AIBU to struggle trusting the GP about DC? Health anxiety related…

[Mumbythesea1]

I have health anxiety. Before children I worried incessantly about myself and DH. When we had children it transferred to this plus worrying constantly about the kids. I am on medication and have had CBT but I need help.
my issue is trusting health professionals. For example, if I had an issue dismissed by the GP about myself I would pester until they do further tests or scans etc.
however my problem is when this is about DC. My son has a lump on his arm and I took him to the GP. GP showed me how freely it moved and said it’s a fatty lump. He said he wasn’t concerned at all. Every bone in my body wants to push for a scan to check this but DH has said that asking for this would be puttting my anxiety on DS and I should trust the GP.

How can I stop behaving like this? How can I accept what the GP says and not put my worry into my DC?

This is nothing to do with your GP or your child. You need to get treatment for your health anxiety. (Your GO, obviously, would be the first step!)

You need to get yourself some professional help.... thats the only way. You need to learn to manage your anxiety.

Can your DH take over doctors appointments for your children while you work on your MH? This clearly causes you huge anxiety and this is preventing you from being sensible. And yes, you will project this onto them and that isn’t fair.

It isn’t your fault but perhaps this is an aspect of parenting that you need to let him take the lead on right now while you get better.

I usually do get DH to do medical appointments. Unfortunately this is the same even when he takes them. I grill him about what was said and push him to get the GP to do further testing.
I have had CBT and counselling and am on medication and I don’t know what else to try! X

Realistically in this example, even if your son had a scan, and it proved the GP was correct, you'd still find something else to want like bloods or further testing etc. It doesn't matter if it is a small issue or a big issue, you just get anxious.

Clearly whatever medication you are on, isn't working so first port of call is go back an get this relocked at. And take your husband with you to advocate because given the nature of your complaint, you might not be in the best position to deal with the GPs suggestions.

Long story short; You need to learn to live with doubt.

Sign up for another round of CBT ASAP.

Your husband is right, OP. You admit yourself that you have health anxiety, so deep down you know there is nothing wrong with your child. Pushing for further action is 1) a massive waste of public resources, 2) disrespectful of the doctor's professional ability and 3) going to pass on unnecessary fear/worry to your child.
You need help and support to manage your own situation, but keep your children out if it.

Let your husband take the lead on health issues, OP. You acknowledge that your judgement isn't reliable on this subject.

Your husband needs to be firmer with you and stop allowing you to grill him. Pandering to your health anxiety won’t help you in the slightest.

It isn’t your fault hut you beed to throw everything at sorting this out. And if that means stepping back from being involved in your children’s medical care until you are well enough to participate in a healthy and mature way, so be it.

You need to get some more help for your anxiety and you DH needs to stop pandering to you anxiety as well, even if it ends up in an argument.

what other help can I ask for? NHS Talking therapies and CBT will not see me again as they feel like the abuse I suffered as a child is too much to unpic in their standard offer. I can’t afford to funds this privately. I have reached out to a charity and hoping they can provide therapy.
what else can I ask GP to do?
also
suggesting that I need to be more mature is a bit nasty. If you had endured the levels of abuse I had to, you wouldn’t trust anyone either!

I'm with your DH on this @Mumbythesea1 . Seems too harsh to vote YABU though, because I appreciate you just want to protect your son. That in itself isn't unreasonable, but kids can pick up on parental anxieties and be affected by that.

Can you ask for another course of CBT? It doesn't always work first time. I'm on my 3rd course for OCD & know other OCD sufferers who have done better on later courses than their first course.

Equally people sometimes need a change of meds. Are you on an SSRI? Getting the right fit is often trial and error, frustratingly no-one really knows why some suit better than others.

You might also find a support group helpful
Two options here, but not the only ones so worth looking around
https://www.topuk.org/
https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/

Lots of us have suffered abuse, OP. CSA in my case. I've cut back elsewhere to afford therapy. With the right therapist and very hard work, it is transformative.

Sorry, I posted and then saw this. By NHS talking therapies do you mean what used to be IAPT?

If they can't help then it would need to be secondary care talking therapies.

NICE guidelines usually recommended stepped care and if IAPT style therapy hasn't helped (which it often doesn't for more significant issues!) then longer term therapy via secondary care is recommended. Worth checking the NICE guidelines for Health Anxiety and using this as ammo.

Could your DH come with you to talk to the GP?

If you're near Oxford these guys are awesome, but you will need an individual funding agreement from your ICB
https://oxfordhealth.nhs.uk/ohspic/

Ignore anyone suggesting maturity is the issue, they clearly know nowt about anxiety disorders!

When was the last time you spoke to your GP about your medication levels and had a review as to whether they were still working?

I agree you do need support with your health anxiety but I would probably want a scan for a lump on my child too tbf.

Hey OP, I think other posters are being very harsh with you - health anxiety can be crippling. That nagging doubt unless you get 100% certainty can take over all your life. Sounds like you are locked on what if you don’t take further action and it was the worse case scenario! Like someone has already said, even if the lump is scanned and comes back all clear, your worry will transfer elsewhere eventually. My opinion is addressing every single anxious thought is just fire fighting the flames - it’s so important to address the root cause - your actual relationship with your anxious thoughts themselves. CBT is really helpful. But I’d also suggest you look into Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) - it’s like a step up from CBT that teaches you ways to defuse from your negative thoughts and not go on that worry spiral journey with them!

I know private therapy is expensive but your health anxiety sounds disabling enough that if you can find a way to fund even a few sessions, you can make some massive improvement to your quality of life.

Hope this is helpful x

Hypochondria (health anxiety/illness anxiety ) is notoriously difficult to treat, it’s really down to therapy , anti depressants and anti anxiety meds.

Maybe you need EMDR therapy. Maybe DH can research

Have you realised that you and your children eventually get well and the GP was right? Maybe you need to focus on them being fine without a scan or medication.