So fed up with my children fighting?

[sharptongue]

I am starting to feel at my wits end with my children 3 and 4.
They are constantly squabbling, constantly fighting and just cannot get along or play together without tears.
There is only one and a half years between them but they are chalk and cheese and at this rate I don’t think they’ll ever like each other.
They are both boys and share a room so the bickering between them doesn’t even stop when they go upstairs.

Separately they are both fine but together they just will not leave the other alone.
Does it get better?

Yes it can get better but you could be talking adulthood.

In the meantime start separating them when they fight. If one can play nicely for a bit by themselves you take the other one into a different room (or stairs if the behaviour involves violence). And keep doing it as they will try to sneakily continue to fight ie under the pretence of getting a toy. Be firm, be consistent and accept this won't resolve quickly.

Can you do some form of bedroom split? Even a curtain showing a divide or a chest of drawers moved slightly to give the illusion?

Mine fought like cats and dogs and was horrible to witness, but once the eldest hit 14yrs (and probably because they had more outside freedom/friends houses tbh) things started to settle. They now choose to do things together including weekends away.

Time to move house!

At least one will be at school in September. You can sign him up to Cubs and start introducing play dates and separate hobbies now.

There are a few other useful articles on this topic on the same website. I'd also recommend the book. https://www.peacefulparenthappykids.com/read/preventing-sibling-fighting

We had some success with encouraging co-operation. Firstly eradicated as much parent driven competition as possible (no more races to get dressed or anything like that), would also do silly things like if I was handing out snacks I'd give both to whichever child was closest to me and they'd hand it to their sibling. Not convinced that did much but who doesn't like the person who gives them snacks?! Then last year (4&5 at the time) we instead set up a reward system for team work.

They earn points (marks on a white board/bit of paper stuck on the wall) for working together, doing nice things for one another and saying kind words about the other. These points can then be exchanged for rewards like a trip to the library, family game time after dinner, a visit fave playground which is further away from our house to our usual, pancakes for breakfast, they get to choose a dessert in the supermarket, that sort of thing. Also have 'high value' rewards like a trip to the local trampoline park, and the top prize is a 'kids in charge' day, but I like that it can be tweaked to reflect the household budget and energy levels.

I tried to keep it mostly positive, so once a point is earned it cannot be taken away. But on two occasions I have put a black mark on the board when they've been really vile to one another. Can't cash in any rewards if there's a black mark on the board. Need to earn 5 sibling points to clear it.

Found Siblings Without Rivalry had some helpful ideas. Also taught me that sometimes I just need to keep myself busy and not get involved. If I try and intervene it gets worse.

It drove me completely insane and went on until they left home. You have my sympathies.

Mine were like that for a while and it definitely got better as they got older. They're 19 and 17 now and ds2 is off to visit ds1 at uni on his own for the first time, which is lovely but also I'm a bit sad not to be going!