If you plan to let friends know about a pregnancy in a watsapp group…

[loverrrr]

then would you private message one of the group first if you knew they were struggling with infertility? Or does the fact that you are just watsapping anyway remove the need to do that?
hope that makes sense!

No. I would only WhatsApp her separately if I were planning to tell people in person, to give her a heads up so she could either skip the event or just prepare her face.

Oh that’s tricky.

A private message first is a nice way to acknowledge that your news may be hard to hear for her and you haven’t forgotten her situation. On the other hand a private message possibly comes with an expectation of a personal response from her - this could be more difficult for her than a group message where she just sends congratulations along with everyone else. Also I wouldn’t have wanted the implied pity of a private message (even though it’s correct that the announcement would upset me).

I think on balance I would go with just the group announcement.

Really close friends I would tell individually anyway.

In a group I’m not sure it matters? It’s the same mode of communication assuming the alternative is an individual message. In a group it’s less obvious if they don’t reply or easy just to give a courtesy “congrats” than an individual message.

How many in the group? Can you message them all privately rather than a group announcement? Or if you'll see any of them soon you can just tell them in person?

I would just send the group announcement.

infertility is shit - been there and it is horrible when you can’t get pregnant and everyone else can.

but it is something you have to deal with.

you are in your journey and she is on hers

I would hate my friend to pussy foot around telling me their wonderful news. Yes it will hurt a bit and I will feel a bit envious etc - but you having a baby is your joy. As a good friend - I will share that that joy - no matter how sad I also am about my own fertilit my path .

you having a baby is not helping nor stopping her having one. I’ve read ridiculous things online where everyone is ‘so sensitive’ to the person struggling with fertility that I don’t think is helpful.

when you are trying to get pregnant and can’t everywhere you look - your family, friends, tv , in the street you are constantly reminded of babies and it is hard - but it is yours to deal with . Getting butter that others can have children and you currently can’t is not the way I chose to handle it.

yes I cried a lot at times but I learnt to deal with my pain not by taking it out on others.

make your announcement in your group chat . Congratulations

Yes, exactly. I wouldn’t want her to have to reply, or feel she should. I also wouldn’t want her to feel singled out.

Send it on the group. As above she may not want the obligation of having to reply to a personal “pity message”.

I’d personally have preferred a heads up message privately first when we were going through infertility. I’d also say acknowledge it may be hard to hear. Then she could perhaps just do a heart reaction on the group chat rather than having to do a gushing reaction on there. Or could even mute the group chat briefly if she will find everyone’s excitement difficult.

I've been on both sides of this. Very hard one. As people say a personal heads up is thoughtful but a WhatsApp from a group gives her covering fire.

It really depends on the person and what you think they'd want.

I think I’d prefer the heads up to be honest but it is tricky because if she reads it on a message or a group chat it’s the same

How close are you?

Thanks everyone, we arent great friends & dont know her well enough for her to confide in me one on one. I will just send the group message.

I’d send it on the group chat and then follow up with a message to her just saying she doesn’t need to reply and you’re aware this might be difficult for her to hear.