AIBU to sometimes feel I have let down my only child?

[Kerblamo]

DD, 5, is an only child. We wanted more but it didn’t work out for us. She’s a healthy, happy kid on the whole and doing well. We love her to bits. However, AIBU to sometimes feel l’ve let her down.

We’re currently on holiday and although we’re having a great time, I just see other kids playing with siblings. It’s clear she desperately wants another kid to play with at the pool or in the kids stuff, but it’s just not working out for her.

DH and I step up, especially DH, and play with her but it’s not the same. At home she has friends and cousins but I still sometimes get a little teary when I see her playing alone.

AIBU?

I totally feel your pain, but not every sibling gets along. I have DD(9) who is an only and honestly while she would have loved a sibling, she has a great life. There's more disposable cash, she's got the best room, there's no squabbling for what to watch on TV, I'll hopefully be able to afford better holidays. Swings and roundabouts...

She will be fine. A lot of my friends have only children who are now teenagers and they have a great relationship and great friendships.
I am sure at times she will be lonely. My DC are 6 years apart, they like each other about 2 years after 11 years, never played together.
Do not feel bad.

She has two loving parents who care about her, spend time with her, and have the money to take her on holiday. She has won the lottery of life. I completely understand your sadness you couldn’t have DC2, but you haven’t let her down.

On a practical level, once she is older you might like to plan some trips and days out with her friends and their families, or take a friend of hers with you once the kids are old enough to be ok with that. I know my DC are most likely to be invited on a day out, and on one occasion several days at Centreparcs, by their friends who don’t have siblings.

Thanks all, that’s reassuring. It’s only occasional that I feel like this. In every day life we meet up with her friends and cousins fairly often. It’s just sometimes, like holidays when it hits me for some reason.

And here is me with my 2 under 2 missing my uninterrupted time with the eldest.

Do you have any friends with children her age you could go on holiday with so she has someone to play with? I’m an only child and it was lonely at times like on holidays and also during school holidays, but my parents made sure I had play dates, holidays with friends and when older took my friends on our holidays.

Of course you haven’t let her down 🤗

But I understand a little. I feel as though I’ve let mine down sometimes because they haven’t had a dad these last 10 years, but he died of cancer so it’s not my fault either.

She’ll have a wonderful childhood with you, her daddy, cousins and friends

My DS is my only. He's grown now, but has lots of friends and can always find someone to hang out with. I think this is because he's always had to just get on with it.
I had very little in common with my siblings as kids, we never really played together, we all had our own friends. Holidays were less easy for my parents I think because we were so different and wanted to do different things. Things aren't always the rosy picture in reality!

Yes, it’s an option. We had a short trip with her cousins last year that worked although if I’m honest, we don’t get on with my sister in law very well. That said, I can and would tolerate her for a week. We’re also trying to get something in later this year with another set of cousins.

When I say the above I feel a bit daft about feeling this way sometimes. We do have options and I probably need to work on them.

I understand how you feel OP i feel the same way. I was almost 40 when our only DD was born after six miscarriages. We tried for another but it didn’t happen. I like you played a lot with her and made sure I took her to baby groups and play groups so she could interact with other children. She’s 14 now and I’m so proud of her, she has a good group of friends, and is very sociable. I worry that as we are older parents that we won’t be around for her as long.

When she was nearly 2 I took up running and lost weight which made me feel better that I will be around as long as possible. We regularly play football in the garden together which we both enjoy.

When she gets older you can take friends with you. What do you think my 16 year old dd would say if offered the choice of holidaying with her bestie or her 13 year old brother? 😂

(Sorry dd - you are stuck with your brother!)

Honestly I think we all have times we feel we are letting them down. I have the opposite with lots of children, and feel like I'm letting them down when they have to wait or compromise (even though I know those are good life skills) because I can't give them each all of me. She's lucky to have you both willing to play with her, and give her lots of attention, and she gets to choose what to do because she doesn't have to fit in with siblings. I'm sure over time she will make holiday friends too, one of my children always picks up new friends when we go away (just his personality)

I can empathise. I’m an older mum to an only DS through circumstance, not choice…

He’s 9 now and we make a real effort to socialise so that he is often surrounded by friends.

The pp above who said that your DC has won life’s lottery is correct. Try not to worry ❤️

I am an only child OP, and although I only went on holiday twice as a child with only my parents (we couldn't afford many holidays beyond staying with my grandparents), I still have very fond memories.

We did a joint holiday abroad when I was about 7 with another family (mutual friend wedding) who had two girls similar of my age and we were all flower girls. Hated it. They monopolized the rooms in the hotel, picked what activities etc.

You have not let her down! Studies show onelies have a good advantage. So many people I know with siblings don’t get on.