AIBU to ask neighbour's son to use headphones for loud music?

[Gresley]

Am I being unreasonable to expect neighbour's son (20? yrs old with autism and ADHD) to either shut his window or use headphones when playing loud rap music? I get on well with both father and son, both of whom have recently lost wife/mother, but I'm finding this unbearable, not just because of the volume and type of music but also the swearing and misogyny in the lyrics. I am prepared to talk to the father about it but fear falling out, also of being seen as the only neighbour who objects. But when it's on I can't do my gardening or simply sit in my garden and enjoy it.

I think If there is any way you could put up with it in the short term you should. If he has recently lost his mum this could be one of his coping mechanisms, must be a really difficult time for them both. Not to dismiss your right to quiet, it's a difficult one.

I’d leave it for now as he’s just lost his mum poor thing, it might be an escape for him. Maybe use headphones yourself for a while and see if it stops soon

I think it’s perfectly reasonable
to ask him to wear headphones. He can still listen to his loud music if that’s his way of coping with loss. It’s not like they can say “sorry but his way of coping with loss is to make everyone else listen to his music”.

Do you think you could use headphones or ear pods while you are outside - just for a little while?

I only say this in light of the bereavement. If it wasn’t for that, I’d definitely say you should ask him to turn it down or use headphones.

Speak to them and if you fall out, so be it. They are being unreasonable. Contact the council if nothing changes.

Also, I wouldn't mention the genre of music. Pretty sure it would still be annoying if it was something less misogynistic.

It’s not reasonable to ask someone to wear headphones on their own home. It is reasonable to mention the volume though. Is this a new thing that’s just started?

If you get on well I'd ask, and explain the type of music that his DS is listening to.

As a parent there's no way I'd, or and decent parent would want any their DC listening to music of that kind.

While it's unfortunate he's lost his DM, that doesn't give him the right to force others to listen to music with obscene lyrics.

He's 20 years old. Unless he is profoundly autistic I'd start with him and simply knock on the door, ask how he is doing and ask if he'd mind turning down the volume a bit. Or perhaps not playing it between certain times so you can sit in the garden. In person it's much easier to make a joke of it and say Kylie is more your thing or similar.

Maybe bring some homemade biscuits or similar if you have always been good neighbours.

Agree - don’t mention the genre. Just the volume.

Thanks. When I said recently, I mean about 2 years ago. I tried knocking before posting the first message. I have a misophonic reaction to loud music of this kind - it makes me really furious, so I don't want to charge round there all guns blazing. I think his father was in (the cars were there) but no-one answered the door. The music went off for a bit then came on again later. Son usually wears headphones out and about on his bike. He needs a job but can't get one because of his disabilities. Both father and son think a lot of swearing is normal so mentioning that wouldn't cut any ice. Neither is misogynistic. I think son using loud music to let off steam. I feel for him, but when I've got a lot of jobs to do in my garden it is very annoying to have to put them off.

Presumably people coped with bereavement before loud music was available, so it's not unreasonable to ask him to put headphones on in spite of their loss.

I think the misogyny and other hatred is enough to ask for headphones to be used.

I'd prefer that such music was not listened to of course.

Millions of us who lose loved ones manage to grieve without dusturbing others with shit music