Single parent and just HAD ENOUGH of this

[Haddennougj]

I know this is usual 3 year old behaviour. I know it will pass (eventually!). But my previously good sleeper has started shouting me non stop from 7:30 bedtime to around 9:30.

I am a single parent and ex never has him overnight (his choice and yes I have asked and explained I need a break).

I am not really looking for advice I guess as I’ve tried absolutely everything and nothing changes, he still shouts me every few mins for two hours. I can’t get anything done really as I feel obliged obviously to acknowledge him (I don’t do this constantly but there’s a limit to how often he can shout and I don’t go up or respond). I can’t shower in peace without panicking he’s shouting again. Eating is miserable as I feel so on edge that he wants me again. Can’t catch up on work like I used to.

I am just feeling sorry for myself I suppose. I’m tired. I have no downtime that’s uninterrupted from the moment I wake up, do the work day and go to bed. I do have time when ex sees him but it’s not the same as having a break of some form each day even for ten minutes. Just feel so low tonight

I’m sorry you’re struggling OP I can only imagine how hard it must be for it to be all on you all of the time.

Because you answer him you give him the reward he's looking for. So he will keep doing it. When he shouts for you, go in, tuck him in with minimal eye contact and walk out again. He'll learn that he doesn't get what he wants, because you don't engage.

I’d start ignoring him a bit, he’s getting what he wants from it why would he stop

I’d change the routine. Bath him a little later, do story time downstairs, put an audiobook on. Is he still napping in the day??

My child is similar op and I can see how this advice is well meaning but if I tried this on my son things would escalate and furniture would be broken walls would get drawn on cups would get smashed.
not a chance in hell ignoring would work!

I think it maybe the heat op and also you’re probably frazzled yourself. I came home from work in a huge mood from the heat yesterday and had an awful evening with my son, today I worked remotely in air con and did a lunch time barre class and our evening was lovely probably as I was calm and regulated and set the tone.

I think you should try doing a 8pm bedtime and see if that helps (it might be worse who knows!)

I think he is old enough to understand mummy can’t always respond to him every time he shouts at you. Especially if he shouts at you! Panicking that you might be missing him shouting suggests you worried you are doing him some deep psychological damage. You are not. He’s not a baby any more. And you are leaving him for hours.

Sorry you ex is a bit useless. But you can go easier on yourself too!

Yes i definitely worry about psychological damage. I do often leave him and don’t go up but I do tend to respond and say it’s time for bed now, as opposed to engaging with his actual questions. I don’t want him to feel ignored but it’s just wearing me down so much as I am not getting more than ten minutes a day to myself at the moment (sometimes including a shower!)

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/parenting/5534369-3yo-bedtimes-are-doing-me-in?page=2&reply=152577806

I literally just posted about very similar and got some good advice on this thread.

Maybe worth a read incase anything is helpful? I have started just sitting on his floor and it's worked really well again tonight.

It's tough op and you're doing a great job and you aren't alone!!

I think that supernanny used to do loads of advice on this. Have a look on youtube and watch some of the old shows. Jo was very successful with her advice on them.