AIBU to ask if anyone’s been through similar? TW mental health problems

[FatAmy123]

Hello,

I would really like to know if anyone’s been through what I am currently because I’m scared. I’ve already rang my GP for help but am awaiting a call back.

I have anxiety and depression, I’ve been on anti depressants for years. I’ve managed to keep things fairly stable.

I do have a lot of stressful elements to my life- physical health issues that meant I had to give up work, 2 children with ASD, 1 who is severe and requires constant care. Another child (now young adult) who has medical problems that have landed them in hospital numerous times, including having to be in resus. It’s a lot and I’ve kind of muddled through everything. I’m also pretty sure I’m nearing menopause- my periods are all over the place and I’m 44. My mums menopause was when she was younger than me.

A week ago I saw a music video on Instagram. I thought it was a cool video and shared it. My algorithm kept bringing me back to it and I realised it made me feel a bit weird, like kind of nostalgic, but also a bit creeped out and uncomfortable. It’s really hard to describe how it made me feel.

Then on Saturday night when I was alone, I started, out of nowhere, to feel like my thoughts were rushing really fast. Then the lyrics to this song were cycling in my head, but not in a “normal” ear worm type way, like that was all I could think about. I started to get really scared I was losing my grip on reality and started to get a pounding heart and palpitations. I could make it stop for a bit by listening to something comforting, but when as soon as there was silence, it happened again. I finally fell asleep but kept waking with these lyrics like they were shouting inside my head.

I’ve managed to get through the day times semi normally, but I feel numb and detached. When I’m on my own, it starts again, as does the anxiety feelings. It’s making me feel physically sick.

Does anyone have any experience of this, I realise I sound insane.
Please be gentle

That sounds really scary, sorry you’re going through this. I haven’t been through exactly the same but did experience something similar when I was very, very stressed once. After the stressful period passed it went away and never came back. It sounds like your medication needs adjusting or maybe you need a different type. Hopefully your GP will understand and listen to you.

Thank you @bestcatlifefor your reply. My phone appointment was a bit of a waste of time unfortunately, it was a nurse who couldn’t help and then they offered me an appointment next Friday.
I managed to get it changed to tomorrow as an emergency so hopefully they can help. I didn’t think I could wait that long.

I just don’t know what’s happening to me

I have had very similar happen during a particularly stressful time in my life (relationship breakup living far from my family)It happened when I arrived home from work (stressful busy job) just me in the house, very quiet. It started like a repetitive noise or words in my head that built up and up until I felt like screaming (brushing my teeth was really triggering) and I struggled to calm in down. Distraction, noise from tv and talking to someone on the phone helped in the end but it took some time. It really frightened me, I felt like I was going to be mentally unwell but it didn’t progress. I’ve had it happen on a few other occasions to lesser degree. I can only thinking that my brain was completely overwhelmed and couldn’t process any more information. It was really hard to stop once it started and felt horrible. I don’t know if it’s the same but it resonated with me. I hope you are feeling better now.

I had a similar experience with song lyrics and the only respite was doing the 3:3:3 technique. It’s all part of general anxiety disorder. You’re not going mad. It’s very distressing.

You really don't sound insane OP, you sound really stressed and on edge and worried about going insane.

I wonder if that's part of the problem.

You say: I started to get really scared I was losing my grip on reality and started to get a pounding heart and palpitations.

Which makes me think some of the anxiety is about worrying you're going insane, rather than the original feelings.

Does that resonate with you?

I've definitely had times where I've become consumed by a song, listening to it on repeat and feeling almost as though it was consuming me. Like pp's it's been during times of high stress or distress. I'm not sure it's exactly the same as, for me, it's sometimes felt like a release from the stress or distress, other times as though it was amplifying it, but it always felt like a symptom of the stress.

I do wonder whether this might also be a symptom of the stress you're under. You're coping with an awful lot, and music is so evocative &, for everyone can arouse really strong emotions. Perhaps it's extra strong for you because of what you're dealing with.

It does sound like it's worth a chat with the GP, they will be better qualified to help you decide whether it's something you need to worry about in itself, or whether it's a by-product of other stressors, which you are then getting more stressed by, if that makes sense.

I hope they're helpful when you do get to speak to them.

@Harriet36thankyou, I’ve googled the 3.3.3 technique and I’ll try it later.

@RestlessSnailit does resonate with me yes. I feel like I’m stuck in a cycle of anxiety, then anxiety because I’m anticipating more anxiety.
I think I’ve been in stressful, fight or flight mode so long that this its my minds way of shutting stuff out. It’s so unnerving though and whilst I feel ok I can be logical about it. When I’m stuck in it though, I can’t and the feeling is so horrible and just really frightening. Even the thought of the song causes me to feel panicked and breathless, very weird experience.

Also thank you for sharing if you’ve felt similar. Obviously I’m sorry you felt like this too, but it’s made me see it isn’t that unusual when feeling stressed ❤️