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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel disappointed carrying everything while my partner just drifts?

7 replies

PassTheGT3229R · Yesterday 22:43

Basically, since we had our son 2 years ago, I am hugely disappointed in DP. I carry the entire household, mentally and financially. I've been on a slow and long recovery from pregnancy which has left.me with a lot of health issues. I somehow manage to go to physio weekly, work a lot of hours (more than standard full time), secured a promotion, negotiated flexibility with work, cook, clean, make a lot more money than him, do everything nursery related, handle all illnesses, handle all night wakes (DS didn't sleep until he was 18 months), and be a present and calm and warm parent for my DS. I've sacrificed everything that was for me (except physio and dr appointments). I don't socialize, have hobbies or do anything for me. Whatever, it's a short stage in life in my view.

DP is just....floating around. Bog standard office job, he's managed to not get promoted, finishes at 4 every day (!!), isn't very fit, doesn't do much beyond playing with DS and a nursery run here and there. He does cook dinner here and there. He gets very stressed at the smallest thing, I.cannot trust him with anything. He's been on FOUR lad's week long holidays since DS was born (all his mates are divorced 😂).

No, I don't touch his laundry or lunches or whatever, I don't do anything purely for him.

He's fine, not awful. I'm not even angry anymore ( I went through a phase of being angry), just...hugely disappointed. He's basically a bit of a loser. I've been hoping he cheats or something eventually but I think he's too lazy for it.

No, we are not married. He doesn't believe in it (whatever that means, since it's a legally binding contract) and I actually really don't want to. Thank god as I have assets and savings to protect for DS' sake.

What do I do? I am fine to keep things as they are. But is there more to life? I'm not that bothered about men anymore. It's nice to have someone to go on holiday with etc. He does contribute something financially. And he will "babysit" on the odd night I work late so it is helpful to have him here. If we split, he'll just be Disney dad and my life will be harder.

OP posts:
VexedofVirginiaWater · Yesterday 22:55

I would be inclined to carry on as you are for the time being anyway. He might improve (probably not) but even if he did, I dare say there will be no getting over the feeling of disappoinment. I have noticed that in these sorts of situations, people bumble along until something happens. Could be anything, maybe one of you meets someone else, maybe he does something you really can't accept. I assume you won't be considering having any more children with him, because as your son gets older things will become easier and you might find it easier to be a single parent.

Calendulaaria · Yesterday 22:55

Start creating your own life. Have some weekends away yourself. Do something fun for yourself every week, a hobby or something creative. Give him more responsibility and you some more freedom and see how you feel after a while.

mumofoneAloneandwell · Yesterday 23:14

I'd move on girl, hes happy as he is and it really isnt enough

IAmBeaIDrinkTea · Yesterday 23:22

You don't sound like you like him very much.
You think he's a loser (your words), lazy, and also holding something against him mentally because he hasn't been promoted enough for your liking, you don't (or shouldn't) do that for someone you're in a serious relationship and have a child with.
Not to mention slagging him off to strangers on an internet forum when it doesn't sound like he's really done anything wrong ( that's quite a few lads holidays though!)
So what should you do? I think he deserves someone who really cares about him.

MrsDoubtfire123 · Today 09:37

I voted YABU … to stay with a ‘partner’ like this! Leave and start your new life !

Loulou4022 · Today 09:40

Have you sat down with him and spoken about theses issues? Come up with a list of how to divvy the chores up together? Was he like this before you had a child together?

phoenixrosehere · Today 09:47

IAmBeaIDrinkTea · Yesterday 23:22

You don't sound like you like him very much.
You think he's a loser (your words), lazy, and also holding something against him mentally because he hasn't been promoted enough for your liking, you don't (or shouldn't) do that for someone you're in a serious relationship and have a child with.
Not to mention slagging him off to strangers on an internet forum when it doesn't sound like he's really done anything wrong ( that's quite a few lads holidays though!)
So what should you do? I think he deserves someone who really cares about him.

Leaving the mother of your child to handle most things while you live your life as if you are single and don’t consider their well-being along with yours is doing something wrong.

I can see why she wouldn’t like him much if he isn’t pulling his weight and it doesn’t occur to him that his partner also needs the same amount of free time he gets which from what OP has written doesn’t sound like she gets.

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