To think many breakups happen because people expect romance to fix unmet childhood needs?

[LoveCantReparent]

Partners aren’t parents but a lot of adults want them to be.

A level psychology student?

That’s probably true. I also think the concept of “romance” as sold to teenagers for decades has a lot to answer for.

We (as a society) have since about the 1950s sold them the idea that finding “the one” (ie someone who you want ti shag) at the age of about 16 will fix all of your problems. The version of romance portrayed through culture is usually the last thing that people need in building a stable life and family.

But people (mainly women) chase the dream with a big fluffy wedding as the zenith of achievement. Then they get married and find the person who at 18 was dangerously sexy is actually a crashing bore/a drunk/a cheat etc.

I think there’s a bit more to it. We’re programmed to reproduce, and will seek out partners that are familiar in the context of our childhood imprints. If our childhood environment was safe enough to get us to an age where we can reproduce, it’s good enough. It’s a more sophisticated version of salmon swimming back to their birth place.

But it means that if you had poor relationship models, you’re more likely to find yourself in a poor relationship because the red flags are comfortably familiar.

No, I think a lot of breakups happen because people aren’t compatible, and there is less social pressure - especially on women - to keep trying to make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.

Why would I want my partner to be my parent thats gross

Er No. Some people are just arseholes arent they and you dont find out until a while in

For some people maybe. I knew two guys who didn't grow up with their mum or any pseudo mum type figure.

They both did seem to crave stability and security from women in a slightly problematic way. One is happily married. No intention of having kids.

Other is not able to hold down a relationship and again, no kids. Both aged around 45. But that's a very small sample.