Availability for friends when having a family

[Emsie1987]

In my group of friends (good friends for a long time) we have a few that have children and a few that don’t. Mostly everyone works but not all work the “standard” 9-5pm. Some work different shifts which means they are not free at the weekend but are free in the week. They also get more downtime at work between shift patterns and more than the average amount of annual leave - doesn’t have children.

I find when making group plans if they want to do something they can be flexible whether it’s a week day or weekend. I can’t be flexible. If it’s a week day I have to take annual leave and if it involves me not being able to school drop off at either end of the day - I don’t always do both then my husband may need to take the day off work to be able to do it as his employer is not that flexible and the hours make it difficult to do or take a half day. If I do take annual leave that means that both my children will have to do an extra day in whatever holiday club, possible two if my husband has to take a day off as we don’t have enough annual leave to cover everything as it is. I feel guilty if they have to do this.

I feel like my friends sometimes get a bit annoyed when I have to prioritise the family needs more than friendship group needs. Am I in the wrong for mostly always doing this?

Before kids I didn’t miss a single social gathering or group holiday

Of course you’re not in the wrong, but that’s how it is. I used to be the childfree friend, now I’m pregnant…it will change things as most of my friends don’t have children .

No you’re not wrong, but as you’ve found out friendship groups change when you have kids. I see my friends who also have children a lot more now than my friends who don’t have children because it’s just easier and we have more in common.

Sounds like they aren’t being particularly flexible themselves.

I don’t have kids but I’ll meet my friends with kids in the evening or at their house, I would never expect them to take a whole day off to see me.

Expecting every outing to be a whole day affair is a bit much.

Have to agree with the poster above that the friends seem the unreasonable ones expecting you to take annual leave to meet up! I generally meet up with friends in the evening or a couple I’m able to meet for brekkie as I start work late and they don’t work one day a week.
We often have a problem with family meet ups as my husband works Saturdays and my brother often works Sundays so one or other does have to book a day off but in your case If they do shift work surely there would be some weekends that they’re off?

This doesn't sound like a parent/childfree issue, it's the arranging things for weekdays. I'm childfree and I couldn't do a weekday thing for various reasons, many people can't.