Taking daughters phone

[Chickencuddle]

Dd is 13.
She has exams and is meant to be revising the last few days. She says she needs her phone for notes and revision things. I ran her a bath this evening while she was revising and yesterday I asked if she was taking her phone in the bathroom as it was taking her an hour in the bath each time. She said she wasnt and i said thats good. Dont take your phone in please.
Told her she couldn't take an hour tonight as her siblings also needed to use the bath. 35 minutes later I knocked on to say she needed to start getting out.
Left her 10 minutes then went back as she still wasnt out and told her age needed to get out now. Kept going back every 2 minutes and she still took an hour. She is snappy and rude in the way she talks to me. Everything is my fault. She was saying shes not washed her hair abd it takes time etc.
When she came out I asked where her phone was as I was suspicious. She said her room. I told her to show me. She went in...no phone. Then said oh no actually my blazer downstairs. I followed her and she had clothes in her hand. She stood awkwardly not doing anything so told her to put the clothes down so she could look. She said "why omg" theb wheb she did she had her phone in her hand rhe whole time.
So her attitude this evening was horrible. Speaking to me nastily most of the day and snappy. Took an hour in the bath when I told her she needed to keep it to half an hour and was ratty when I kept reminding her. Turns the blame round constantly. Then lied about her phone and did something intold her not to do.
She then said its my fault abd I lie all the time. I asked when have I lied and that im always honest with her then she started going on about santa and the easter bunny. Which she found out about 2 years ago....
I jyst dont know what to do. Every day is the same atm big dramas and I try to talk to her. I wrote her a note saying why I had taken her phone and that im happy to talk about anything etc etc. Big note. And I love her but behaviour isnt ok etc.
Then she wrote me a note back saying she wasnt talking to me and to not bother. Her. Please help. Am I doing everyone wrong. I just dont know

Check the phone. Not just a quick flick through, really forensically check it. There are apps that look like something else (a calculator app) but are actually something totally different.

It's very concerning that she wants it with her in the bath and she could be sending photos of herself. You said she just uses netflix and stuff, how are you sure, what controls are on it?

Seems overly harsh taking her phone for so long. Very controlling following her around house too. I would choose your battles and leave the extended punishment for something awful

Absolutely terrible advice. 13 year olds refusing to follow phone rules is dangerous. If she's being sneaky with it then it should be taken indefinitely.

Followed her as I strongly suspected she had it and didnt want to falsely accuse her. I wouldnt normally but I was pretty sure and I was right.

Wow. Now I see where it’s all going wrong. So many of you think taking a phone away for so long is too harsh. Social media is so important. It really, really isn’t. 😢

DD is not allowed her phone upstairs at all.

I pad for school work down stairs as well as much as poss.

It’s quite eye opening isn’t it how so many parents are afraid of taking the phone of very young children

New rule, no phones upstairs. Old rules of mum asks you to take half an.hour then half an hour it is and loose the attitude. Any breach you turn her phone off remotely. If you don't have this set up as a parental control already do it. Teenage girls are always pushing boundaries and go through a really rude phase. They just need boundaries. It's tiresome but she'll thank you when she's older.

Said the teenager not getting her own way.

I think you’ve overreacted here.

It’s all normal behaviour tbh attitude and pushing back.
but I’d be removing the phone when she baths and I speak from experience with my sd that it wasn’t being used to look at TikTok or read notes . She doesn’t need a mobile in a bathroom

She didn't believe in Santa or the Easter bunny at 11. She's very deliberately trying to manipulate you. You're doing the right thing. Maybe consider making it a dumb phone.

This. Our 13 year old son now has what can only described as dumb phone, as he could not be trusted to adhere to the rules. Social media is addictive, the sooner they ban it for under 16s the better.

Normal behaviour at this age mine turns 13 next month and yes similar with the phone use also writing exams but she also uses it for revision

Confiscate smart phone.
give her a dumb phone she can phone and text message on.
there is a reason SM is being banned for under 16s in many countries.

I'd be handing her a library card and telling her that since she can't be trusted with her phone, she'll have to revise the old fashioned way. The lying would ensure that she wasn't getting it back, at least not for a few months.

They all try the I hate you, shit. It's emotional manipulation.

Just been announced that the average Brit spends 5 years doom scrolling on a phone across a lifetime. 5 years. I wonder how long I spent riding my horse?

Wtf.