First of all I want to preface this to note that my son’s grandma/exs mum is a completely normal lady. She is upper middle class and went uni, retired now, loves cooking and travelling. Rides bicycles and reads the guardian sort of lady. Loves her adult kids and is obsessed with her grandson. I note this cos I’m so astounded by her actions and when I write them down I feel like the only way they can come across is if they are the actions of like, a junkie, some cartel boss woman, someone who wants her kid to make money at all costs or a genuinely dumb person. Someone completely out of touch with reality, But she’s not any of those things at all. Anyway.
My toddler son’s dad was kicked out of our house due to his drug issues with ketamine and cocaine. He had started secretly using drugs in the house and I had caught him. He promised never again yada yada and then one morning I woke up to see drugs in the open in a spot my son could potentially access. He was kicked out immediately, big fight, police are called etc. he was kicked out and he moved back in with his mum and dad. after a few weeks of him not being allowed to see me or our son, I allowed him supervised visits. Eventually he realised that this wasn’t going to change, that he won’t be allowed back to live with us etc and after a few more weeks or so he decides he needs professional help & checks himself into a very strict rehab for one month.
When he was in rehab his mum found in their house a bag of ketamine worth roughly 500 pounds, Which in my country is not actually a huge volume of the drug due to its cost here but anyway. When he gets out he tells her he hadn’t paid for the bag, so he needs to give it back or his mate is gonna buy it so he can pay for it. She tells him she can’t remember where she put it. He brings it up a few more times over the following months, she says the same thing. I figure she’s already flushed it & is stalling, because as if she’s just gonna give him his drugs back.
Then last week (he’s been absolutely clean the last few months since rehab btw), he tells me he needs to go see a mate who I have told him I he cannot see if he wants a relationship with his son (on account of the fact that their friendship is only based on drugs). When I ask him wtf why, he says he needs to give him something, I ask what, he says his mum gave him the bag of drugs back…
I am fucking furious. What sort of person hands their son, who has had addiction issues for a decade, who has JUST been in rehab, a bag of their drug of choice?? Their son, who put her grandson, who she apparently loves more than anything, in danger due to that exact fkn drug?
I got my him to repeat it to me over and over to try and find some sense, like maybe he told her someone was gonna come cut off his ears? He said no he just asked for it again, and he is staunchly defensive of his mum and would absolutely lie and say he did say that, to make sure she didn’t seem like a shit person.
Maybe she just thought that on her own accord? Which would be dumb because it’s been 4 months since he went in to rehab and no one’s threatened him. And even still, these people are not short of money… I get not wanting to enable him by bailing him out, but if you’re so worried your sons gonna get harmed just give him the 500 pound and tell him to gtfo of their house or sell his computer to pay them back or some shit.
I can’t fathom what would lead to the decision to just hand your addict son who’s in n remission, trying to get better for his son, a bag of drugs.
Anyway essentially now I just want to cut her out. I can’t trust my kids dad, shit would be a lot easier if I could trust his support network and now I know I can’t, so that’s blown out window.
She very much believes in “it takes a village” or whatever, and clearly wants to position herself as someone my son will be very close with and can trust when he’s older- well I don’t want them having that relationship now. I can’t trust that she won’t do the worst possible thing and/or enable him if he has issues in life… what if he has drug issues one day and she just hands him a bag of drugs??
I don’t know if I’m being extreme tho and maybe it’s not that bad?
Maybe it’s just anger and she’s not unsafe for my son? And I am probably clouded by anger cos im furious. I’ve dealt with so much shit because of his addiction issues, thrown out 1000s of dollars worth of his drugs before without question… what hope did I ever have when his own mother is his #1 enabler?
She loves my son to pieces, I feel so guilty to cut her out, but am I being unreasonable in feeling she is not a safe person and wanting to do so?
Especially when ds still has a relationship with his dad, the one who actually put him in danger?