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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if im being selfish?

11 replies

Carlie97 · 29/05/2026 20:13

My friend had his leg amputated and had to leave his accommodation due to it being accessible. When he had the procedure I visited him in hospital and took in his belongings to store when he had to leave his home. He's now in temporary accommodation whilst he waits for a permanent accessible home to be allocated. Hes doing brilliantly and gets out and about on a mobility scooter and goes to the shops and to see friends in the pub almost daily.

Hes asked me before to take some of his belongings over which I've been happy to do and jumped into taxis as I dont drive.

Hes now asked me again to drop a bag of things at his house and I've told him I am unable to do this. Money is very tight at the moment. I can't really afford to pay £7 for the bus journey or £20 in taxis. I also dont have much free time at the moment with work and travelling.

Am I being selfish or am I right in thinking he can go shopping and to the pub very easily on public transport so can jump on a bus to me?

OP posts:
Legolaslady · 29/05/2026 20:22

Can he pay for the taxi?

Original poster
Carlie97 · 29/05/2026 20:24

Legolaslady · 29/05/2026 20:22

Can he pay for the taxi?

Hi, I told him I couldn't afford to use public transport to drop off his things and he didnt suggest sending me money. Hes also got loads of friends he could ask to help but won't. I'd happily sort a bag of what he needs and arrange a day and time for another of his driver friends to collect but any suggestions from me of him doing that are met with silence from him.

I do wonder if im being selfish but my mum thinks he can take public transport to the pub and out and about easily, he can also get on the bus to pick up a bag from mine. He has said many times how much he loves his scooter and how easy it is taking public transport with it. He also gets free on public transport now.

OP posts:
PicknStick · 29/05/2026 20:27

Carlie97 · 29/05/2026 20:24

Hi, I told him I couldn't afford to use public transport to drop off his things and he didnt suggest sending me money. Hes also got loads of friends he could ask to help but won't. I'd happily sort a bag of what he needs and arrange a day and time for another of his driver friends to collect but any suggestions from me of him doing that are met with silence from him.

I do wonder if im being selfish but my mum thinks he can take public transport to the pub and out and about easily, he can also get on the bus to pick up a bag from mine. He has said many times how much he loves his scooter and how easy it is taking public transport with it. He also gets free on public transport now.

Edited
Show quote history

Ask him if he has a friend with a car he could ask. If he says no, just say ‘ah that’s a shame, it would have been handy.’

And leave it there.

MammaWeasel · 29/05/2026 20:28

You are not being unreasonable at all.

Original poster
Carlie97 · 29/05/2026 20:29

PicknStick · 29/05/2026 20:27

Ask him if he has a friend with a car he could ask. If he says no, just say ‘ah that’s a shame, it would have been handy.’

And leave it there.

Show quote history

He does have plenty of friends with cars but when I suggest it I'm met with silence.

I used my last bit of money last time getting emergency provisions from his stuff here to him in a taxi. I don't want to leave myself short anymore.

OP posts:
Original poster
Carlie97 · 29/05/2026 20:31

MammaWeasel · 29/05/2026 20:28

You are not being unreasonable at all.

Thank you @MammaWeasel

I think now that he's disabled, I want to help as much as I can but also dont want the piss to be taken.

OP posts:
PashaMinaMio · 29/05/2026 20:32

You have done enough.
If he can afford pints at the pub he can afford to take a taxi.
Just leave it…. you’re not his mother or his Nanny. He must find his own solution. It’s called being an adult.
Toughen up.

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 29/05/2026 20:34

You're not being selfish at all. As PP have said, he needs to arrange pick up of his belongings. It shouldn't cost you money you don't have.

Bjorkdidit · 29/05/2026 20:37

I used my last bit of money last time getting emergency provisions from his stuff here to him in a taxi. I don't want to leave myself short anymore

Why on earth would you do this and how warped is your thinking to think you could possibly be selfish to object to this? Just tell him you have no spare money or time and someone else will have to help him move his stuff.

PicknStick · 29/05/2026 20:39

Carlie97 · 29/05/2026 20:29

He does have plenty of friends with cars but when I suggest it I'm met with silence.

I used my last bit of money last time getting emergency provisions from his stuff here to him in a taxi. I don't want to leave myself short anymore.

Show quote history

Well you’ve told him now. He’ll find an alternative way if he really needs/wants his things.

You’ve done your best to-date and I’m sure he’s grateful. Nothing to feel guilty about. Let him sort it from here.

OrdinaryGirl · 29/05/2026 20:42

It’s ok to have boundaries, OP. 💐

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