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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Partner in vile mood often

18 replies

ohno1234 · Today 22:23

Parther came home from work. I’d been cleaning all day, he said the kitchen floors sticky, took his socks off & started frantically mopping floors in kitchen. I said I’m about to cook dinner we’ve got young kids no point now if you want to mop again do it after dinner etc when house is quiet. He accused me of being funny?
toddler had food on his face he went to wipe it toddler screaming. I said I’m putting him in the bath now don’t worry about it and he stormed out and slammed doors.
this evening, my daughter went to her friends next door who’s got a bird, they came round with the bird to show us. My partner said to my daughter’s friend “get your fucking bird away from me” and shooed the bird away with his hands. I told him there’s no need to be rude she’s a child and they were just happy.

this al sounds rediculous but he’s like it every single day. Snappy and nasty and blames me. Feel like me & kids always walking on egg shells because of his mood.

the younger kids often get in bed with me for a cuddle and when they do he goes downstairs in a huff on the sofa.
if 1 year old wakes in the night he says “I’ve got a job to go to”
im so fed up sat having a cry

OP posts:
ohyesido · Today 22:24

Is it a change in him or was he always an arse?

arethereanyleftatall · Today 22:26

he sounds vile and it all must be utterly horrible to live like that for both you and your children. What is your situation for leaving him?

ohno1234 · Today 22:27

It’s my house. He’s got his own but mostly stays here. He’s always been like it but I feel it’s getting worse. Honestly I feel I can’t even cuddle my kids in bed with a free mind. He kills my spirit :(

OP posts:
LetsSkipToNextChapter · Today 22:27

Apart from where he was in the wrong swearing about the bird, you’re controlling his every move.

He was washing the floor, you stopped him. He was wiping the toddler’s face, you stopped him.

You have a DH who is trying to help and you’re pushing him away.

Hello19834 · Today 22:28

Sounds awful! No way should you be putting up with this. I don't know what to suggest I'm afraid. Has anything changed work wise, for example? perhaps he's stressed about his job or something like that and is taking it out on you (which is unacceptable). You need to let him know firmly that it won't be tolerated and absolutely never towards the children

ohno1234 · Today 22:35

LetsSkipToNextChapter · Today 22:27

Apart from where he was in the wrong swearing about the bird, you’re controlling his every move.

He was washing the floor, you stopped him. He was wiping the toddler’s face, you stopped him.

You have a DH who is trying to help and you’re pushing him away.

No. Example the floor… didn’t need mopping. Just tries to put his own mark on everything

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · Today 22:38

ohno1234 · Today 22:27

It’s my house. He’s got his own but mostly stays here. He’s always been like it but I feel it’s getting worse. Honestly I feel I can’t even cuddle my kids in bed with a free mind. He kills my spirit :(

Then end the relationship surely?!?

LetsSkipToNextChapter · Today 22:40

ohno1234 · Today 22:35

No. Example the floor… didn’t need mopping. Just tries to put his own mark on everything

He thought it was sticky. The child’s face needed wiping.

Could it be perhaps you treat him like a child?

Just stop for a while and let him have space to do the things he wants to do or feels the need to do, it’s no skin of your nose if the floors mopped twice, and see if things improve between you. Because at the moment your way isn’t working out for you.

LizandDerekGoals · Today 22:43

Are the children his? Why dont you live together?

CousinBette · Today 22:44

LetsSkipToNextChapter · Today 22:27

Apart from where he was in the wrong swearing about the bird, you’re controlling his every move.

He was washing the floor, you stopped him. He was wiping the toddler’s face, you stopped him.

You have a DH who is trying to help and you’re pushing him away.

What have I just read?

LetsSkipToNextChapter · Today 22:48

CousinBette · Today 22:44

What have I just read?

Most threads complain about DH not helping with the housework or the children. This DH was trying to help with both and stopped at every point. No wonder he’s pissed off the rest of the time.

I’d hate to be questioned or guided or stopped over every little job I decided to do in the house.

Nogimachi · Today 22:48

He does sound horrible - especially swearing at the poor young child with the bird, that is really awful. You don’t swear at anyone, let alone children.
It sounds as if he is either very tired from
work or generally unhappy (which wouldn’t necessarily be unusual when young children are in the picture, that can be a tense few years!)
I think you should talk to him about his behaviour and see what strategies you can both come up with so that you don’t have to deal with his bad temper. For example, would it be better if he came home from work and took 20 mins to decompress?
Would it be better not to have other young children in the home after he gets home from work? Also - let him do house stuff his own way. No one likes being corrected. Etc… good luck. These years are not easy…

Random321 · Today 22:49

LetsSkipToNextChapter · Today 22:27

Apart from where he was in the wrong swearing about the bird, you’re controlling his every move.

He was washing the floor, you stopped him. He was wiping the toddler’s face, you stopped him.

You have a DH who is trying to help and you’re pushing him away.

Agree with most of this. I'd be grumpy too of someone corrected my every move!

Bird part is nasty though.

Motnight · Today 22:51

LetsSkipToNextChapter · Today 22:48

Most threads complain about DH not helping with the housework or the children. This DH was trying to help with both and stopped at every point. No wonder he’s pissed off the rest of the time.

I’d hate to be questioned or guided or stopped over every little job I decided to do in the house.

And the swearing at the dd's friend? Are your standards that low? All ok because he's offered to mop the floor?

Op, he's no good for you or your family.

5foot5 · Today 22:53

ohno1234 · Today 22:27

It’s my house. He’s got his own but mostly stays here. He’s always been like it but I feel it’s getting worse. Honestly I feel I can’t even cuddle my kids in bed with a free mind. He kills my spirit :(

Well thank goodness you are not married and have your own house. Should make it easier to get rid of this moody arsehole.

BTW although swearing at your neighbours child was awful and totally out of order, as someone who is a bit bird phobic I would not be impressed if anyone suddenly appeared in my home with a bird. However, I would probably just leave the room rather than make a scene.

PinkNailPolish2026 · Today 22:54

LizandDerekGoals · Today 22:43

Are the children his? Why dont you live together?

I was wondering this too.

Happyjoe · Today 23:04

ohno1234 · Today 22:27

It’s my house. He’s got his own but mostly stays here. He’s always been like it but I feel it’s getting worse. Honestly I feel I can’t even cuddle my kids in bed with a free mind. He kills my spirit :(

If your friend said what you said here to you, what would you say?

Unless he will admit to this and get some help, then this is your life for the next 40-50 years. Worth it?

Endofyear · Today 23:11

He sounds like a miserable bastard and I wouldn't have him around your kids if he's swearing and slamming doors. Tell him to f off back to his own house and stay there. I'd rather be single than put up with that crap!

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