To be sick of constantly being given stuff

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I feel like I’m being totally ungrateful but I am fed up sorting out piles of STUFF

My little boy just had a birthday, and received lots of presents. He got so much shite that I have already bagged up ready for the charity shop - cheap nasty toys, and so many duplicates of toys he already has. I’m so grateful for friends who asked us what DS is interested in and who bought 1 small thoughtful gift.

Family and in laws are the worst for it - bags and bags of random crap with no attempt to enquire about what he’s actually interested in, as well as naff clothes that are not to our tastes at all.

We receive lots of well-meaning hand me down clothes from family and friends too. I am genuinely very grateful for a portion of it, but most of it is either super worn, or in sizes far too big. So here I am spending my time sifting through piles and piles of crap for the charity shop, or trying to find space to store it.

Part of me sees through the “generosity” of it and wonder if I’m just being used as a dump for old crap. People get to feel good about giving someone their old stuff.

It also highlights the gross consumerism of some people. My friend has just given me a bag of hand me downs from her son which includes 5 pairs of swimming suits in age 3-4. What single child needs 5 different swim suits.

Feeling very grumpy at having to spend my time sorting through all this crap. I’m heavily pregnant, working full time hours, with a toddler, fed up of wasting my time and of people wasting their money on stuff I don’t want and didn’t ask for. Yes I’m ungrateful. AIBU to feel this way? Give me a boot up the arse if you feel like it.

This makes me feel better for giving money to parents of family small children so they can put it towards something bigger, use for a day out, buy what what little Johnny wants or save it.

‘Sorry, I just don’t have room for all that, but thanks anyway.’

Ugh yes I hate this, with the bags of clothes. I don't mind with the presents because it's exciting for the kids to open lots of little things, and I save some for later in the year or for bringing out on long journeys, or I'll donate to church etc.

But the clothes! Wrong size, wrong season, wrong gender... Poor condition and not even washed sometimes. I have no problem saying no but unfortunately for me this all comes into the house via my husband who never says no to anyone 😂

YANBU. Half my kids' presents used to go straight to the charity shop when they were little. They never noticed or cared. And yes, I did ask people not to bring more than one present, or no present at all, but lots didn't listen. They got the joy of giving their truckload of presents, the DC were happy opening them and said thankyou nicely (or I did for them if too young), the charity shop got lots of brand new stock and I didn't live in a jumble sale. Everyone a winner.

No, she can’t. Kids understand they will get presents at their birthday parties. It’s something they see happen at their friend’s parties and it’s something they get excited about.

It is definitely not something that can be managed by simply banning presents for him at his own birthday party.

I am also completely overwhelmed by the volume of stuff given to me.

So often the clothes are tatty, stained - even still dirty. Work, washed out etc.

All it does is move the problem of getting rid of them onto me.

Thanks all - I could definitely do with practicing how to say no. I have been able to sometimes, when people have asked ahead of time. A couple of examples of when it’s been impossible:

• a colleague dumped 2 bags of clothes aged 6/7/8 at my desk when I was off on leave. My boy was 2 at the time. She was senior to me and I just felt so uncomfortable so took them home!
• SIL brought 2 huge bags of clothes to my sons bday party, popped them in the house and told me as they were leaving - “I’ve just left a few bits in the living room for you!” I was busy running the party in the garden so no time to discuss.
• A tote bag of maternity clothes handed to me by a friend on an evening out! I had to carry it around with me all night!

I KNOW I need to say no but can’t picture a scenario where I say no without coming across as stuck up and ungrateful. I’ll work on it!

As for the bday presents, for family I will try and make some requests a few months ahead of time next year. I think I’ll just have to continue to deal with the bday party shite from friends etc, because there’s no way I could say “No Presents” - too cruel for a wee boy. I’m just picturing him telling his therapist about it in 30 years time “my mum told everyone to not bring presents to my birthday party…” !!!

I certainly am lucky to have lots of caring people in my life that want to help out - they’re not bad people, it’s just that their way of going about things seems a bit self serving on their part…