First time poster here but long term lurker. I need some advice on this very bizarre situation.
On Monday I had a handyman come over to look at a few odd jobs around the house. It was the first time I’ve used his services. Other than his outrageous prices everything seemed pretty normal and standard although he did speak very basic broken English ( this might be relevant later)
I was home alone with dc aged 1 and 7. The baby was asleep in the living room and the 7 year old was also there playing with toys. The handy man started work upstairs and I thought I’d use that time to do some laundry folding upstairs too. I was sort of going back and forth between rooms. I offered him tea and biscuits and occasionally tried to make polite conversation but again I could barely follow what was being said. He mentioned he was Albanian and Greek and asked me questions about what my husband did for work and where we were from ect. Perfectly innocuous or so I thought.
Then he started with simple flattery. ‘I like your hair’, complimenting my smile, telling me I was pretty, again I thought this was weird but I didn’t feel threatened I put it down to cultural differences but then it shifted to comments of a sexual nature that made me feel uneasy. He had a thick accent and didn’t speak good English so it was hard to work out what he was actually saying. Until I realised he was making sexual comments I had been laughing along just out of politeness really even though I couldn’t work out what was actually being said. Initially I thought he was the chatty type trying to be a bit humorous to make time go quicker.
Now Monday was boiling hot and my house is built like an oven so I was wearing wide leg flowy linen trousers and prior to him coming over I was just wearing a bra with it . Obviously before I answered the door I covered up, only I happened to grab the nearest thing to hand which was a thick cotton shawl. I didn’t mind so much because I wasn’t expecting him to be around for long and I had a fan nearby.
Anyways he started insisting I take the shawl off because it’s too warm and he wanted me to feel comfortable at home. Like I said I only had a bra on underneath and didn’t feel comfortable removing it. We went back and forth a few times he was very persistent as was I that I was fine as I was but the real shocker came when he walked into the bedroom I was in and pulled it off.
At this point I’m thinking wtf and hurriedly rush to put another top on, coincidentally the baby wakes up so I sort of rush downstairs without really making a scene. I’m generally very anxious about confrontation and given the fact I was home alone with the kids I was less inclined to make a scene in case he became aggressive. I don’t think he suspected I was offended by what happened at this point. He was just laughing didn’t see like he saw a problem with any other this.
I stayed downstairs with the kids until he left. He called me up when he was done to check if I was happy with the works. I was just relieved he’d be leaving. I thanked him and tried to usher him out. I was carrying the baby on my hip with one arm whilst this was happening, then he pulled me closer by my other hand and interlocked my fingers into his. He said something along the lines of you and me and going to be together. Then he KISSED my daughter on the cheek (another wtf ?? … but I’m also thinking is this a cultural difference? ) immediately after that before I even have time to speak up he then pulled me even further in towards him buried his head in my chest and kissed the top of my BREAST ?!?!
At this point I’m bloody fuming but equally stunned for words and thinking that couldn’t have just happened. QHe walked down the stairs and out the house and I’m just stood there thinking was I just assaulted? And in my own home ?
so AIBU to feel like I was assaulted and if so is this worth reporting??
For context when I was younger I have been the victim of sexual assault because I was seen as ‘nice’ and my ‘no’ apparently wasn’t assertive enough.
Theres been a pattern of this in various moments of my life not necessarily to do with sexual assault but to do with not being perceived to be assertive or people feeling too ‘comfortable’ around me. I don’t know if that’s making me over think this.
if you’ve made it this far, thank you!