Mysogonystic men

[Sillyme1]

AIBU to ask why women have relationships/marry sexist and misogynistic men? I am much older than most people on here and probably should be on Gransnet79a!, but in the 60’s and 70’s we (naively) thought we had fought against such attitudes and maybe changed things. Also racism, extreme right wing politics etc. we seem to be going backwards. My own son is definitely not misogynistic and automatically irons, cooks, etc and is a very involved dad.

They’re probably not as perfect as you

I would class your post misogynistic, blaming women for men's behaviour !

But a lot of them are. Have you never read a thread on here about a MIL who defends and does everything for her ds and expects the DIL to do it all??

This sounds like misandry to me.

Calling out misogyny is misandry?

I agree with you, OP. I'm astonished at what some women are willing to put up with, and so is my young adult dd.

My theory is that there are a number of reasons why some women tolerate misogynistic men:

• their own internalised misogyny and an assumption that "all men are like that"
• low self esteem and not believing that they deserve better
• a fear of being alone - better to be with a misogynist than with nobody
• a lack of financial independence.

I'm not saying that all of the above apply in all situations, but I don't think a woman would stay with a misogynistic man unless at least one of the above applied.

It is painful to read sometimes ! One of my dds was in an awful relationship and he was charming he could cook and clean blah de blah my Dd is not "stupid" His mother professed he was a good boy when he was arrested for abusing women.

How is she blaming women for men's behaviour? She is just wondering why some women choose to put up with that behaviour.

This is why we choose the bear

That isn't what she is wondering, she is coming across as "dissapointed" in women for putting up witn misogynistic behaviour.

...in the 60’s and 70’s we (naively) thought we had fought against such attitudes and maybe changed things. Also racism, extreme right wing politics etc. we seem to be going backwards.

Progressives made a huge mistake in assuming progress would only go forward, ignoring the lessons of history.

It’s because they don’t act misogynistic when you first meet them. The shitty behaviour comes out later.

If you're 79, you were born in 1947 like my parents. You were only 18 in 1965 so realistically much fighting against misogyny were you doing?
Okay you were older in the 70s but I don't think anyone looks back on the 60s and 70s as having particularly progressive attitudes to women so I don't understand why you are focusing on that time.
Yes, there were first wave feminists who were amazing women but lots more has changed since then in the 80s and 90s etc which you weirdly don't mention.

To answer your question imo it's because different women have different views on what constitutes misogynistic behaviour, some don't mind, some have no choice, some are happy with it.

Really helpful. Not.

@Sillyme1 It's going to take a few more generations and a lot of behavioural training before misogyny is wiped out. If ever. You just have to read a lot of the comments on MN excusing male behaviour to realise this.

She literally asked the question why.

As to being disappointed, well... do you think it's a good thing that women are prepared to put up with crap misogynistic men?

Do you have a daughter, and would you be happy for her if she was putting up with a misogynistic partner?

Yep! My mum!

I am a second class citizen. My brother comes first despite me being better qualified and having a professional job at a much higher level than him, it is always ‘but he is a manager, with responsibilities…’, when there is any suggestion that he could do more for her/with her.

She said to my brother, in front of the funeral celebrant that my dad ‘got what he wanted when I had you …he loved her (she said with a very dismissive flick of the hand, in my direction) but he REALLY loved you’ .

She let my dad command and dominate, his whole life, as did his mother before that. He was a selfish man. My mum provided fully for him. Meals, house, even his medication. He very much lived his own life, decisions on his terms.

She is appalled that my brother irons and cooks (including for his 22 year old son…). I constantly challenge with ‘my DH irons his own clothes, my DS’s iron including their own school shirts, they cook, they clean…I work full time and long hours.

She directs conversation to the men rather than me, cuts me off or redirects to them over me.

I sometimes feel invisible.

That sounds very hard @Makingtherun.

You may think your son is perfect - I guarantee you that if you could compare his life path in minute detail to a female counterpart, it would be very very different. The society we all live in is still profoundly misogynistic- you are mistaken if you think all these problems have been sold.

you also ignore the fact that even if inequality had been completely abolished and all these problems had been solved; they can definitely reappear. Even in your lifetime, the political landscape has changed hugely.

Women have relationships with men for all sorts of reasons. There is no easy one answer to this question…

I'm amazed that MN defines misogyny as a man not doing the ironing.

I agree with you OP. There is a thread at the moment where a married woman with 4 kids who regularly looks after them on her own when her husband is away, is asking her sister to 'help' him look after them so that she can go away herself

She wants her sister to also clean the house, basically cover for her when they have their own father there who is just as capable of cleaning but won't do it because he knows his wife will step in.

These women don't help themselves and perpetuate the problem.

Yes if you read my pp you will see i have a daughter.

I’m baffled why so many women put up with such pathetic men.

My post wasn’t about the ironing, it was about attitudes.