No leaving card, school volunteer

[beewaspfly]

I was a reading volunteer at a local school for five years, having answered a call out initially. The only reading volunteer they had. I did it because I had some time on my hands and love books - and my youngest had started primary (he is at a private school that already has tonnes of volunteers and was better resourced, so I thought elsewhere would be better).

They often asked if I could offer more time but I was only able to do a few hours a week - I say this to show that I knew they valued the help and I wasn’t imposing or anything!

I provided some of my own resources too and always bought little gifts for the class at Christmas etc.

teachers and TAs have always been lovely to me and I felt very happy there.

anyway - I had to leave just before half term as I’m going back into full time work. Everyone knew it was my last day when I came in on Friday as normal. I bought some new picture books for the class as a goodbye gift. At the end, I said goodbyes, the teachers wished me well …and, well, that was it. Not even a card or a bottle of wine! My friends say it’s rude and I’m inclined to agree. I didn’t do it for the appreciation but I suppose I do feel a bit miffed.

teachers, I’d love some perspective as to why they didn’t think to do anything. Maybe you could make me feel a bit better about it!

You’re right, it was thoughtless of them, even a card would’ve been nice. I’d have been quite hurt but, to be honest, as I’ve got older, this sort of thing bothers me less and less. Enjoy the new chapter in your life and chalk it up to experience.

Yanbu.
But I would say I had a couple of very valued temp staff leave a team I was managing and I didn't manage to sort leaving cards /a leaving teams meeting because just horrible trauma at home and a massive (but very confidential) drama at work both kicked off at the same time. I felt awful about it, but at the time there was simply nothing I could do, they were leaving in the middle of the hardest few weeks of my life

It's tricky in a school because it would usually be a manager or close workplace friend who organises a card etc. It wouldn't have been done out of dislike or not caring.
But you don't report to anyone so I can see how it would have fallen through the cracks. It doesn't mean you weren't appreciated. But I can see how disappointing that is.

It is rude. I'm a teacher. I would have got the class to sign a card and bought you a gift out of my own.pocket. I was given flowers from the school after 25 plus years. Not even a handwritten card from the boss- was not best pleased. Hope your full time role goes well.

I have a similar story- slightly worse. Volunteered in my children's primary school for 4 years, 12 hours per week. Eventually got paid for a small amount of those hours but continued to work the other hours voluntarily. The day I left was an ordinary day. I finished, I handed my ID card in at Reception and left. No one even said thank you. The reception staff just said OK, bye.
I was hurt and embarrassed.

Sorry to hear it, understand how you feel.

It seems you were appreciated but no one took the responsibility to organise sonething to show it.

Was there any particular staff members you were close to? Even if not, the Head or a deputy should have taken it on themselves.

I am sure it is just an oversight, rather than a calculated snub, so dont let it bother you too much.

I used to be a teacher and I think one of the downsides of working in schools is that adults don’t always get treated as well as they might in other workplaces, because all the focus is on children.

There are often a million things happening, many of which are under the radar of a class volunteer and, if I look back, I am sure that there are people whom I probably overlooked at times. But equally I was probably not treated very well myself at times, including during pregnancy.

The other factor might be that people almost always leave at the end of term, so they might not have been geared up for gift giving?

Anyway, you did a good thing so try not to let it bother you.

Not nice but I always just assume on the day/ week something came up or they were caught on the hop eg the person meant to buy the present was out sick. It doesn’t mean they don’t appreciate you it might just be the time of the year or something

Sadly I think it's a volunteer thing. I do some volunteer work and whilst I would not give it up because I enjoy it, I think the manager is very rude. In 6 months of volunteering, I've had nothing more than a smile. I don't need praise or even thanks, but an acknowledgement and introducing herself would be polite.

YANBU, sorry this happened.

I do a lot of work with schools and the staff and school run so differently to everywhere else I’ve ever worked with, in terms of attitudes and processes. Very little appreciation or acknowledgment for work you’re doing. I think (and I don’t want to get flamed as I know some really lovely teachers) they have fallen into the trap as a profession of believing they work harder than everyone else, and are therefore owed something from others. It’s a shame but don’t take it personally.

I’m sorry you don’t feel valued - but I bet the hundreds of kids you helped over the years did appreciate you but they did not have the opportunity to say.

You know some people are big on cards others are not. My mother’n’law sees cards as how people value her - for her birthday we give her a card from each family member (ie as a family of four she gets four cards) I buy those pop up musical cards and she displays them for ages; I suspect she values cards more than presents even.

I on the other hand think cards are so overpriced. I never think about getting one / not getting one and I don’t even send one to my own mum, although I do send her flowers on her birthday which she loves.

I suspect you have been volunteering for that class for so long you were there before the current teacher arrived? The teacher might not have fully appreciated how amazing it has been you have been volunteering that long especially since you did not have a child at the school. But you are amazing to have done that.

It is rude and there should have been some acknowledgement but there could be many reasons why.
Who asked you to start reading. Class teacher or someone else? Maybe lack of clarity over who should have sorted it?
Time. Often teachers intend to get children to make a card but time disappears.
Money. A lot of people can go through a school and a bunch of flowers multiple times soon adds up.
The children will have benefitted from your help

OP, teacher here. Unfortunately, you are probably not alone… Many years ago, I was working in a school where the grandmother of a child who had attended the school almost thirty years ago, was still coming in to read with the children in her nineties! I was part of the Reception Classes team and we created a card, with a little drawing from each child and we did a collection from the team. It was a lovely send off. However, this was almost fifteen years ago and nowadays every second of the school day is accounted for. I know for a fact that if my SLT did a drop-in and saw my class were spending just five minutes on a card for a volunteer, I would be in trouble! I kid you not! Financially, teachers are buying more and more of their own resources and it’s becoming increasingly difficult to do everything. I would suggest the teachers did feel bad, but you have to go with the flow in school. If others weren’t doing a collection, then I’m sorry but just to keep the peace, I wouldn’t have done so either. So many of us are burnt out and it makes me sad that we are losing our humanity - I know how much a simple gesture of appreciation would have been appreciated by you. Honestly, without wonderful people like yourself, state schools would be suffering all the more. I can imagine you probably read with the children who needed extra support or who didn’t have an opportunity to read at home. I know it’s not much but THANK YOU for giving up your time and supporting our children to thrive 💐 x x

It's not great but just think how many little kids you helped learn to read. That is what is important. Enjoy your new job.

Just to add - both my children loved reading with the volunteers when they were at school

It is thoughtless but not a reflection on the valuable contribution you made. Best of luck with your new work.

That would be really hurtful!

My guess is that the teacher a) was newish and had never had a support assistant leave before so didn’t know what’s expected or b) they actually did forget it was your last day as it was only a half term but when they saw you remembered and didn’t have anything. For this exact reason I keep random presents in my desk! The number of times I’ve forgotten work experience last days etc.

It is thoughtless. I do a LOT for DDs school which I'm happy to do. Last year the teacher got thr kids to make/sign a card out of class paper and it was so lovely to be acknowledged. This year the teacher hasnt always told me for e.g. if she doesnt want reading helpers on the last weel if term and ive turned up to discover they're all off doing something else so I have to wait around for an hour which is annoying. (I also have a bit of a gripe about this teacher as I arranged for the whole class to do something really personal and thoughtful for the teacher's Easter gift, she knew it was me that arranged it and didnt acknowledge it at all really)

It could be a number of reasons. Thoughtlessness, or one teacher thinking another teacher should be doing it, not them.

I’m sure there are volunteers who are taken for granted. When you do something for a long while (like you did for 5 years), people can start to take expect it and see it as your duty.

What kind of role are you stepping into? There could be resentment to you for leaving playing a part too.

They wouldn’t like it to happen to them. Just remember they have to live with how unpleasant they collectively were to you. Bunch of mean people.
Don’t give them another thought.

That's a shame and I'm sorry OP.

I know my grandad felt similarly on his retirement. He'd worked there for 30 years and had seen many retirement parties and gifts over the years, but the culture had changed with time. He left with nothing beyond a goodbye card from his previous assistant who was taking over. They called him in a lot for specialist help and translations after, so had clearly valued him but no recognition at all at the time.

That said, I work in a school. I always arrange a card and flowers from the class in this situation, but I know I have missed at least one this year. My mum killed herself recently and my partner has been in and out of hospital with fragile health. My pre/teens have been assholes at home and extra hard due to all this stress too. I'm on my knees and really struggling to get through each day as it is. I know I should have recognised a long term supply leaving, but I didn't... It just felt like that one extra thing was impossible. Maybe whoever does the arranging in your school is like me; maybe just inconsiderate like my grandad's. It's a shame that's how it was left though. I am sure you will be missed by the children you worked with and spoken of, even if you weren't recognised like you should have been.

I know you will have helped so many. Recently I have been listening to pupils read, when I have done supply. Even the reluctant ones have come round and enjoyed having some 'me' time. I can imagine that this would have had even more of an impact with you being there regularly- big thanks to you OP

YANBU, I'm sorry that you've not ended the experience well.

I was a reading a volunteer in two different schools. In both of them I received end of year cards signed by the whole class, and the occasional gift (obviously bought by the teacher) at Xmas, Easter, or end of year. Over the years I've received a small plant, chocolates, a bottle of wine, Easter egg, lovely card (from teacher) with inspirational message that I've kept etc. I always helped with an individual class, and usually visited once or twice a week if they were lucky! Did you help across the school rather than a specific class? It's not an excuse but maybe each teacher thought someone else would have organised something?

Schools can be like that.

My guess is you didn't really have a 'manager' so no one really felt responsible for you.
It wasn't necessarily about whether they like or appreciate you.

Really sad indeed.