AIBU to expect help at home when chronic pain flares up?

[MooseLooseAbootTheHoose]

I'll try to keep this as short as possible, but I really need some outside perspective please, as I genuinely feel like I'm losing my mind.
For context and to avoid dripfeeding, I am 46 and DH is 53. Been together 26 yrs and married 18 yrs.
Was previously in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship (many years ago), and I'm not sure if this is clouding my judgement.
I have fibromyalgia and chronic back pain since 2010 which has gradually got worse, and there are days where I literally struggle to get out of bed. However, I try to carry on as normal and still pull my weight with household tasks. Over the last 5 or so years, I feel as though DH has started to tire of it, which I totally understand; I'm bored and fed up with it too. The problem is, is that with his lack of interest, there has been an increase in his motivation and willingness to do anything around the house. He cooks dinner and washes up every night, but that's it. Despite me begging for help with the jobs I find hardest like hoovering, gardening, cleaning the bathroom and DIY; he just doesn't do it. It then gets left until I can't stand it, so I end up doing it and end in so much pain that I can't do anything for about a week afterwards, and he just doesn't care that it's a result of him not doing to help me around the house. He also sleeps constantly. If he sits on the sofa for longer than 10 minutes, he's fast asleep snoring. I've been asking him to see a GP about it for the last 12 months, but he refuses to go.
I've tried so many times and so many ways to speak to him about these things, but every single time, he twists it or makes it into an argument about me. It's the same with money - he wants nothing to do with our shared finances or budgeting, but then tells me I'm controlling if I need to ask him about any transactions he's made with his card.
I'm at the point now where I just don't say anything to him unless he speaks to me first, because I can't face all of the arguments and mind games.
I suppose what I'm asking is whether I'm being unreasonable by asking him to help with the jobs that I can't do, or whether he's being unreasonable leaving me to do it (or not get done at all) and then sitting back to watch me suffer in pain.

OP if you both work full time then I would pay for a cleaner at least once a week and a gardener once a month.

Apply for PIP if you haven't already to help cover the extra cost.

As for your husband it sounds like he could be depressed (which would explain the lack of interest in doing anything, tendency to sleep more) and burned out.

Being disabled/living with a long term condition is really hard but so is being a carer so it sounds like you both need help and support.

Fibromyalgia is a tough beast, my husband is a sufferer so I feel your pain. I do a lot of commuting and have perimenopause fatigue. I can only tell you what works for us. I probably do more housework stuff that he does, he also works long hours usually being out of the house for 12 hours in a not very supportive of his illness company! We have 3 robo vacuums (1 upstairs, 1 downstairs and 1 in the conservatory) that go around daily these have been a god send. We didn’t buy them all at once just added 1 a year. I generally focus on the stuff that can cause smells, cat litter tray, food bin emptied regularly and toilets cleaned regularly. Dusting we both hate so I’ll admit it’s rarely done but do you know what the sky hasn’t fallen in!! I try to wash up (what can’t go in the dishwasher) after each meal when I’m there (I’m away from home 3 nights a week) but sometimes I just think sod it! Kitchen counters cleaned before and after each meal. Hubs suffers lot of pain and poor sleep but he’s also very good at seeing when I’m struggling and will say to leave stuff. He had loads he wanted to do on his day off this week but I knew when I saw him the night before that he wasn’t in a good pain place so I suggested he might just take the day to rest, which he did. That compassion comes back the other way as if he can see I haven’t had a good week at work or bad sleep he will suggest I rest. I think a good dose of compassion all round really helps and sometimes just sod the housework and snuggle together on the sofa or in bed which is way more mentally healing that anything else I know.

You do come across as expecting sympathy from him not not so prepared to give him any.

Sleep issues are no more something that can just get sorted by an appointment with a GP and a miracle cure than fibromyalgia is. As a matter of fact, sleep issues can be a result of antidepressants.

As someone suffering from chronic sleep issues that affect my every day life, I sympathise with him. Maybe that's why he isn't so interested in your health as he used to.

The reality is that both of you are affected by chronic issues which mean that you'll have mostly bad days and some better days.

You both work FT and you might even be claiming PIP. You both need to agree to invest in home care. Cleaners and gardeners. You need to stop resenting each other and focusing on how much worse your situation is but come together, hear each other, accept your limitations, agree on how to use your money to get help.