How obligated do you feel to attend hen dos?

[quackers7]

A fine balance between being a good friend and having your own boundaries and how far you’d push them. A day or night out, even if it was something I didn’t particularly want to do…yes because the time and cost is fairly minimal. But when you’re expected to spend a fortune, travel a long way, put up with accommodation you’re not comfortable with (sharing with people you don’t know well) and taking time off work it becomes a bit more problematic. I’m in this situation at the moment and really don’t want to upset my friend (who definitely will be disappointed, upset and probably very angry) but I also just don’t want to do it.

I dont feel obligated at all.

I am sorry, I cant make this. I hope you have a fab time

I wouldn't feel at all obligated if it was costing me a lot of time and money. You wouldn't be the only one to say no, and your friend will hopefully understand your reasons even if she is disappointed.

I wouldn’t feel obligated to either. And if I was the hen, I would definitely understand.

Unless they are not overnight and easy to get to I’ve always not gone. Just not for me.

Nope, that sort of hen do is definitely above and beyond what anyone can be reasonably ‘expected’ to do for friendship. Especially with the actual wedding to consider as well AND the actual cost of EVERYTHING these days.

I'd just say "couldn't get the time off work, someone else already had that week booked, sorry."

I don’t feel obliged at all.

I never attend overnight hen dos and if I had a friend who is diva enough to get angry, I’d tell her to grow up.

I have a blanket "no" policy on hen dos.

Then there is none of this "but you went to hers and not mine" moaning.

Blanket "no" .

Don't care who is pisses off. Get over it.

Honestly I wouldn’t feel obligated if it was going to cost me lots of money or I needed to use precious annual leave

Also depends how close I am with the bride to be, however, over the years I’ve become adept at saying no because of x, y or z

I’m not going to put myself under financial stress due to a hen do

With age I've adopted this too, at least for British hen dos. I'm too prudish for them.

Depends on the friend tbh, very old best mate, yeah fine. Anyone not part of my core group, I say ‘sorry I can’t join you - can I take you to dinner at X (insert fancy restaurant)’, usually this is vastly cheaper than attending a hen. Plus you get a nice meal, without putting up with the other hens.

It is a friend I care a lot about. But she is, in my opinion, asking a lot. It’s not something I really want to do and I feel like I’m being persuaded to do it. If it were a day thing I would just suck it up and do it to keep the peace but this time I really don’t think I can. However I’m worried it will spoil the friendship. The logical part of my brain says that shouldn’t be a factor because a reasonable person wouldn’t do that and I know if it was me I certainly wouldn’t want to put pressure on my friends or fall out with them if they didn’t come. But also I just don’t want to let her down. It’s a pickle. I think it will have to be a no though.

A good friend would understand that expensive and time consuming trips don't work for everyone and not judge. These things have got ridiculous.

I don’t feel obligated at all, I tend to go because I know the bride well and want to be a part of the celebrations. I don’t share a room though and happy to pay more to ensure I can sleep alone.