To formally end a friendship?

Travelfairy · 2026-05-30T22:43:40+00:00

This isnt an AIBU more would you do this? I watched an Instagram reel earlier where this social skills expert eas saying with a long term friendship you cant just let it 'fade' you should meet on neutral territory and outline why you are ending thr friendship etc thank them for the good times etc 🙈 AIBU to think no one actually does this??

shellyleppard · 30/05/2026 23:45

Might as well send them a letter from a solicitor saying our friendship is officially over... what a load of tosh!!!

SlightlyAjar · 30/05/2026 23:47

More fool you for taking anything said by a random on Instagram in any way seriously.

It’s far odder how many people on Mn seem to have friends they don’t like, and need to drop.

fiveturds · 30/05/2026 23:47

Just let it fade

Original poster

Travelfairy · 30/05/2026 23:51

SlightlyAjar · 30/05/2026 23:47

More fool you for taking anything said by a random on Instagram in any way seriously.

It’s far odder how many people on Mn seem to have friends they don’t like, and need to drop.

She has a big following and plenty in comments saying they did this! I agree i think its crazy. I have a friendship like this at the moment and I can see its fading. Its sad and I have tried asking what the issue is but she wont tell me, says all is OK when its clearly not... reluctantly I'm letting it fade, could never imagine having a sit down with her!!

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Sess249 · 31/05/2026 00:01

I’ve seen it advocated for ( not necessarily in person) by a blog called “Captain awkward”. She’s American so differing cultural norms but I think she says some people won’t accept or recognise the slow fade. For those friend/s we have who don’t recognise social cues well, it can be kinder, and easier on your self to directly end the friendship rather than have the friend try to contact you for months on end.

TheThirteenthFairy · 31/05/2026 11:59

I did this. We'd known each other for such a long time that I felt I owed it to her. I intended to say enough of the reason/s but no more than that. It was awful - but when we parted I felt a weight had been lifted from me. I don't regret doing it but I regret not doing it sooner.

Original poster

Travelfairy · 31/05/2026 14:16

TheThirteenthFairy · 31/05/2026 11:59

I did this. We'd known each other for such a long time that I felt I owed it to her. I intended to say enough of the reason/s but no more than that. It was awful - but when we parted I felt a weight had been lifted from me. I don't regret doing it but I regret not doing it sooner.

Was she shocked? And how did it end? I presume you were in a cafe or something so did you just say what you wanted, get up and leave or did you hug or anything?
With my friend, I suspect its jealousy so I dont think she'll ever admit that. She just keeps saying nothing is wrong. For various reasons I have what I think she perceives as an 'easier' life than her. That's not the case but I can understand why she might think that...

OP posts:

Original poster

Travelfairy · 31/05/2026 14:17

Sess249 · 31/05/2026 00:01

I’ve seen it advocated for ( not necessarily in person) by a blog called “Captain awkward”. She’s American so differing cultural norms but I think she says some people won’t accept or recognise the slow fade. For those friend/s we have who don’t recognise social cues well, it can be kinder, and easier on your self to directly end the friendship rather than have the friend try to contact you for months on end.

I can kind of see that point i guess

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YourPoliteTurtle · 31/05/2026 14:27

Some people love drama and believe in their self-importance. Not everyone else does, what a ridiculous idea

TheThirteenthFairy · 31/05/2026 14:45

Travelfairy · 31/05/2026 14:16

Was she shocked? And how did it end? I presume you were in a cafe or something so did you just say what you wanted, get up and leave or did you hug or anything?
With my friend, I suspect its jealousy so I dont think she'll ever admit that. She just keeps saying nothing is wrong. For various reasons I have what I think she perceives as an 'easier' life than her. That's not the case but I can understand why she might think that...

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It wasn't in a cafe, no, it was in a park. It wasn't a conversation that should be overheard, and I knew she would be shocked and would cry (I cried a little), and I wanted her to be able to do so without an audience. I told her that I was ending our friendship and I told her why, but I chose a few reasons and left out a great deal. No need to put the boot in. It was dreadful though. Then I left, feeling lighter.