AIBU to think husbands usually leave because there is someone else?

[Mostlywilliow]

Cherchez la femme? I personally cannot think of a single case of a husband leaving his wife without there being another woman involved. Not one. And I’m pushing 60.

My friend’s husband “hasn’t felt the same for a long time” and asked for a divorce. He is adamant there isn’t anyone else. She is desperate to believe him and hopes he might come back. And he might - but there’s someone else I reckon, cos there always is.

Agree, although I'm sure if we looked at every single case across the globe there would be times men leave without there being an other woman but I would hazard a guess that it is very rarely the case.

I'm sure men leave for men but in very rare cases do they not have someone lined up!

While I'm sure it's often the case there's another woman it's by no means universal. I'm a bloke and I left my ex because I'd lost any hope that the problems in our relationship could be resolved. There was no-one else (on my side, anyway). A colleague of mine left his wife because he discovered that his daughter wasn't.

I know three husbands who left their wives.

One caught her cheating on their honeymoon.
One walked when he was presented with the bill for the car she had just ordered for her parents.
One walked (with both kids) when the wife staged a fake suicide attempt hoping that their 13 year old would find her first.

No OW in any of these cases.

My brother divorced over 20 years ago. There was no other woman and never has been since, so it does happen.

Edited to add: he was the who left her.

Usually doesn’t mean always, there are clearly plenty of times they leave without another woman,

marriagws are sometimes bad op. Sometimes they are abusive, sometimes one is desperately unhappy, and it is not always men abusing women, it happens the other way round, the abuse may be different but it happens,

so no it’s very naive to assume it’s always cheating. Sometimes it’s just intolerable situation.

Worth bearing in mind that the reasons people give to outsiders aren't always the whole truth.

I know of three men who left their wives where there was "no other woman involved" . Two it was because their wife "was an absolute psycho" and the other because she was "bleeding him dry financially" . In reality two of them were abusive bastards and their wives had left in fear for their lives.

The third had been living a double life with another woman who he continued to keep secret until a mutual friend saw them out together.

My cousin left his wife for no reason other than she was a PITA. Which was true, to be fair. That was a few years ago, he's been single ever since. I know two men who left their wives after being cheated on, and my friend's dad left his first wife for that reason.

ALWAYS.... No matter how hard they try to disguise it, there will always be another woman in the wings!

My friend left his wife because she was financially, verbally and physically abusive. He hasn’t had another relationship since (this was 7 years ago) because he’s still broken by it. So no, it’s not always the case that there’s another woman. Fairly often though.

My nephew has recently left his partner and his kids, as she’s just a crazy person who he argued with constantly. No other woman involved.

Typically women end relationships because there is something lacking.

Typically men won't end relationships because there is something lacking.

So it's usually women that end things and usually after a lot of talking and soul searching.

Men only usually instigate separation if they have someone else to go to.

I can't say I know any many who left because they'd found someone else.

One (male) friend left his wife as she refused to work and wanted to be a housewife (no kids yet!) and spent far more than he earned.

A female friend split from her husband when she found herself pregnant. They were in agreement they didn't want kids but when she found herself pregnant she couldn't bring herself to have an abortion.

Another female friend's husband left "because he was an arsehole". Actually she has horrendous mood swings thanks to menopause and she bit his head off on a regular basis. They just grew apart and he had enough of being criticized!

Ohhh, I can now think of ONE friend whose partner left because they weren't getting on, but did shack up with another woman pretty quickly...

So YABU, 75% of the ones I can think of left due to other reasons.

Surely women cheat just as much as men??

My dad left my mum (and me!) because she was toxic.

From what I’ve seen a husband leaves because he has another women and a women leaves due to feeling neglected. Even if cheating isn’t proven 3 weeks after a separation moving on is suspect.

I think most men who are unhappy in their marriage will seek someone out to make sure there is someone else to go to before they leave. Very few seem to decide their marriage is over and then strike out on their own.

My dad left my mum due to her constant moaning nagging fingger pointing and making drama.
No other woman.
Step dad left because of the same reasons and more.
No other woman either.
Both men was never right always wrong and always the blame.
Mother thinks men should be her ATM and do what she says.

Shes now in her 60s and still the same i recon i have no contact with her she is such a bully.
Dad moved on and married a lovely woman 10 year later, he`s still with her now.
Step dad stayed single and fucked off to india.

Same my mother was just awful, oh and the lies she would say.
She wouldnt let our dad see us as he didnt pay enough money to her.
We found him years later and he showed us all the court papers and bank payment slips, he really did try to get us, but she lied lied and lied so good at it she believed her own lies.
His money for us went on herself.

Mother said he hated bla bla bla.
Mumsnet dont seem to see that some woman are worse and more toxic than men.

Looking at the marriages I’ve seen fail.

It’s either he has another woman or he has caught her cheating.

None of the men have just had enough and want to be single they are either betrayed or betraying.

Not true at all.
You do know men can be abused aswell.

My boyfriend left his partner and their kids because he was sick of the arguments he said she started and he stayed until the kids were early teens. No one else involved. My dad and mum, well dad was an alcoholic and wouldn’t stop drinking, again no one else involved. My nana, first husband was a con man and ended up in jail, naturally she divorced him. Second husband (my grandad) both of them were playing around during WW2, grandad apparently came back with the clap from prostitutes in Paris, my nana did have a boyfriend though same time who she subsequently married. My auntie, married to an evil abusive man, no woman or man involved divorced him because he was an evil bastard.

Left his kids and calling his ex crazy. Nice.

Well if anyone says it about my mother i cant say they are lieing.
Because she was and still is the crazy ex.

Not always. A friend of mine asked his wife for a divorce, moved out and lived alone nearby for about three years before starting a new relationship. I worked and socialised with him a lot and was often in his new house. There was no one else at the time.

I think a health scare alerted him to the fact that it was an unhappy marriage, entered into when they were both on the rebound and wanting to have children. They’re in fact both better off out of it, though his wife was understandably heartbroken and blindsided at the time. She’s single and looks like a new woman. Unfortunately, his second marriage seems to be heading the same way as his first.

I don't really know of too many divorced people. I do think when a man leaves it is usually due to him having a new woman although I am sure it happens that a man leaves for other reasons. My older brother left his long term partner when he got his dream job in a city which wouldn't have been able to support his girlfriends careers progression. I was really surprised as he found it hard to meet someone he could even be in a relationship with but he did. He's been single since they split a few years ago while his ex recently married.