AIBU to stop driving my mother and mother in law around?

[NoCarNoHelping]

I’ve always hated driving I find it stressful and it gives me anxiety. I’ve persevered as much as I can and can’t do it anymore. I live in an area with great public transport and everything I need is easily accessible.

The problem is for the last 2 years it’s been my responsibility to help both my DM and MIL with drs appts shopping etc etc.

I decided in March I was just going to stop driving in June so have given enough notice for DM and MIL to make alternative arrangements. So here we are and neither have bothered. I’ve been asked to reconsider and I won’t because it’s been making me unwell. I don’t feel that anyone has been grateful for the 2 years of weekly help I’ve given and I’m being treated like I’m unkind to stop!

Tell them that's what bus passes are for.

Why did it become your responsibility? You’re not a taxi driver.

Of course you are not unreasonable if you want to stop. You gave notice, there is public transportation- it’s easier for them to use you. Stick to your guns!

Delete every text requesting lifts so you aren't sat going over and over it. Hang up any calls they ask for lifts. And tell dh to ask his dm to stop asking.

Shopping can be ordered online and delivered. They can use public transport or taxi for doctors

They don't need to spend ages preparing, though they may need help deciding how to proceed. Just get rid of your car and let them know about alternatives if they aren't able to find this information themselves.

Could your DH take over helping MIL and do you have any siblings who could share the load with your mum? My mum is 84 now and no longer driving, she has mobility issues so couldn't manage public transport. My sister and I share driving her to appointments and shopping etc - yes, it's a pain sometimes but she spent a large portion of her life driving us around so I feel it's our turn to take care of her now! I suppose it depends on what sort of relationship you have - she's always been a wonderful loving mum so we do it because we love her.

You've done the right thing. Take heed of this:

I got roped into years and years of driving my mother to do her shopping. She never learned to drive but i did when i was 17. I'm an only child living locally and once my father passed away she expected to be driven to do the weekly shop instead of him taking her. I got sick of it very quickly but once you're in that pattern it's hard to break out. We don't really have a good relationship. I Had 4 kids and 3 jobs (she hasn't worked since 1965!) but i always managed to find time to take her shopping. She didn't want to use the bus. She was used to being driven everywhere.

Then there was about 10 years of me getting her shopping and taking it to her. (Better than taking her with me by far!)

We are now finally at the stage where, because i now have a baby grand daughter (yes that long !!) and i go with DD to help her, i've put my foot down and said it's online delivery only for my mother now.

I have to do the order so still not off the hook! But it's a relief.

Escape now OP !!

I have elderly parents and they absolutely refuse to get taxis. I have no idea why. They are constantly asking for lifts to appointments. I feel for you OP. Stick to your guns.

Why don't they drive? Did they used to also gave up?

Our area has a dial-a-ride service which is free for pensioners. There are also volunteers who drive people to appointments/shopping.
There are 2 hospitals in our area, but 30mins apart and a there is a free shuttle bus between them. That might be another option for them to get a taxi to A then a shuttle to the other if they have appointments.

This is going to sound awful but i got round this by buying a sports car (that my mother can't get into).

We're very disfunctional. She's been a cow over the years. People are either horrified or laugh when i tell them about the car ...

You can absolutely give up driving if that is what you want to do.
They will have to make other arrangements.

If you didn't live near you wouldn't be able to give them lifts anyway.
They will soon realise that you mean it when you just stop driving.

Bus passes, community transport/dial a ride or taxis....lots of options for them to use. Well done to the OP dor doing this for so long without much appreciation! 💐🫂❤️

Flaming CHEEK of them!

Just repeat NO.

No other words needed.

Why hasn't DP taken responsibility for your MIL?

My 82 y old Mil goes by bus and does her own shopping and then gets it delivered. @NoCarNoHelping No reason they can't without disabilities. And if it's too hard then tell the CF that it might be time considering a nursery home where they will be cared for.

What do they need you to taxi them around to? Do you work? Kids that need organising? Your own shit to deal with?

They're grown adults who can sort themselves out. Double points for expecting you to do it but not your siblings or DH....

Dh works long hours so he’s out of the house early and back very late. His siblings are quite far away, same with my siblings they are either working or not local. I agreed to it when I went PT two years ago but things have changed and I’m now struggling (perimenopause mostly plus anxiety) I gave plenty of notice (I thought!) yet it seems to have been a total surprise that I didn’t turn up this week as usual !

How old are they, OP, and do they have any particular health conditions? Do they drive themselves? It seems very off that they relied on you in the first place.

Just say "as explained I am no longer driving. I am no longer insured so not possible"

Do they need help to set up an Uber account or a taxi account? If so, help your Mum and set your DH to help his Mum.

But just keep ignoring.