AIBU to want my husband home earlier to help with the children?

[ThisGiddyPeachFinch]

My husband gets home at around 8pm every night so he barely gets to see our kids before their bedtime & we can’t have dinner as a family. We both work “9-5” jobs but I have to leave work on time every day to do nursery pick up, dinner, bath, bed etc.
Part of me is jealous that he gets to work overtime when he needs to, whilst I have to just make the impossible happen. But mostly I’d just like him to come home and be present with the kids / help with life!
AIBU to want him home at 6.30??

Is the overtime paid? Is he in a senior role where is expected that he works after 5? I was away from home two nights this week because of work, I'm more senior than DH and sometimes it's required. Today I did pick up at 4:15

Well of course yanbu to want him home, but is the OT mandatory or is he taking it to avoid coming home ?

So, what's stopping you both having 2 odd days a week to be available for overtime or just time off? I imagine staying on paid at work another couple of hours is easier than everything your doing and also looks good to the boss, both of you could have that!

We had this and I was completely frazzled. He was getting in from a long day and having small fractious children handed to him. In the end we decided it’d be best for him to get a less pressured (but slightly lower paid) job so that he could be more present while the kids were young.

No regrets for either of us as it completely transformed our family life, and now the kids are teenagers he has more time for his sport. Oh and he became a pretty good cook when we started taking it in turns, and now makes nearly all of our meals as he finds it relaxing when he gets home. Money isn’t everything.

Why can't your husband share the nursery pick-ups? Is there some reason why he needs to work late every day? Is he in a highly paid role where he is required to work late or is it his choice?

I bet he is deliberately avoiding all the stuff that you need to do to feed the kids and get them to bed. It sounds very unfair to me.

Well he can stay at work because he knows you've got it covered. Also, does he actually NEED to work overtime. Or is being at work at the end of the day easier than doing dinner bath and bed with the kids? Did he work the same level of overtime when you were dating?

But no YANBU. DH is home some time between 4 and 6, rarely later than 5 though. I could not see myself enjoying life if he didn't get home till 8.

Using work as an avoidance tactic to get out of the hassle of dinner/bed time is a tale as old as time. Time for a cards-on-the-table chat. He is the co parent, he doesnt get to opt out of the stressful bits just because he cant be arsed, thats not how this shit works.

My DH worked away most of the time so was never home to help with tea/bath/bedtime. I just accepted that's what his job involved and got on with it. Being very organised and having the kids in bed by 7.30 kept me sane as I had a few hours to myself in the evening! My DH did know some men at work who would hang around after work hours until their kids were in bed though!

This doesn’t really make sense as you’ve written it as without the context of why, why wouldn’t you do 2/3 pick ups and bedtimes each? Is he in a much more high paid career and all earnt money goes in to a joint pot? That’s the only thing I can think of is how you got to this situation

I have to leave work on time every day to do nursery pick up, dinner, bath, bed etc.

Why does your husband not have to do the same?

It depends on his job really. I’m sure DH would like me home before 8pm, but I work in investment banking where it’s really not the done thing to leave before 7pm. We all benefit from the £££ they pay me to sit in an office from 7am-7pm and he understands that. It probably helps that he used to do the same job himself.

If his job requires it and he is well paid for the long days/overtime then YABU.
If he’s fannying about and just dodging the hard work of Pick-ups, dinner, bath time, bedtime then YANBU.

Not sure why you'd be jealous of him working overtime (other than the money)!
Could you ask him not to to do the overtime? However, depends if you need the money.

As people say it depends, I once worked in a job where doing your hours and leaving on time was seen as leaving early. Post kids I couldn’t have stayed there and lived with the ‘ oh well for some’ comments that came if you left at 5 no matter how early you were in and despite being on flexi time. That work routine seeped into everyone and we’d all be there late in the evening regularly. With kids that’s not the type of job that you can live with

If you both work 9-5 why isn’t he doing half of the after work stuff.