AIBU not to encourage a Father's Day card or gift?

[newmummy34]

My husband and I spilt up early in the year when he threatened me with criminal damage. He was arrested but hasn't been charged due to insufficient evidence.This wasn't the first threat of violence but he had never actually been violent. He was controlling and intimidating to myself and our children. We are currently going through the courts about child access and the family home. My question is this- what do I do about Fathers Day? The children currently have no wish to have anything to do with him but I'm aware that as they are young, that the courts will feel I should direct them. Will I get into trouble if I don't make the kids select him a gift and sign a card?I don't want to force my kids into feeling they have to see him.

No, you don't have to encourage that. The kids don't want anything to do with him, so it would only be confusing for them to be encouraged to do so.

If he has been vile to you and your kids what are you going to do get him a card saying best dad ever. Do flipping nothing. Do you think a prick like that will worry about you for Mother’s Day. If the kids asked you do something that’s different sorry.

I wouldn’t be doing anything to encourage the children to get him a Father’s Day card or gift under the circumstances. If they don’t even want to see him, why would they want to get him card with some platitudes on it? They may change their minds when they’re older, but no, I certainly wouldn’t be facilitating this in your shoes right now.

No, the courts don't expect you to facilitate Father's Day.

If you do it this year, he will expect it every year. Just leave it, he will not be doing anything for you for Mother's Day.

I would try to find a way to evidence you’ve made them available to spend time with him if possible. You don’t need to do gifts etc

I'd be centred on my child so I think for "completeness" I'd ask

'do you want to do something for father's day for daddy? If so, do you want me to help? It's okay either way, you can choose'

And let them choose. I have no idea about the courts so I'd prob record it in case I needed it later

You don't say how old your children are. If they are young they may do something at nursery or school. I would be led by them. If they ask if they can give a card to their dad you should allow them to do so (not in person), but it sounds like they won't.

I don’t facilitate it in anyway. Bday or Xmas either. I really begrudge using my hard earned money (when he doesn’t pay CMS) for a card emblazoned with “worlds greatest daddy” if they want to make him one (like they often do for me for Mother’s Day) then that’s fine

If you think it's best to do something rather than nothing, just a card is fine. Not a 'worlds best dad' one, just one that says happy father's day.

When I split from my now ex h,my youngest ds was 6, it was High Court,nice lady judge said he was old enough to decide for himself. He didn't want to see his F . Depending on how old your dks are, I would ask them about the card.

YANBU, I agree that you don't have to encourage anything if DC don't want to do things themselves. If you absolutely feel like you must, a simple card or, idk, a Father's day video could be fine. However, I wouldn't push it if they aren't excited to do anything themselves.