Mean to change middle name?

[Violetpearls]

So my daughter is due to start high school and we have been filling in forms etc.
It came up in conversation that she really does not like her middle name.
It's a old fashioned name but it is my mothers first name.
I explained that it's her grandmothers name so that makes it special.
She mentioned changing it before starting school as she doesn't like writing it down.
Would it be unkind and hurtful to my mum if she changed it?
I was thinking if she did it would have be a variant of the name for example Elizabeth to Eliza.

I think she should stick with the name to be honest lots of people have old fashioned middle names.

Just leave out the middle name entirely?

Op, your DD doesn’t have to like it, but it is her name, and it has a family connection. If you change it, she will have a different name on her birth certificate from her examination certificates - does she really want some future employer thinking they’re not hers? This would apply particularly if she wanted to get a job overseas - they tend to be a bit more particular about paperwork.

I think it's fine to just leave it out for school purposes surely? I'd leave official name changes for her to deal with as an adult if she still feels the same when the time comes.

How many times will she actually need to write it down?

It’s her name, so up to her ultimately - she can change it herself when she’s 16 if she still wants to. I’d be encouraging her to wait until then. If she does change it I don’t think you can dictate that it has to be a variant.

Also changing her name wouldn’t mean that she no longer needs to write the name down. Any time a form asks for “previous names” she’d have to include it.

I used to blush bright red when stating my middle name I hated it at 5 and hate it now. Would have happily abandoned it. We should be able to choose our own names at any age, really, but I do why parents get attached to their chosen names.

If she feels strongly you may be best to change it before she is entered for GCSE exams because the name that is registered there is the name your exams are in.

I don't see why a person has to be happy with a name they don't like and were given to 'honour' someone else. Kids are not park benches to have plaques stuck on them. Presumably she loves and knows her grandmother and its mutual - she doesn't need to be named after her to have a relationship.

I have an old fashioned name, I would heavily discourage my Dc from using my name, or my mother's name for middle names for their own Dc.

If it's 'just' a middle name and she doesn't need to use it, then why make a fuss about keeping it?

Just quietly lose it - your Mum doesn't need to know that she has officially changed her name.

I don't think I have ever filled out my middle name on a form in my life.

It’s not like she’s going to be filling it out on forms all the time I’d leave it. Or she’ll have a faff with passports etc
Who really cares what the middle name is officially.

Sounds unnecessary and tedious.

I despise one of my middle names but never even used my middle name. Although at secondary school I did become a bit fixated on how much I hated it but I think that it was because we were literally becoming aware of our identities.
I did consider changing it or dropping it as an adult but because my mum chose it, it just felt wrong.
I just simply don't use it - it only got mentioned on my wedding day.

My dad goes by his middle name and hates his forename with a passion (I don't know why as it's a normal and pretty nice name, if a little old-fashioned now) and he was asking me if he should get it dropped but I said that there's no real point as he doesn't use it so not many people know about it.

Why is someone not liking a name either unkind or hurtful? It's personal preference. My nana's middle name was Eglantine - I'm not a fan, but if that was what I was given as a middle name I also would have wanted to change it - which is neither unkind or hurtful - I loved my nana. Personally I would just leave it off the paperwork and let her change it herself after 16 if she wants to as she doesn't need anyone's permission to do it then and it will also demonstrate her strength of feeling if she goes ahead with it. I got sick of my first name being considered my 'proper name' my whole life - I have always been called by my middle name since birth - so last year I dropped my first name, moved my middle name up to be my first name and gave myself a new middle name. I asked my parents if they would be ok with it (despite it being entirely my choice) and they were both fine. They just wanted me to be happy with my name.

I wouldn't bother. My mum had a really old fashioned name. Hated it and discouraged any of using it. Never any chance of that. It's now very popular and eldest wishes I'd chosen it as her middle name.

Just ask the school that she's to be known as xxx. We have done that with one child's surname. No issues.

No i dont think she should change it

Its only a middle name

I'm fairly certain you don't need to write it down. None of my school records have my middle name. Likewise I never use it as an adult (official documents, banking etc,) even though it is on my passport and it's never caused an issue. Just leave it off the forms!

Nobody is going to think that it isn’t her. The deed poll can be shown at the same time as the birth certificate. Her passport etc. will all be in her new name and will match with exam certificates.

Would it be unkind and hurtful to my mum if she changed it?

No it wouldn't.

She is not being unkind by not liking your mums name, your mum was more than her name. You're keeping your mums memory alive by more than her name.

Just don’t put it on the form surely?

I rarely put my middle name on anything.