To have said it's parenting not babysitting

[RatBag234]

My dad (in his 70s) asked if my sister's DH as "babysitting" their child. I said, in what I thought was just a chatty way, no because it's parenting. He said "what?" and I replied that it's something people often say about dads, not mums. He said that he would have said it about my sister as well. I don't think that's true but didn't say anything else as I could tell he was annoyed. My dad stormed off and sulked for the rest of the evening. I don't know how the evening was ruined. I really didn't mean to cause an issue. I thought I we were just chatting. AIBU?

So you apparently said something politely, clarifying an important societal point, and because your father got huffy, you're already doubting yourself?

I too hate the term babysitting when fathers are just parenting their own child!

Over the years I've said a few times "DH is going out so I'm babysitting" just to make this point!

He's annoyed because you were right!

I have only ever heard men (and useless men at that) say they are babysitting.
It's equally annoying as people that say they are "single parents this weekend" because their OH has gone away for a few days. Fuck off is that like doing it relentlessly for years often on your own entirely.

This!! I'm constantly biting my tongue when people say the are babysitting their out children!!

You aren’t responsible for your dads mood ignore his tantrum entirely

You are right he was parenting not babysitting. Perhaps he doesn’t like being corrected by a woman. My dad was like this but a lot of men can be like this. Don’t doubt yourself he’s being petty to sulk about it.

You were right. You were polite about it.

Your Dad got the hump because he doesn't like being corrected.
Ignore.

Only you know your Dad, he's in his 70's, you aren't going to change him. I'd only correct him if a younger person was about, otherwise there's no point in spoiling the visit. I don't do sulking, so if I was at his, I'd have left.

You’re neither responsible for your father’s sexism nor his tantrums.

He's upset because it's shone a light on his own attitude to parenting when his children were young.

I think some older men (grandads) are envious of younger dads because the expectations are now different and they regret not being more hands on at the time. I know my FIL, who is an excellent grandad, notices the difference in how my dh parents and how he used to, and probably would have preferred parenting in the 2020s

Grandparents can't have their time again as parents of young children and I think that can trigger a lot of emotions.

My own mum, when i was growing up, was plagued with dreadful health anxiety and anxiety around injury so I didn't learn to ride a bike till I was a teen for example... I think she sees the stuff I do with mine and regrets some of that and can get snappy when we talk about differences between my childhood and my kids'

My partner is similar, says things like “oh “daughter” away next weekend to meet her friend poor DSIL has to look after the children” to which I always reply “oh yes POOR DSIL having to look after his OWN children!”
He always gives me the side eye!
Guess he didn’t do much looking after his own children either 🙄
It may be “of its time” @RatBag234Im guessing he had his children in the 70s/80s where the traditional set up of working husbands and SAHM was still quite common, especially while they were under 5.
Ignore his silly sulky mantrum!

So your father is a petulant atsehole?
Let him off.

What a toddler.🙄

Yanbu.

Thanks all. The sulking makes me doubt myself, so it's a relief so read these replies.

Your Dad is an arsehole.

My Dad is 90 and wouldn't refer to DH as 'babysitting'. Or if he did he would only say it in a 'who's looking after the kids' way. He's pretty clear that fathers are 50% responsible for their own children.

Tell your 70-something dad to grow up and stop being such a pissy little baby.

That should smooth things over...

YANBU it is parenting.
No one "baby sits" their own kids.

Saying that, I used to go to college with a lady who had a DH who would insist she get a baby sitter when she had a rare night out. He could not even be arsed to parent his own kids in his own house.