also has a child from a previous encounter, both mid 30's.

It sounds like a sensible decision. My dh does still have some mild pain a few years later but I believe that can still improve. A friend who had it has had no issues at all.

The way I saw it, was that pregnancy and childbirth had a lot more risks and DH and I were happy for me to go through that.

very easy and pretty painless

DH had a vascetomy about 3 years ago, following our second child (late 30s). He was also nervous about complications. His surgeon said that while there is a lot about them online, in his experience, complications were very rare.

DH had the surgery under local anaesthetic, worked from home the next day, was back at his office the day after that. He's not had long term effects (other than the intended one of course!).

My DH had his done 9 years ago. Within 45 of the local anaesthetic being given he was sitting in a near by pub having a beer and waiting for his lift home. He had the next day off work but only due to the nature of the job, but was then back in work the next day.

How much thought has he given to child birth or an abortion going wrong for you, and why does that matter less?

My husband had one done yonks ago. His was under GA as he didn’t want to be awake. He was bit tender and swollen for a few days. He very occasionally gets a dull ache but it soon goes. We’ve never looked back.

I had one some years ago. A trivial procedure with minimal risk and great benefits. No ill effects for me.

There is no reasonable excuse to not have one if you really don't want to have any more children.

DP finally had his done last year, longish waiting list. I was beyond done with responsibility for contraception so it was that or condoms. The op was so smooth he didn’t realise it had been done - chatty doctor and nurse apparently! He was fine within 24hrs, but had arranged it around his usual days off so had a bit longer before he was back in (on his feet all day). I did the whole frozen peas, sympathy and snacks thing, but he does pull his weight and the hardest thing was getting him to stop trying to help and just sit down!

After-effects - the test was not clear for almost ten months - he went back in three times as well as sending off samples. They were almost at the point of redoing the op but luckily he finally got clearance!

Dh had his just before covid. Left the doctors and went straight to shopping. Back to work the next day.

Zero problems.

My uncle had a vasectomy and was left with chronic pain in that region. It's never improved.

It's rare but it does happen.

Thanks everyone! It's given me a lot of reassurance, apart from a few comments, but I understand there's always risks involved.
I just want to be as prepared as possible to reduce the chances of anything going wrong.
I suppose there's the stigma of the responsibility always falling on the woman. In all fairness though, we don't know anyone that's had the procedure so its not that common in our circle, or at least not spoken about