AIBU to feel guilty I cannot visit my very ill dad more?

[Apricotsocks]

Name changed - just in case

my dad is very unwell. He was in hospital for a few weeks and has been home since Monday.

Realistically, because of his illness, there's a high chance he wont be here this time next year

I live over an hour away, work full time, from leaving home to getting back, ive been out about 11 hours . Ive a house and children to look after Every day feels like a juggling act

I want to visit him more, but im exhausted. Money is tight, fuel costs add up, and by the time i finish work, and everything else that's needed, i barely have energy for anything else.

The guilt is overwhelming because I know time is precious.

For those who have been through something similar, how did you manage it? How often did you visit, and how did you cope with the guilt of being away?

Can't you visit at the weekend do you have a partner that could stay home with the kids so you can visit.

In a very similar position, no advice, just sympathy 💐

Who does he live with?

Can you visit at the weekends/ spend the weekend? Can you FaceTime him daily?
I suppose the question to ask is how will you feel once he passes? Will you regret how much contact you had?

He lives on his own, is currently having carers and nurses visit throughout the day, and other family members

I do currently visit on one of my days off, but it's becoming harder to do with finances.

I feel so overwhelmed. I want to see him as much as I can. I need to work. I need to be here for my family.

He is a priority to me, of course he is. The guilt is eating at me and I don't know what to do

Would your dad chip in some fuel money so you can afford to visit? Could you talk to him, tell him what you’re struggling with? I’ve lost both my parents in the last three years- seize every moment. (and big hugs to you)

I hear you x
my mum is in hospital parking is £4 or more each visit petrol 30 mile round trip.The stress is more if finances are tight plus your time is stretched.

can you confide in another family member to consider ideas e.g. is anyone else travelling in your direction, can you lift share?

Don't worry about how much time you spend with him, just that the time you do is quality time. One afternoon a week of your full concentration and attention beats multiple visits where you're shattered, stressed and skint.

Quality time! Talking here from experience.

can You FaceTime when you’re not able to go over?
is he in a position to help with fuel cost? X

No one else lives up this way, I moved here with my now ex 20 it years ago.

I'm sure dad would help with fuel costs, but I'm not going to ask. I dont want him to pay me to visit him .

Facetime is an idea, I could show him how to do it next time I see him

I’d overlook having to speak to him about money. He’d prefer you to be honest with him, to overcome an obstacle to you two spending a little more time together.

Phone calls and FaceTime help but if £ is the barrier to visiting then talk to your Dad.

I know it seems grabby to ask him for petrol money but the harsh reality is your Dad can’t take his money with him and if he can afford it and it would give him pleasure to see you then do it. You will never get the time back.

cherish every moment that u can I lost both parents within 10 months and I know it’s hard I have 6 children but so so glad I was there with them both . Sending u lots of love at this difficult time and hope u find a way around this x

My commute is more than an hour each way, once you get into it, its not that far.
If you think this is his final years, go, stay over night.to give yourself more time with him with less driving.
You dont say what ages your kids are or if their father is still in the picture.

Which would you consider the hard you can't get over? Not spending time with him or not doing housework?

However often you go and see him, it won't be enough. Because it never can be. Because you can't fix this. You could driving there's every day and still feel bad you didn't stay overnight or whatever. So do what you can and enjoy the time you have left, and don't beat yourself up.