For not wanting DD playing in adult DB bedroom?

[Badab1ng]

I have a 3 year old DD. I also have a DB who is 19 so quite a bit younger than me. We aren’t close at all, have different Dad’s and I moved to uni when he was in KS1 and never moved back home so don’t have much of a relationship. If I try to talk to him I get a few grunts but not much conversation.

Myself and my Mum have clashed on a few occasions as he dropped out of school, refused to go to college or any further education and stays up until 6am gaming. He has very little friends as they all seem to exist online. He also had quite a few violent outbursts hitting my Mum as a teenager but the last one was when he was 16. I told her to stop telling me stuff if she didn’t want my criticising him. Just to give some context to my relationship with him.

I live two hours away from my Mum and we rarely go to her house as we use my grandparents house as a meeting spot instead. However at the weekend I visited and was chatting to my Mum in the kitchen whilst DD was playing in the living room where I could see her. DB was playing with her which is nice and I was happy to see him making an effort. However he started saying he was bringing her upstairs to play on his PlayStation.

I said no thank you she’s not going upstairs she will play where I can see her. He persisted and said well he’s an adult and he will watch her play upstairs (in his room) on the PlayStation. I said to bring it downstairs then. We ended up having a bit of a disagreement as I wouldn’t let her up in his room but eventually he brought the PlayStation downstairs.

My Mum was off with me after it and has now sent me a text saying she doesn’t appreciate how I treated him like a predator as he’s my brother and she’s upset about it.

I never said such a thing and if I’m being honest she’s never played in anyone’s room at all. Even on play dates she plays in the living room with her friend whilst I chat to their parents. AIBU here?

YANBU, its better to be safe than sorry

No way would I allow this unless I knew him properly

Well it's her brother, she does know him?

But whatever of course she wants her 3 year old in sight. Not to mention gaming being totally inappropriate for a 3 year old.

YANBU. Have a DD the same age and would not have allowed it either.
And to your point of not thinking he’d sexually abuse her, maybe not, but most sexual abuse by a known male starts with grooming, so no, I wouldn’t and haven’t left my own DD alone with a male I don’t fully trust.

I didn’t say I didn’t think he wouldn’t sexually abuse her. I wouldn’t say this about any man, because you don’t know. I am more than aware of the statistics, hence why I didn’t let her upstairs with him and don’t let her upstairs unattended with any males other than her Dad.

I said I thought he was arguing back because he was too lazy to bring her PlayStation down the stairs not because he wanted to sexually abuse her and he was mad I wouldn’t let him. If I thought that was his intention in the moment I would be cutting off all contact and wouldn’t have made this thread.

I meant in the moment, like you didn’t think he’d sexually abuse her in that moment (your presence in the house etc.) but my point was more that away from your eyes and ears I’d be more worried about grooming in that time alone, so my point is basically the same as yours. I’d want to see and hear any conversations/interactions if it was my DD because as you say, you just never know!