Stepparent died recently after an illness. They'd been married to my parent for 20 years.
Although we muddled along ok, wed had a few disagreements over the years and deep down I always felt like stepparent kept my parent on a tight leash and held them back from living how they wanted. I saw examples of controlling behaviour that I didn't like.
Parent avoided doing various things over the years due to being worried about stepparent's reaction or feeling like stepparent's mood would need to be managed eg joining us on holidays, visiting more often, letting us host Christmas to give them a break from doing it every year. (Stepparent only wanted Xmas at their house but my parent had to do all the work)
I haven't just assumed the above, parent has told me this over the years and a few times they were tempted to leave. Parent is a big people pleaser and has always lived life for others, not themselves. Stepparent really took advantage of this and never lifted a finger in the home. Parent did all cooking and cleaning etc and was essentially full time carer at the end.
Since stepparent's death, people (colleagues, friends) are assuming ill be beside myself with grief. But I'm not.
I'm sad stepparent had to suffer a horrible illness and I don't take any joy in their death but I do feel some relief that parent can now live life they want and freely choose how to spend holidays/ Christmas etc without being restricted or treading on eggshells.
Does this make me an awful person?? I'm not sure why I've come to Mumsnet to ask this. A few colleagues today have asked things like 'How are you coping?' as if I must be devastated so I'm panicking a bit that my reaction is wrong or callous.
Have others had this sort of reaction to a death?????