Listing to myself all the ways life is worse now where I live than it was fifteen years ago and feeling really down

[CurdinHenry]

Dread getting old and vulnerable, it's already bad enough

Anyway aibu? Please list counterpoints if so to cheer me up thanks

How about focusing on what you can do to make things better for yourself.

It is a worry. I have recently been made redundant form a job with a large charity because funding ran out and no matter how hard my manager tried to secure more funding it just wasn't there. I used to visit older housebound people to assist with benefit forms, blue badge forms, refer to OT, ASC etc, all provided free but now there is no-one doing this job. Even things like loneliness/ befriending projects are dwindling because there's no funding and day care services drying up as no-one wants to pay for them.

I have seen a lot of your previous posts - is this about your looks as you seem to be struggling?

Can I suggest you fill your life with things that can distract you as you will drive yourself crazy focussing on something you can’t change.

Why would you choose to focus on the negative? That’s not a good rabbit hole to fall down! Start focusing on the positives!

Well cos often I need to strategise solutions for the negatives! And there do seem rather a lot of them.

That sounds mentally exhausting!

Well I said YABU because you haven’t given any details. How can we counter them? Maybe your life is worse or maybe it’s just you.

@CurdinHenry you specifically say where you live

But you haven't said what the problems are

Is it the usual stuff of areas going downhill?

I mean in the UK really but recognise that not everyone in the UK lives in similar circumstances (a city, historically nice place, dying high streets, growing crime and social disorder)

This misses the point of the thread.

Where things have got worse at societal level, individuals have limited opportunity to make things better for themselves. The OP can't change the decline of the high street, the reduced access to health care, the increase in sewage released into rivers etc etc etc.

Can you tell us what is worse?

How are you personally strategising solutions for issues that are societal? I think it’s too easy to focus on negatives without also seeing the efforts ordinary people make day to day.

What are the positives of where you live?

What has got better?

What do you want and how can you seek that?

There will also be a lot of negatives. What has tipped things - county lines, etc?

It’s blooming difficult if you can’t make ends meet, and the rise in the cost of everything does make life harder. But there is no doubt at all that if you can find even a bit of energy to contribute to something small, life will look better. We have a River Clearing group locally and every now and then we go to one of the local waterways and clear the rubbish and uncontrolled weeds. I have a bit of road I do a regular litter walk on - I bought myself a litter picker. It doesn’t change the fact that people seem to spend all day every day chucking fast food wrappers out of their cars, and this is bad in multiple ways, but at least I feel a bit better and have done something that isn’t negative in itself.

Remember that a lot of your personal happiness is going to be dictated by the little picture not the big one.
It's how you spend your day to day and who with that makes the most difference to your wellbeing.
So rather than dwell on all the external things that have become worse that are outside your control, focus on the areas where you do have power and make those as good as you can. Regardless of how rubbish your town had become, you can still have good times with friends, take pleasure in your family, do things that make you feel well and happy.
These things and maybe some bigger plans (a plan to move, or getting involved with initiatives to help improve things locally if you have to stay) are protection against depression.

I do understand this feeling a bit. I live in my hometown and absolutely love it but since Covid so many beloved museums, bars, restaurants, galleries, libraries and other spaces that have been around since my childhood have shut down. It’s painful to see my town lose everything that gave it its unique character.

However, while it’s healthy to have a rant every now and then, it’s important to remember that the UK is actually still an incredible place to live that does have so much to offer. Some problems people cite are actually not borne out by stats either - e.g. rising crime. Crime is actually falling, so it’s just a perception that it’s getting worse.

As other posters have said, if you can find happiness in your own circumstances it will be easier not to dwell on the big-picture problems too.

OP,
While I agree with you and it is worrying, the truth is that nothing is gained by dwelling on the bad stuff. It causes overwhelm, hopelessness, lethargy and depression.
Focus on what you can do for yourself to improve your own physical and mental health. Then you will be better equipped to volunteer or lobby to help others.

All there is really is the here and now, none of us have the power of foresight OP, and whilst the future is out there it's this morning that you are living in.
What feels nice now?
A five min break outside with a coffee, a few minutes of slow relaxed breathing or a quick tidy & reset - living room/desk? Go to a window and look at the sky & marvel at the clouds, trees or sparrows.
Dwell on how nice it's going to feel to be walking outside or stepping into a lovely bath later. Practise living in the moment and begin to list the good things

If you are a person with any sensitivity or empathy these are challenging times.If you have a leaning towards overthinking, worrying, ruminating, more challenge. If you are old enough to remember a time when most things worked most of the time,more challenge.

I agree with your post. Better to try and train yourself to deal with the here and now.

"If you are old enough to remember a time when most things worked most of the time...."

I'm 70 and I can't remember such a time.

Where I live is utterly beautiful - rural, wonderful views, wonderful nurturing community.

But the local small city has undoubtedly gone down the drain and it makes me sad. Poor access, poor expensive parking, mainly chain shops and loss of independent traders, empty buildings, vape and charity shops, beautiful old buildings like the town hall empty and falling into disrepair, library gone, wonderful cattle market moved to some soulless outlying place and we have lost that weekly vibrant hub which my children so enjoyed - lots of stalls ......... chicks and baby rabbits to see and everyone touching base and stocking up on stuff from the stalls. It has lost its heart.

The wonderful modern shopping mall that was built in the 90s is virtually empty now as the rents were prohibitively high.

I shop mainly online (I know, I know - that is part of the problem) but there is no joy in visiting there any more. Except for the cathedral which is beautiful and has a vibrant music scene.

A lot of people deny this and come back with " Ah but". It's not rose tinted specs. Things just worked. The gas board, the electricity board, trains, buses, night school, libraries, youth clubs. Hope.

Are you sure crime and disorder are increasing where you live? Because both police reported crime and crime survey data (which attempts to capture unreported crime) show a downward trend for most offences in most areas.

News sources try to convey the opposite picture though because doom and gloom sells papers, so people's perception of crime levels is out of whack with what's actually going on.

It might be worth engaging with your local councillors especially at town/parish level. There's often more going on than you think. Good councillors have newsletters and social media presence that you can follow. Sign up to receive local consultation surveys so you can see what's planned and add your voice to influence things.

You sound like my Ddad - always looking for the worst, pretty sure he’s depressed. Bet out in the fresh air and nature that helps and stop looking for the bad things in the world.
Ddad is convinced everything used to be better - We had very low income, lived in a very poor area, lived in a conflict - quite literally people being killed daily… and now we/he has a nice house, nice area, enough money, and lives in a time of peace but constantly moans.

it really is all about how you choose to view the world.

I live in Cornwall OP. It's worse now than it was in the late 90s

YANBU.

(I'm in my late 30s)