Is ex DH being unreasonable here

[Ham356]

2 years ago me and my husband seperated, initially he wanted to keep the family home and asked me to move out (I moved out for a few weeks for things to settle down) he told me it was tough keeping the house clean, getting DCs up for school, uniforms, cooking meals etc.
He decided to move out and went to live with his parents as they had the space. 2 years later he is still there! He often goes away, has bought a brand new car and tells me out DS (now 16) cant stay there as its unfair on his parents. The kids are 16 and 19 so its not like I need child care, but I went away for a weekend with a guy ive been seeing and he told me I was being unreasonable and letting the house go to ruin.
The 19 year old kept everything tidy, the 16 year old mostly just ate junk food and didnt take the bins out in his room but other than that everything was fine, they are both quite sensible.
Now I feel completely guilty for trying to have a life and like he gets a fresh start, no bills, no issues living rent free at 40 doing whatever he wants while Im left feeling bad for a few days away.
AIBU for thinking he should move out so his son can go and stay with him while I have a break every now and then, I dont ask him for maintenance because I wanted him to save for a house and he seems to be blowing it all.

Your thinking is flawed, he's not interested in saving for a house. Make him pay maintenance before your son turns 18. He's taken your for a mug!

He should be paying maintenance, regardless of what his situation is.

Not sure you need to be getting an organised break from a 16yo - does he even want to go? Surely he can just come and go as he pleases at home at 16?

You need to refocus. Who cares where your ex lives or whether he saves for a house? At 16 and 19 your DC probably are going to stay there anyway.

At those ages they are fine to leave home alone while you go away.

The issue isn't your ex not saving for a house. The issue is you not telling him to fuck off and mind his own business when he expresses an opinion about you going away or the housekeeping

You don't need childcare, or your ex's approval. Who gives a shit what he thinks? Go away as and when it suits you. Your children are almost adult.

He should be paying maintenance til the youngest is 18 though.

YABU deciding he should buy a house, in the same way he is being unreasonable stating you are letting the house go to ruin. You have split up - it's neither of your business what the other one does with their life or living arrangements.

What kind of marriage did you have op if he can make you even question this? It is literally fuck all to do with him and if he’s so bothered about the DC, he can sort alternative living arrangements so they can stay with him. But he hasn’t, has he, and he won’t. He’s full of shit. Ignore him, enjoy your time away.

Thanks everyone. I think its guilt from me as I was the one that ended the marriage as he was a complete manchild and I couldnt handle it anymore. I have also never had much of a life outside the house until now I was the type of mum that would cook, clean and make sure everyone else was ok so its been hard to break away from that without feeling guilty so I took the comments to heart abit when he said it

He sounds feckless and very annoying. As other posters have said,, he should be paying you maintenance as he is living rent and bills free with his parents and you have the children 100% of the time.

Don't feel guilty about leaving your nearly adult children alone while you go on holiday and tell your ex-husband to fuck off when he criticises you for going away. I'm not sure why your 16 year old can't stay with his dad in his grandparents' house. I bet this is your ex-husband saying this because he doesn't want any responsibility for his own children.

Have you divorced him yet OP?

Not yet, I actually thought I'd leave this to him to initiate as last time I spoke to him he asked me "when are you sorting the divorce" as in another thing that is left for me to arrange

It’s not his business where you go, who with or when, nor what you do with the kids/house. It’s also not your business where he chooses to live or his relationship with your kids now they are adult/nearly adult. Let him enjoy his money and living like a teenager, you enjoy your grown up life. Dont let him off the maintenance though, he owes your kids that little

Your exes living arrangements are non of business and you weekends are non of his.
start claiming maintenance

Take back some control here. You wanted the divorce so get it sorted. Don’t sit around waiting for him.
Apply to the CMS for maintenance - your reasoning for waiting makes no sense! You wanted him to prioritise his own living circumstances over supporting HIS children?! Unwise. But you can address this now.
Ignore any comments about your parenting / housekeeping. Any guilt is his to bear, not hours. And how does he know if your DC is or isn’t putting the bins out?
Ishe still Laing towards the mortgage / bills? If so, you need to get this sorted.