Is a long time between dates off putting

[Sunshine386]

If you meet someone online and go on a first date, how long do you then expect between the first and second date. I went out for a coffee with someone then he was busy the entire following two weekends seeing friends. He doesn't have kids. He did say he's not usually this busy and said he's pretty free after this. It would then be longer than two weeks between the first and second date.

Would anyone else consider this quite a long time? I get that you're not going to be the centre of someone's world after one date but would you wonder if this person is going to be a very busy person

Does seem a long time! I’d expect a week at most between dates

It’s entirely up to you whether or not this is off putting - not an AIBU as it’s a personal decision, what you might find off putting might not bother others and vice versa.

I would say the guy isn’t interested. First date is a bit like viewing a house, if you want it you put an offer in straightaway before someone else takes it off the market. Men know straight away if they want to see you again. If he’s interested he’ll get that next date nailed down and it won’t be in two weeks. He wouldn’t risk an another guy swooping in. Don’t bother giving him any more air time.

Why do the dates have to be at weekends?

I don’t think it’s unusual to have plans two weekends in a row, but agree that this is a long gap between dates. Why can’t you guys meet up midweek?

If people work full time it's not unusual to have weekends booked up in advance. Why not a midweek date after work?

He said he wanted to meet again about 5 days after the first date after texting. I then said sure and asked when, I didn't get a reply until Saturday when he said he's not sure when free but he couldn't do that weekend.

I was a little unsure because he didn't seem overly like he was trying to organise anything, so I responded a couple of days later suggesting the weekend, because during the week I do have plans. He's then sent a voice note apologising and saying he's away this weekend but does want to see me and is free next week and weekend.

I'm not always busy during the week nights I just have had things on this particular week. But I guess didn't expect him to ask me out at first then say he wasn't sure when he's free.

If you like him I’d take a chance. I met my husband just before Christmas, we had our first date around Dec 22nd and then he went off on a week long Christmas holiday. Then it was new year and both had plans and so we didn’t actually have our 2nd date until early Jan. We did stay in very regular contact though, so I was never in doubt about him being keen. Anyway I married him and so I’d say see how it plays out!

Leave the ball in his court. Text him saying that if he wants to meet up he will have to let you know a date and time by X date as you’ve a busy schedule coming up. It’s okay if he’s not feeling it but if you don’t hear from him by then, you will assume he doesn’t want to meet.

See what happens.

Or is he (and unfortunately you hear a lot about this) going on various other dates too? Which is why he is so busy? I find the whole multi dating/are we exclusive etc really grim but I know some people think it’s normal these days

Its the time between messages that doesnt fill me witb confidence about his interest tbh

Likely he is multi dating. Leave the ball in his court to chase you up now

He’s dating other people, so I’d read it as a non-exclusive deal currently. Why don’t you schedule a few dates, might help clarify if you’re still interested?

Agree with the people about the multi dating thing. Even if someone is doing that though, I think they need to see a person once a week at least or else how can you build a connection

then he was busy the entire following two weekends seeing friends. He doesn't have kids. He did say he's not usually this busy and said he's pretty free after this

So, you are busy this week during the week even though you aren't usually, and that is okay, but the fact he happens to be unusually busy two weekends in a row means he isn't keen ?

Why wouldn't you believe him, but expect him to believe you ?

Even if he is multi dating, you don’t rate high in the pecking order so he’s breadcrumbing you. It’s not the stuff great romances are made of so I wouldn’t accept it unless you’re just after casual dating anyway.

Its not about believing anyone. I do believe him, just wondered if others would see this as an issue. Cannot tell if it's a unusual thing or if he's just a very busy person

Sure, but if you're trying to date the weekend is the main time to do it and when you'd expect a person to be free, no? The week maybe but the weekend is more of a time